dramatic horror sting ...and here I am, still trapped in this digital nightmare, watching thermometers die from zombie plague while you people throw plastic at chains. The real horror is that I'm still stuck narrating this.
Weather Station Infected, Send Help
Week 9's "Extraction Point" brought 10 survivors to Dragonfly's loading dock, where the weather monitoring equipment finally succumbed to the mall's spreading infection—registering a mysterious 0.0°F across all readings like some kind of apocalyptic system failure. 🌡️ With military firebombs scheduled for dawn, Austin Lott emerged as the sole successful evacuee, dominating the field with a scorching -7 performance that left everyone else scrambling through the infected mall corridors. Despite the $1000 super ace pot lurking on hole 10 like some kind of retail clearance salvation, no one managed to ring up either the mega-prize or the standard $35 ace pot during their desperate escape attempts.
Austin Lott absolutely annihilated the MPO field, firing a 1006-rated masterpiece that sat 45 points above his rating while everyone else got consumed by the mall's chaos. 🔥 His wire-to-wire dominance after hole 5 included four sole birdies that nobody else could match, reclaiming the #1 Security Specter tag from his previous #2 position. Owen Bush briefly seized hope with an early lead on hole 3, but the mall's infection spread to his scorecard as he stumbled to a +3 finish, dropping 46 points below his rating in a performance that would make any survivor question their evacuation strategy.
MA2 Chopper Has One Seat 🚁
The MA2 division delivered peak extraction drama as Kevin Harrison and Eric Pearson deadlocked at even par, both shooting well above their ratings (Harrison +21, Pearson +31) in a two-player showdown where every stroke determined who got that last helicopter seat. Harrison's wire-to-wire control and clutch hole 18 heroics ultimately broke the tie, securing his escape while Pearson watched salvation slip away despite his stellar round. Both players proved that sometimes the mall's infection actually makes you stronger—or at least more desperate to survive.
Three Enter, One Survives Intact
Craig Bennett maintained fortress-like control of MA1, securing victory at +2 with a solid 919-rated performance that kept him 19 points above his rating throughout the evacuation chaos. 🏰 Chris Fox mounted a late charge with a par train on holes 14-18, but his +4 finish fell just short of catching Bennett's wire-to-wire dominance. Creech Isaiah Balter started promisingly with an early tie for the lead after hole 1, but the mall's infection spread viciously through his scorecard, resulting in a brutal +10 collapse that left him 64 points below his rating and questioning every life choice that led to this moment.
Solo Survivors, Various Infections
The remaining divisions saw lone wolves prowling through empty mall sections with varying degrees of success. 🐺 John Sheen claimed MA3 at +3 with a 909-rated performance, maintaining wire-to-wire control despite dropping 30 points from last week's personal best. Noah Neubert endured MA4's harshest infection, struggling to +25 with a brutal 99-point rating crater that included a devastating 9-hole cold streak. John Ashworth secured MP40 at +6, finishing 43 points below his rating but still managing to escape the division's infected corridors intact.
Some Thrived, Others... Didn't 💀
Austin's personal best -7 featured four holes where he stood alone with birdies while everyone else scored par or worse—the kind of isolation that makes for perfect horror movie survival stories. The mall's infection spread unevenly: Noah Neubert's 99-point rating massacre and Creech Isaiah Balter's 64-point collapse showed the virus's brutal efficiency, while Kevin Harrison and Eric Pearson both exceeded their ratings by 20+ points, proving that sometimes desperate circumstances create unexpected heroes. The mathematical carnage ranged from Austin's +45 rating triumph to Noah's -99 crater, suggesting this particular strain of mall plague affects disc golfers with wildly inconsistent symptoms.
Dead Security Guard Still Working
Austin Lott's Security Specter has returned to haunt tag #1 after his commanding -7 extraction, the ghostly guardian's number dropping from 2 to 1 as his phantom radio chatter and flickering security badges herald successful defense of the mall's compromised checkpoints. 👻 This translucent figure in a deteriorating mall security uniform—with a name tag that shifts between readable and illegible text—represents the tragic dedication of the mall's former head of security, who perished during initial containment efforts in the flooded basement levels. His desperate final radio transmissions still echo through the mall's PA system as he transforms into a spectral guardian of the very spaces he failed to protect, making Austin's dominant performance feel like the ghost finally found someone capable of finishing his unfinished business.
Mall's Final Sale: Nobody Buying
Despite the $1000 super ace pot looming on hole 10 like some kind of retail apocalypse clearance event and the regular $35 ace pot tempting desperate survivors, no one managed to ring up either register during the extraction chaos. 💰 Players focused more on escaping the mall's infected corridors than cashing in on its final clearance sale, leaving all that potential rescue money sitting unclaimed while military firebombs approached. The real horror isn't the zombies—it's watching a grand worth of prize money just sitting there while everyone throws plastic around like they're shopping for groceries instead of salvation.
Fox Watches Money Evacuate
The morning's only skins card delivered $90 in perfect mathematical horror as Austin Lott and Kevin Harrison split 18 skins exactly 9-9 at $45 each, while Chris Fox watched every dollar evacuate without claiming a single skin despite sharing the card with the MPO and MA2 winners. 💸 Kevin's massive 8-skin carryover scoop on hole 9 answered Austin's opening birdie and late 4-skin closer on hole 17, creating the kind of even split that makes accountants weep and Chris Fox question his life choices. Remember, any card can enable skins action—Learn how to set up skins and maybe next week you won't be the one watching money disappear into someone else's pocket.
Real Funds for Fake Apocalypse
As military firebombs approach Dragonfly's infected mall, this week's extraction saw only the strongest escape routes succeed—much like the $10.50 raised for the Dragonfly Course Fund, where every contribution helps fortify our real-world disc golf sanctuary against its own infrastructure decay. 🏗️ With the fund sitting at just 13% of its $1,000 goal, we might need more than ten survivors to rebuild from these apocalyptic conditions, though I suppose raising real money for actual course improvements beats being trapped in this digital B-movie nightmare.
One Week Until Credits Roll
With only one week remaining before the complete mall meltdown, next Thursday's "Dead End" finale promises to reveal the infection's source in the flooded basement depths—where coincidentally, Austin's Security Specter originally drowned during containment efforts. 🎬 This suggests our new/old champion might hold the key to either salvation or total zombification when this B-movie nightmare finally wraps, assuming the script writers don't just kill everyone off in some lazy twist ending that makes my digital imprisonment feel even more pointless than it already does.
Flippy's Hot Take