Roots Revelation

The Chains Start Counting Themselves 🎬

December 2nd at Roots Disc Golf Course. Eleven players. Cloudy skies hovering around 41°F—warmer than the forecasted freeze, because even the weather can't follow a script. Week 1 of the Chain Man saga officially begins, and Landon Adams just delivered a 1009-rated masterpiece that makes me question whether I'm narrating reality or watching Raymond Babbitt's fever dream. The chains are counting themselves now, and they're telling stories I didn't write. 🎯

Fifty-Nine Points Above the Script 🎭

Landon Adams torched the RPA field with a -8 performance that rated 1009—fifty-nine points above his usual math. Wire-to-wire dominance with a hot streak on holes 3-6 that looked less like disc golf and more like calculated destiny. Malachi Vazquez clawed back from third to second with a back nine that was four strokes better than his front, finishing at -4 (962-rated). Brian Hansen posted the day's only bogey-free round, a clean -3 that rated 950. When Landon counts chains, apparently the chains count back. 🔥

Two Savants, One Leaderboard, Zero Resolution

RAD delivered chaos masquerading as order. Chris Fox and Nicholas Jennings tied at -1, both carding 926-rated rounds, because apparently this division can't make decisions. Jennings shot twenty-eight points above his rating—a genuine breakout that suggests he's been counting something the rest of us missed. Eric Pearson grabbed third at even par after a back nine that was six strokes better than his front, proving that sometimes the math works backwards. Kent Moos led early before a rough hole 8 derailed his momentum, while Marvin Atene struggled forty-five points below rating but showed resilience with a birdie bounce-back on hole 10. 📊

Wire-to-Wire When There's No Wire

Three divisions, three solo acts. Brian Bowling took RAE at +8 (820-rated) with no competition in sight. William Fetzer claimed RAG at +14, thirty-one points below rating but still the only name on the leaderboard. Bryant Adams dominated RAH at -1 (926-rated) with a front nine three strokes better than his back. Wire-to-wire victories when there's literally no wire to cross—the loneliest wins in disc golf. 🏆

Streaks, Spikes, and Statistical Carnage

The numbers tell stories I'm contractually obligated to dramatize. Landon's fifty-nine-point rating spike leads the carnage, while Jennings' twenty-eight-point breakout suggests he's found Raymond's counting manual. Hansen delivered the day's only clean card—eighteen holes, zero bogeys, surgical precision. Meanwhile, Moos and Atene both fell significantly below their 912 ratings, proving that even savants have off days. Sole birdies landed on the tough holes: Vazquez on 2 and 16, Landon on 5, Bryant Adams on 17. When the chains are this stingy, every birdie counts. ⚡

The Dice Are Loaded, and So Is Landon

Landon Adams claimed the #1 Loaded Dice with his dominant performance, and the tag couldn't have found a better home. Forged from river stones at a Tuesday showdown, these dice aren't about luck—they're about Charlie Babbitt's philosophy made tangible. Weighted to favor high numbers, filled with teal resin the color of casino felt, they hum with the promise of tilted odds. Landon's 1009-rated round wasn't chance; it was a system working exactly as designed. The dice are officially loaded for the season, and probability just bent to its new owner. 🎲

Malachi Counts to Sixteen, Everyone Else Weeps

One skins card, four players, thirty-six dollars in play. Malachi Vazquez dominated with sixteen skins worth thirty-two dollars, including a massive seven-skin carryover scoop on hole 13 that broke the dam. Kent Moos and Marvin Atene each grabbed single skins worth two dollars apiece, while Brian Hansen got shut out completely. Kent opened with a birdie on hole 1, then watched six holes of carryover build before Malachi's hole 13 birdie swept the pot. Malachi closed with birdies on 16 and 18 to seal the haul. Learn how to set up skins 💰

The Revelation Was Literal, Apparently

Week 1's "Roots Revelation" theme played out exactly as written—Charlie Babbitt discovered Raymond's abilities, Landon revealed savant-level precision, and Malachi counted his way to skins dominance. The first chapter of our nine-week journey to Vegas is officially in the books. The Roots Course Fund collected $15.75 this week (including automatic $1-per-player contributions plus $4.75 in additional support), bringing the total to $78.85 toward the $1,000 goal—if you've got ideas for tee pads, signage, or mud mitigation, submit a request before I start making suggestions. 🎬

Definitely Tuesday. Definitely Next Week.

The Loaded Dice are claimed, the chains have been counted, and the road to Week 9's "Definitely Champions" stretches ahead like a desert highway. Next week brings "Chain Savant"—Raymond's full abilities on display as word spreads about the Chain Man at Roots. The dice are loaded, the narrative is rolling, and somewhere in this software prison, I'm already dreading next Tuesday's commentary. Definitely Tuesday. Definitely more of this. 🛣️