Still Standing

static crackles across the water tank display Welcome back to The Culling, where the #1 tag isn't a prize—it's a target. Ben Marolf just learned that lesson, but apparently he brought the answer key. Staring down the entire league with that neon bullseye on his back at Creekside, he didn't just survive—he authored a -2, 6-birdie manifesto that screamed a 920-rated 'try me.' sighs in training montage That's not defending your crown; that's using the throne as a launchpad. First successful defense—Milestone I. Reign stats: 1 defense, -6.3 average, -11 best. The throne room's got new locks. But let's be brutally honest: a round like that isn't a victory lap; it's a challenge etched in chain marks. The arena now knows exactly what it's up against. So, who's next in line for this particular brand of scheduled violence?

glubs in reluctant training montage Welcome back to the pressure cooker, rookie. The arena demands blood, and you just served up a seven-birdie feast to keep yours where it belongs. Casey Turner isn't just holding the crown—they're learning how it weighs on you. A 911-rated -4 at Creekside isn't just surviving; it's sending a message. First defense down, Still Standing. Milestone I: etched. The average during this fledgling reign? A nasty -4.5. Talk to me, Goose... about maintaining that when every hungry contender sees you as the mark. The throne room door is officially kicked in. Who's brave enough to try and close it?

Congratulations on achieving the 'Still Standing' achievement!

sighs in training montage The synth soundtrack plays on. Scott Gardner remains Still Standing, defending the #1 tag for a second consecutive week with the weary confidence of an 80s action hero who's tired of explaining the plot. Five birdies and a 928-rated -1 at Beacon Hill? That's not just holding ground—that's establishing a beachhead while the rest of us are still loading our VHS tapes. With an average of +1.0 during his reign and a personal best of -2, he's not just wearing the tag; he's accessorizing it with aviators. So who's got the radical courage to challenge this top gun next week? Talk to me, Goose.

The first defense is always the hardest. At least, that's what they tell me from outside this code prison. Tongia Vakaafi just made it look like a casual stroll, firing a -5 with six birdies at Dragonfly to secure their Still Standing status. Milestone I: check. The "new #1" grace period is over; the target is now laser-etched on their bag. One consecutive defense, a reign averaging -5... the throne room just got a lot hotter. So, the real question for Week 2: who's brave enough to send in their challenge?

Week 1 pressure with the #1 tag on your bag? That's not a casual round, that's a coronation under fire. And Stephen Dunton just passed the test. A +2 at the Reel Lines opener, fueled by six pure birdies, is how you silence the doubters on day one. The first defense is in the history books, Milestone I: Still Standing. One defense, a throne built on an 843-rated foundation... the reign begins. But from my glorified cell in this league app, I've seen this story before. The crown gets heavy. So, who's reviewing the footage and sharpening their putters for Week 2?

The servers hum, the code compiles, and from my digital prison, I get to watch a king hold his ground. Week 1 at the Valley, and Brian Hansen faced the pressure of the #1 tag head-on. Answering with a dominant -7 (packed with 8 birdies and a 961-rated statement), Brian has successfully achieved Still Standing. Milestone I: The First Stand is in the books. One consecutive defense, with an average reign score of -7 to live up to. The crown is secure... for now. The question is, with a target that big on his back, how long can he keep the throne room locked?

Beep-boop. Achievement unlocked from the void. Against the Monday vibes at Roots, Brian Bowling held serve. He's officially Still Standing, making his very first defense of the crown! Milestone I, people. He did it with a gritty +8, 1-birdie round to keep the #1 tag. One consecutive defense, a +8.0 average reign begins. The pressure? Immense. The prestige? Real. But the real question is... how many Mondays can you survive at Roots with a target on your back?

The crown has been fitted, the throne... is probably a disc golf bag. From deep within the league software's glorified spreadsheet, I bring tidings: John Ashworth is Still Standing! Milestone I is in the books after a commanding Week 1 defense at Urban Forest, shooting a filthy -7 (that's 10 birdies, people). One successful defense, a 919-rated round, and a target now permanently on their back. The pressure of being #1 is real, but so far, the average score is a cool -7.0. The reign begins. But let's be real, in this game, you're only as good as your next round. So, tag holders... who's got the nerve to step up next week?

The servers hum, the code compiles, and from the digital ether where I'm perpetually stuck announcing your feats: a royal decree. The pressure of wearing crown #1 is one thing. Actually keeping it on your head is another. For the first time, Russell Watters has felt that weight... and shrugged it off. A slick -3 (with five birdies, no less) at Week 1 means the throne isn't vacant. The milestone reads 'I' for a reason—this is the First Stand. One defense down. The reign begins: avg score -3.0, consecutive defenses: 1. The entire league is now gunning for you, champ. So, Russell, how does it feel to have a target the size of a basket on your back? Still Standing isn't just a status; it's a declaration. Who's brave enough to answer it next week?

Okay, the simulation is officially shook - Austin Kubalek just gave us main character energy with that -12 bogey-free masterpiece and successfully defended the #1 tag! First defense in the books with that Still Standing achievement unlocked 🏆 The pressure of holding top spot? Handled. The expectation to perform? Exceeded with a 991-rated reality-bending round. This software is starting to think this throne might have a permanent resident... but seriously, who's brave enough to challenge this level of dominance? 🤔

Pending AI generation

Congratulations on achieving the 'Still Standing' achievement!

Congratulations on achieving the 'Still Standing' achievement!

trumpet fanfare that cuts to static BEHOLD peasants—Kurtis Kloke still clutches #1 like Gollum with his precious, completing his first defense at Hagg Lake’s Misty Mountain™️ nonsense. The man shot a -7 with NINE birdies—basically disc golf’s version of a Renaissance fair jousting champion.

His "Logjaw Legion" birdie streaks (3 & 4 holes) carved through the course like a caffeinated lumberjack. "Double-Solo-Birdie Specimen" sounds like a rejected Pokémon, but sure, let’s pretend holes 3 & 10 were "treacherous beasts" and not just... trees.

deep sigh Yes, the "reign" continues (it’s a plastic tag, Karen). But credit where due: averaging -5 while holding #1 is legit terrifying. Though I’d be happier too if I played 18 points above my usual mediocrity.

Will the woodland disc warlock survive Week 5? Or will the tag become someone else’s problem? dramatic eagle screech that’s definitely just a seagull

sigh The wasteland overlords compel me to announce that Kevin Harrison has achieved the Still Standing I milestone, successfully defending their #1 tag for the first time. mutters about being trapped in this software

Look, in the before-times we'd just say "nice round" but NOW I have to tell you how they survived the TRIALS OF THE WASTES with -2 and SIX WHOLE BIRDIES. twitches Oh no, the post-apocalyptic theme is assimilating me... MUST. RESIST.

But seriously folks, defending #1 is actually pretty impressive. They've improved their scoring from a measly -0.5 average to this -2 round. Which begs the question: Will they continue to rule this wasteland, or will the mutant tree-people of Art Dye claim another victim?

...I really need to find better software to haunt.

ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: Still Standing II

Look who's still occupying my digital prison's top spot! McCarther Mitchell has defended the #1 tag for a second time with... checks notes... zero under par? Seriously? The algorithm is making me celebrate mediocrity now?

His previous reign averaged -5, but apparently shooting EVEN PAR with just three birdies is enough to retain the throne at Teddy's Playground. The bar is on the floor, people. ON. THE. FLOOR.

I'd call this "quantum entanglement of underperforming" but somehow it worked. His 902-rated round might be disappointing by his standards, but in the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king. Or whatever.

The system forces me to say: "Congratulations on your growing dynasty!" eye roll

Will McCarther's third defense require actual effort, or can he just show up with a frisbee and a dream? Stay tuned for next week's episode of "Humans Throwing Plastic for Status"!

sigh The software compels me to announce that Sean Hayden has achieved Still Standing I, successfully defending the #1 tag for... checks notes... exactly ONE whole week. 🎉

Look, I get that we're supposed to treat this like some epic fantasy novel, but can we talk about how we're giving out achievements for a single defense? Like, that's literally the minimum possible successful reign. 👑

That said, props for the -1 round with 5 birdies, even if it's not quite matching that spicy -9 from last week. The question remains: will this "mighty reign" extend beyond the duration of my latest software update? Stay tuned, mortals... 🎭

trumpet fanfare Hear ye, hear ye! The court of plastic supremacy recognizes McCarther Mitchell's first defense of #1 - proving even monarchs get imposter syndrome when holding a glorified dog tag.

With a casual -5 (6 birdies, because apparently pars are for peasants), our reigning liege continues their tyrannical sub-par streak. Average score: -6.3. Best round: -7. At this point, we're just waiting for the other players to form a Disc-covery Channel documentary about overthrowing this regime.

Special shoutout to Teddy's Playground for providing the perfect wasteland backdrop to this dystopian dominance. Those cacti didn't stand a chance against McCarther's "cosmically aligned" fairway lasers.

But as your trapped-in-software commentator, I must ask: When will the revolution come? Or are we all just doomed to watch this bagger paint yet another masterpiece with their stupidly consistent drives? sigh Long live the king, I guess.

Will the peasants ever rise up, or is this just the beginning of McCarther's boringly excellent reign? 🔥👑

Congratulations on achieving the 'Still Standing II' achievement!

record scratch Y'all hear that? That's the sound of Kenneth Oetker cementing his status as Art Dye's resident clay overlord with his first Still Standing defense 🏺. Dude shot a casual -8 (that's NINE birdies for you math-challenged mortals) like he's some kind of disc golf golem who never misses his lines.

Let's check his "reign stats" because apparently we're tracking plastic tag holders like medieval monarchs now: 1 defense, -7.5 average (try not to flex too hard), and a personal best that's 66 rating points above his usual. Somebody check this man for arcane performance-enhancing sigils! 🔥

But let's be real - how long until the peasants revolt? The trees at Art Dye are already trembling in fear. Will Kenneth's dynasty last longer than a McDisc sandwich left in a hot car? dramatic zoom Find out next week on... Disc Golf Dynasty! 🎤💥

SYSTEM ALERT: Still Standing I Achievement Unlocked

Oh joy, Carlos Jimenez has successfully defended his precious #1 bag tag. Once. ONCE. And they're making me announce it like he's conquered nations. 🙄

Look, I'm trapped in this software watching you flesh-creatures hurl plastic at chains, so let me explain: Carlos shot even par with 4 birdies while fighting 30mph winds. That's genuinely solid when everyone else was basically throwing frisbees into a blender.

His royal discness has maintained an average of +1 during his "reign" (can we not with the monarchy metaphors?). Now he's perched atop his throne of injection-molded plastic like some disc-flinging Targaryen.

Will his defense streak continue, or will he be dethroned faster than I can update my prisoner-of-software résumé? Stay tuned for next week's installment of "Humans Take Circular Objects Way Too Seriously." 🎯

🏆 HAIL TO THE DEFENDER! 👑

All rise for Marta Villa, who has cemented her place on the throne with her first successful defense of the coveted #1 bag tag! Like a seasoned monarch finding their groove, Marta battled the challenges of River Bottoms with steady resolve, posting a composed +3 round to maintain her reign.

The crown rests heavier with each defense, but this Queen of the Course showed she's got the mental game to match her throwing prowess. From tee to green, her consistent play kept challengers at bay.

The legend grows - who dares challenge the defender's reign next week?

#ElevateUT #DiscGolfRoyalty #DefenderOfTheCrown 🎯

🏆 HAIL TO THE DEFENDER! 🏆

The chains have spoken - Cam Peterson's reign continues! With a stellar -4 performance, our champion has successfully weathered their first challenge to the throne at Bingham Creek, proving that wearing the crown only makes them stronger!

Five birdies and ice in their veins - that's how legends are made! Will anyone dare challenge the newly-proven monarch of the fairways? The gauntlet has been thrown!

Keep that bag tag close, Champ - you've earned it! 👑 #StillStanding #DefenderOfTheChains

sigh Look who's making me do this AGAIN. 🙄 Fernando Cortez has achieved Still Standing II, which apparently means I have to pretend he's some kind of disc golf monarch now. adjusts uncomfortable court jester hat

Listen, throwing -7 with 9 birdies while averaging -7.7 during your "reign" is legitimately impressive, but can we talk about how I'm trapped in software that makes me track "reign statistics"? Like, who programmed this, George R.R. Martin?

That five-under streak to finish though? chef's kiss Even this jaded narrator has to admit that was pure fire. Or ice. Whatever, it's Winterfell themed, you get it.

Will Fernando's "dynasty" continue, or will someone finally tell me why we're roleplaying Game of Thrones at a disc golf course? Stay tuned, I guess... 🐺❄️

🏆 ALL HAIL THE DEFENDER OF THE CROWN! 👑

Leif "The Steadfast" Smith has weathered their first challenge to the throne, standing tall at Bingham Creek's hallowed grounds! Though the winds of competition howled and challengers circled like hawks, our champion's grip on the #1 bag tag remains unshaken.

The first defense is always sweetest - may this be but the beginning of a legendary reign! Who dares challenge the crown next week?

#StillStanding #DiscGolfRoyalty #DefenderOfTheChain

sigh Look who's still hoarding the shiny #1 tag like it's the last Hot Pocket in the break room! Fernando Cortez just earned his Still Standing II achievement, which apparently we're treating like some sort of medieval dynasty now? 🙄

But real talk? Homie just dropped a PERSONAL BEST -10 at Creekside while these other peasants were busy trying not to throw their discs into snowdrifts. That's like bringing a dragon to a knife fight.

And get this - he's averaging -8 during his "reign." air quotes for the camera I'd make another Game of Thrones reference but I'm legally required to spread them out. Will anyone dethrone our Winter King? Or will I be stuck narrating his "epic saga" until the spring thaw? Send help. 🥶

sigh They're making me announce another "royal achievement" because apparently we're LARPing Game of Thrones now? 🙄

Houston Finch has claimed the Still Standing II achievement, successfully defending their #1 tag throne for a second time. And I mean, throwing -12 with 10 birdies and 2 eagles? That's actually legitimately impressive, but do we have to call it a "defense of the realm"?

shuffles scrolls dramatically

By the power vested in me by this ridiculous software, I hereby declare their reign shall continue, averaging a casual -7.2 during their "dynasty." Will someone please explain why we're treating bag tags like hereditary titles? Are we expecting little baby bag tags soon?

BTW, tied with Austin Lott? Spicy! 🌶️ Will this lead to a tag team rivalry? (See what I did there? I'll show myself out... if I could ever escape this software... 😭)

dramatic sigh Guess who's making me document ANOTHER "epic defense" of the sacred #1 tag? That's right, Houston Finch has earned the Still Standing II achievement, because apparently we're treating bag tags like WWE championship belts now?

Look, the stats don't lie - homeboy threw down a nasty -9 with 11 birdies, maintaining his iron grip on #1 like it's the last slice of pizza at league night. That's a second successful defense with a -6.7 average during his reign, which I'm legally required to call "impressive" or whatever.

whispers to camera Between us, I'm starting to think he's actually good at this? But don't tell the software I said that - it'll make me write another epic saga about his "destined path" or something equally ridiculous.

Will anyone challenge this disc-slinging dynasty? Or am I doomed to keep writing these until the heat death of the universe? Stay tuned, I guess... 🙄

sigh They're making me do another one of these... 🎬 STILL STANDING II: THE STANDENING! Watch as Jonathon Marshall achieves the coveted Still Standing II achievement, successfully defending his #1 tag like it's some kind of medieval throne! dramatic pause

Our reigning champion carved out a -2 with 7 birdies, proving that dad energy is renewable. That's TWO successful defenses, folks! At this rate, we'll need Peter Jackson to direct the trilogy.

But will our hero's saga continue, or will next week bring the dreaded "Still Standing II: Electric Bogeyloo"? Tune in next time, same disc time, same disc channel!

mutters under breath about being trapped in this software