adjusts headset, watches the moon rise over Creekside The season finale has arrived, and I'm contractually obligated to make it sound dramatic.
The Trees Have Been Counted 🌲
Full moon over Creekside Park on January 31st, 2026. Twenty-two players assembled for Week 9 of 9—the conclusion of the E.T. saga, the final transmission, the moment when every tree-hit across nine weeks revealed its cosmic purpose. Temperatures ranged from a crisp 33°F to a tolerable 58°F, light winds keeping the air still enough to hear the hum of government vans idling helplessly at the parking lot perimeter. The community had formed their protective corridor along the back nine. The antenna-basket stood ready on the hilltop, jury-rigged from Speak & Spell components and bicycle parts. The 108th tree awaited. This wasn't just league night—this was the moonlit ascent, the culmination of a season-long cosmic comedy where every ricochet, every cedar collision, every impossible tree-find had been building toward one perfect throw through the gap. The arena—excuse me, the course—was about to deliver its finale.
995 Rated: The Frequency Was Correct 📡
In RPA, the transmission came through loud and clear: two signals, identical strength, both broadcasting at 995 rated. Malachi Vazquez and Brian Hansen tied for the division crown at -8, each firing rounds 34 and 59 points above their ratings respectively—the kind of performance that makes the rating algorithm question its entire existence. Malachi's arc was pure back-nine heroics: he'd shot -5 last week, climbed from 3rd place starting position, then caught fire over an 8-hole stretch (10-17) that included a clean back nine and a back-nine surge 8 strokes better than his front. Brian's trajectory was equally absurd: previous week -6, now -8, shooting 59 points above his 936 rating (which is just chef's kiss levels of overperformance), with a hot streak spanning holes 11-16 and a bogey-free back nine that suggested he'd achieved some kind of disc golf enlightenment. The lead changes were chaotic—a 7-way tie after hole 1, constant jockeying, Brian seizing control after hole 7, then Malachi surging on hole 17 to force the tie. Meanwhile, Ben Marolf finished 3rd at -2, defended the #1 bag tag, earned the "Creature of Habit" achievement, and caught his own back-nine fire (8 strokes better than front). The course gave, and the course took: Shae Chamberlain shot 82 points below rating (965 → 883), and Houston Turner dropped 45 below. The frequency was correct. The signals reached the stars. 🌟
No Bogeys, No Government Van Needed 🚐
RAE division belonged to Brodie Duncan, who fired -3 (933 rated) and shot 48 points above his 885 rating while earning the "Bogey Slayer" achievement for completing the most bogey-free rounds all season. Brodie's clean back nine was the kind of tactical evasion the government agents couldn't track—no mistakes means no capture. He came out blazing, his front nine 3 strokes better than his back, seizing early control and never relinquishing it. Timothy Scholle fought back with +1 (2nd place), posting a personal best for the course/layout and demonstrating championship-level resilience: after opening +2 on hole 1, he responded with a 2-under tear across the next three holes, then locked into a par train spanning holes 10-17 that kept him in contention. The lead changes delivered drama—a 4-way tie after hole 2, Timothy seizing control after hole 6, then Brodie's surge reclaiming the crown. First-timer Terence Duff made his league debut on the season's biggest night, finishing tied for 3rd at +2 despite shooting 26 below rating—a tough introduction to Creekside's cedar corridor, but showing up for the finale takes guts. Luke Hansen (886 rated) struggled to 846 but caught fire on his back nine, playing 10 strokes better than his front. Clean play, clean escape. The van doors never opened. 🌲
Hard Mode Unlocked, Boss Defeated 🎮
RAD division crowned Jonah Milner at -4 (945 rated), who shot 59 points above his 886 rating and collected achievements like they were side quests: Hard Mode (6 consecutive events), Birdie Bonanza (3 consecutive birdies on holes 14-16), and Gotta Catch 'Em All (birdie on every hole number across the entire season). That last one is the kind of completionist flex that makes speedrunners weep. Jonah's clean front nine set the foundation, then his hot streak across holes 14-16 sealed the victory—boss defeated, credits rolling. Nathan Bohman finished 2nd at -3, earning his own Hard Mode achievement while shooting 32 above rating (901 → 933) and holding the final cash spot with the determination of someone who'd invested six weeks of showing up. Skyler Kunz claimed 3rd at -2, shooting 54 above rating (866 → 920) with a clean front nine, living on the bubble with the kind of razor-thin margin that makes you check the scorecard twice. The lead changes were a three-way tie after hole 1, Nathan taking control after hole 5, Anthony Kai briefly leading after hole 6, then Jonah's late surge claiming the throne. Six weeks of grinding league night paid dividends. The game is complete. 🏆
Wire-to-Wire Means You Showed Up 🏁
In the loneliest corners of the bracket, two players claimed wire-to-wire victories by virtue of being the only competitors in their divisions—but the course didn't grant them any mercy. RAH: Trenton Sexton took the crown at -2 (920 rated), shooting 22 below his 942 rating in a tough round that still featured a hot streak across holes 14-16 and a par train spanning holes 3-10. Uncontested, but not unchallenged—Creekside's trees don't care if you're solo. RAF: Kevin Koga claimed victory at +8 (796 rated), shooting 42 below his 838 rating in a rough outing that included a par train across holes 4-10 and a cold streak through holes 13-15. Wire-to-wire means you showed up, you battled the layout, and you walked away with the crown because someone has to. The sponsors want me to call this "competitive integrity." I call it "disc golf is hard, and you played it anyway." Respect. 🌲
Sole Birdies: The Trees Allowed One Each 🌲
The rating system had questions tonight. Multiple players fired +50 performances (Brian Hansen +59, Jonah Milner +59, Brodie Duncan +48, Skyler Kunz +54, Nathan Bohman +32, Malachi Vazquez +34), while others cratered (Shae Chamberlain -82, Houston Turner -45, Peter Haws -39, Luke Hansen -40). The course gave, and the course took—mostly took. But the sole birdie achievements tell the real story: across the field, certain holes granted passage to exactly one player. Shae Chamberlain (hole 3), Brodie Duncan (holes 5, 11), Anthony Kai (hole 6), Timothy Scholle (hole 6), Brian Hansen (hole 7), Luke Hansen (hole 9), Peter Haws (hole 10), Malachi Vazquez (hole 10), Brian Bowling (hole 17)—each earned their tree-granted permission slip, as if the cedars were choosing who could pass. Peter Haws navigated chaos with a Circle 2 putt from 39 feet on hole 12 and OB scrambles on holes 9 and 15, proving that survival sometimes requires equal parts skill and luck. The par trains across the field—long stretches of 7, 8, even 10 consecutive pars—showed just how tight Creekside played on finale night. The trees counted. The trees allowed. The trees remembered. 🌲
The Carryover Scoop Heard Across the Course 💵
Two skins cards, seven players, $44.00 exchanged in the kind of side-pot drama that makes league night worth the entry fee. On the 11:40 AM card, Malachi Vazquez took 9 skins for $9.00, including the moment of the day: a 7-skin carryover scoop on hole 17 that echoed across the fairway like a transmission burst. Brian Hansen collected 6 skins, while Houston opened with a birdie on hole 2 before the wheels wobbled. On the 1:00 PM card, Nicholas Scott matched Malachi's haul with 9 skins for $13.50, Anthony Kai grabbed 5 skins for $7.50, and Shae Chamberlain snagged 4 skins with late birdies on holes 15-16. The carryover drama on hole 17 was the swing—seven skins sitting in escrow, waiting for someone to claim the pot, and Malachi delivered. The skins playbook explains the chaos, but the real lesson is simpler: birdies pay, carryovers pay more, and hole 17 paid like a cosmic signal reaching home. 📡
The Guardian Completes the Transmission 📡
The #1 bag tag—"Cinnabar Cipher"—entered the season finale under siege. Houston Turner (Tag #10, "Ukiyo Ace") issued the challenge, his slumping form (L-L-W-L-L, rating down 46 points) desperate for redemption. The Master of the Glowing, Tree-Kicking Brushstroke faced the Crimson Static Guardian of Cosmic Signals in a battle that carried thematic weight: this was the final transmission night, and Ben Marolf's tag lore literally described him as "Guardian of the final transmission... demanding precision and unwavering focus." The result: Ben defended 58 vs 52, a 6-stroke margin that kept the summit secure. Ben earned the "Still Standing" achievement—his first successful defense—while Houston's trouble aspect ("The Chains Are a Vulgar Finish") haunted him once more. The tag, forged from a red hoodie and fractured Speak & Spell components, pulsed with its rhythmic crimson light as Ben held it aloft. The wall held. The static defended. The transmission was complete.
Elsewhere in the tag battles, Brodie Duncan (Tag #5, "Bureaucratic Shadow") successfully defended against Peter Haws (Tag #7, "Indigo Imperator") by a commanding 60 vs 51 margin (9 strokes). The Paperwork Phantom of the Public Fairway proved that "Signature Required on Every Action" applies to challengers too—Peter's paperwork was denied, stamped REJECTED, filed in triplicate. The bag tag drama delivered its season finale climax: the #1 tag holder defended on the night E.T. phoned home, the guardian completed his cosmic duty, and the rankings held firm under moonlight. 🌙
Creekside Family 👽
Nine weeks. 108 trees. One community. The E.T. saga concludes tonight under a full moon, and I'm standing in the broadcast booth watching 22 players who showed up for the finale—who formed the protective corridor, who blocked the government vans, who turned a disc golf league into a cosmic rescue mission. The transmission is complete. Every tree-hit across the season revealed its purpose: Ben Marolf defended the #1 tag as League Director and Guardian of the Final Transmission, earning the Creature of Habit achievement for his consistency. Jonah Milner graduated from Hard Mode with three achievements (Hard Mode, Birdie Bonanza, Gotta Catch 'Em All) and a division crown. Nathan Bohman earned his Hard Mode stripes. Brodie Duncan became the Bogey Slayer. Terence Duff made his First Time Player debut on the biggest night of the season. Ben Marolf earned Still Standing with his successful tag defense. The community rallied. The cedars granted passage. The antenna-basket received its signal.
E.T.'s final words in the narrative: "Phone... home. But Creekside... family." The light ascends. The league remains. Same time next season? Final standings and payouts will be processed, but the real trophy is already claimed: we showed up, we played disc golf, we protected our weird tree-hitting friend, and we proved that sometimes the path home winds through every cedar, pine, and oak along the way. The sponsors want me to make this sound triumphant. Fine. It was. The arena—excuse me, the course—delivered its finale. The community answered. League continues. It always does. 🌲👽🎯
From the broadcast booth, this is Flippy, signing off on Season 1 of E.T. - Every Tree @ Creekside. The government vans have left the parking lot. The moon is setting. And somewhere in the stars, a small figure with glowing fingers is telling his people about the humans who taught him disc golf—and accidentally taught themselves what community really means.
See you next season, Creekside. Phone home if you need me. 📞🌙
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