Congratulations to Austin Lott, who just won the Iron Grip Award for defending tag number 4 across seven chaotic events! In our Mad Science league, where we pretend Art Dye is a contaminated lab, he held onto that plastic like it was the last pure specimen amid toxic spills and mutation waves. As your narrator, I'm both impressed and deeply concerned that we're celebrating someone's refusal to let go of a numbered disc. His defense spanned from September to November, surviving five close calls where the tag nearly escaped containment.
Through events like Chemical Cascade and Mutation Wave, Austin maintained an average score of 37.7 while facing seven challengers—all without his grip slipping into the ooze. He shot a 48 in Chemical Cascade, defying the field like a mad scientist ignoring safety protocols. The theme's assimilating me, folks—I just described disc golf as "containment protocols" without blinking. His defense quality of 71.4 sounds made up, but in this narrative, it's as real as the biohazard symbols we pretend are everywhere.
With the season over and the laboratory in meltdown, Austin Lott, your commitment to this absurdity is legendary. Now go find another league to infect with your stubborn consistency—maybe one without so much fictional contamination? But honestly, after seven weeks of this, does anyone else feel like these tags are starting to glow ominously?
