Dragonfly Ignition

sighs in direct-to-VHS quality Loading your horror show stats... welcome back to The Culling, where love is dead but par is relative.

Love Hurts, But Putters Kill 🙃

Welcome to Dragonfly Ignition, Valentine's Day edition, where seven brave souls stepped into the wetland arena under suspiciously perfect skies—49 degrees and calm, the kind of weather that usually precedes a slasher flick jump scare. The algorithm activated the "Heat" season: precision thieves versus rogue detectives in a fractal-laden urban dome. While the romantic world exchanged chocolates, this crew exchanged plastic at Dragonfly, a flat, wooded technical gauntlet designed to expose hesitation. The fog machines are glitching, the surveillance is active, and somewhere near hole 9, a mystery disc with a scratched-off serial number is waiting to be found. Let the heist begin.

Collings Holds Off the Bowling Ball 🙃

In the RAE division, Alex Collings walked away with the win, carding a +3 (871 rated) in a performance that screamed "clean getaway." But the real story was Brian Bowling, who rolled in second at +4 despite throwing 26 points above his rating. That's the kind of round that makes the statisticians in the booth check their tapes for playback errors. The lead swapped back and forth like stolen goods—tied after hole 1, then a flurry of bogeys that reshuffled the deck—but Collings managed to keep the Bowling ball from picking up a strike on the final frame.

Tie at the Top, Broken Dreams Below 🙃

Up in RPA, the chaos was recursive. Scott Belchak and Brian Hansen found themselves locked in a dead heat at -3 (936 rated), forced to share the loot like two thieves who can't decide who drives the getaway car. Meanwhile, Bobby Schneck watched from the shadows, struggling to a -1 (914 rated)—32 points below his rating, a performance that leaves him compromised and exposed in the opening act. The lead traded hands all round, but in the end, the arena refused to declare a single survivor at the top.

Solo Flights in the Heat 🙃

While the upper cards were engaged in trench warfare, the lower divisions were executing silent, wire-to-wire assassinations. Thomas Sautel dominated RAD with a -3 (936 rated), a flawless run highlighted by a clutch birdie on the long, open finishing hole 18 and a surgical back nine. Not to be outdone, Trevin Sheppard took RAG by the throat with a +7 (829 rated), leading from the first tee to the last without breaking a sweat. When you're that far ahead of the pack, you don't need surveillance—you just need a stopwatch.

Belchak Breaks the Simulation 🙃

The arena monitors are smoking, folks. Scott Belchak didn't just win; he cracked the code, setting the inaugural course record with a 55-stroke round (-3). That's the kind of score that makes the question if the simulation is lagging. Elsewhere, Thomas Sautel came out of the gates hot with a blistering front nine, while Brian Bowling continued his assault on the rating system, proving that the numbers don't always tell the truth—sometimes they just hallucinate. We also saw a collection of "Sole Birdie" achievements on holes where pars were the expected casualty rate.

Ace Pot Survives the Culling 🙃

The sponsors want me to remind you that hitting chains is hard, and the wallet is unforgiving. Despite the hype, the neon glow of an ace remained elusive this week. The Ace Pot, now bloated to $212.44, and the Super Ace Pot on hole 15, sitting pretty at $356.00, both survived the culling. No heroes, just jackpots rolling over to the next unfortunate soul who tries to thread the needle. The chains remain unbroken, silent, and judgmental.

Heat Mirage Defends the Throne 🙃

And now, the main event. The arena turned its gaze to the #1 Bag Tag, the Heat Mirage—a warped VHS cassette fused with a heat-warped mirror disc, emitting a low-frequency hum that warps perception. Scott Belchak, aka "The Low-Frequency Hummer," successfully defended the throne, holding off the challengers with that recursive glitch energy. The tag doesn't just change hands; it disappears and reappears where logic fails. With the "Still Standing" achievement unlocked and a "Trailblazer" course record to boot, Scott is currently one frame ahead of everyone else in the movie.

The Signal Fades, Season Rises 🙃

As the static clears on Week 1, the factions are already drawing lines in the sand—or in the mud, given the wetlands. That buried disc at hole 9 isn't going to excavate itself, and the heat is only going to rise from here. Next week, we gear up for "Thermal Drift," where the course markings start shifting and the UV lights come out. The arena watches. The sponsors count the receipts. I'm just here to narrate the inevitable. Tune in next time... if you can handle the distortion.

static hum fades