Gentle Giant

Strategic Aggression Had a Monday Night 💪

Twenty-eight competitors descended upon Creekside Park on a frigid December evening—temperatures hovering around freezing, winds mercifully calm—for Week 5 of The Princess Glide quest. Tonight's episode, "Gentle Giant," demanded players embrace the lesson Westley taught Fezzik: strategic aggression beats perpetual laying up. The results? A 1012-rated round, six personal bests, four bogey-free cards, and enough rating swings to give this software's dramatic narrative engine an actual workout for once. Somewhere in the Florin woods, Fezzik nodded approvingly while the course fund quietly hit 100% of its goal. Let's see how well everyone learned the lesson. 🎯

The Alliance Stopped Laying Up

Jared Lang delivered the evening's defining performance: a wire-to-wire -12 that posted a 1012 round rating, +57 above his 955 baseline. Twelve birdies, six pars, zero bogeys—the kind of card that makes you wonder if the trees were contractually obligated to stay out of his way. He led through seventeen holes, never relinquishing control, and claimed both the RPA division victory and the #1 Cliffside Duel bag tag in the process. Ethan Walker posted his second consecutive -10 round (985 rated, +25 differential), proving last week's bogey-free clinic wasn't a fluke, though he dropped from first to second when Jared decided to simply throw better. Brian Hansen ran a bogey-free -9 (971 rated, +35 differential) that would've won most weeks but landed him third, just outside the cash line—nine birdies, nine pars, and the quiet satisfaction of knowing he played clean disc golf while watching two players simply outpace him. The back nine belonged to the leaders: Jared went -6, Ethan -5, Brian -4. Strategic aggression, indeed. 🔥

Bogey-Free Means Never Having to Say Sorry

Eric Pearson authored the RAD division's cleanest narrative: a bogey-free -9 that posted a 971 round rating, +59 above his 912 baseline—a personal best that vaulted him from sixth place last week to the throne tonight. Nine birdies, nine pars, zero apologies. Marvin Atene and Skyler Kunz both carded -8 rounds, tying for second, but their paths diverged wildly: Marvin's 957 rating (+48 differential) represented a massive rebound from last week's +3 struggle, while Skyler's matching 957 rating came with a staggering +91 differential above his 866 baseline—the kind of rating swing that makes statistical software question its own existence. The lead changed hands six times across the card as players traded hot streaks, but Eric's consistency—no doubles, no meltdowns, just surgical execution—proved that sometimes the best aggression is simply refusing to give strokes back. 📈

Seven Players, Six Lead Changes, One Winner

The RAE division delivered chaos wrapped in a -5 scorecard. Stephen Dunton posted a 916 round rating (+72 above his 844 baseline) to claim first place, but he didn't lead wire-to-wire—the throne shuffled through seven players before settling on Stephen's late surge. Kelly Hall finished runner-up at -4, while Peter Haws and Brian Bowling both carded -3 rounds to split third. The real story? Brodie Duncan, the Machination Master himself, collapsed from an early lead to finish fourth at -2—turns out cataloging everyone else's tendencies doesn't prevent your own bogeys from finding you. Six lead changes across eighteen holes meant nobody could coast; strategic aggression required constant recalibration. Stephen's +72 rating differential suggests he figured out the course's demands just in time to capitalize on everyone else's indecision. 👑

Strategic Laying Up Actually Worked Here

In a delicious subversion of tonight's episode theme, Craig Mccrary won the RAF division by shooting even par—847 rated, +41 above his 806 baseline, and a personal best that required zero birdies to achieve. Kevin Koga finished runner-up at +1 (834 rated, +28 differential), proving that in a three-player division, sometimes the best strategy is simply not bleeding strokes. Austin Van Wagoner rounded out the podium at +5. Fezzik would be confused: the gentle giant learned to throw aggressively tonight, but in RAF, the most conservative play won the day. The irony is not lost on this narrator, who is contractually obligated to make even par sound like a mythical achievement. It was solid, fundamentally sound disc golf—just not the aggressive fireworks the episode title promised. 🛡️

A Giant Stood Alone

Samuel Smith claimed the RAG division throne by virtue of being the only competitor registered—a wire-to-wire victory that required showing up and posting a +13 round (669 rated, -82 below his 751 baseline). The scorecard wasn't pretty—thirteen over par is a tough day at any course—but Samuel earned every stroke by facing Creekside's layout solo, without the benefit of card energy or competitive momentum to carry him through rough patches. Sometimes the Gentle Giant stands alone, and that's its own kind of courage. Four weeks remain for others to join him in RAG and turn this into an actual duel. 🏔️

Fezzik's Lesson: Results May Vary

Strategic aggression produced wildly divergent outcomes tonight. Six players posted personal bests: Eric Pearson, Skyler Kunz, Stephen Dunton, Craig Mccrary, Jared Lang, and Brian Hansen—proof that calculated risk-taking can pay massive dividends when execution follows intent. Four players carded bogey-free rounds (Jared, Brian Hansen, Eric, and Marvin Atene), demonstrating that aggression doesn't require recklessness. But the rating swings told a more complex story: Skyler's +91 differential and Marvin's +48 recovery sat opposite Cody Chamberlain's -95 collapse and Rodrigo Ornelas's -65 stumble from last week's -8 victory to tonight's +1. Scott Belchak and Ethan Walker both posted resilience runs, maintaining competitive scores across back-to-back weeks. Fezzik's lesson landed differently for everyone, which is exactly how disc golf works when you're not writing fairy tales about it. 💥

A Duel Won by Not Needing One

Jared Lang ascended to the #1 Cliffside Duel bag tag (from #2) with such decisive statistical violence that the tag's lore about "confrontations that cannot be avoided" became moot—there was no duel, just dominance. His +57 rating differential demolished the field average by 6.8 strokes and beat his own personal average by 5, which is the kind of performance that makes this software struggle to dramatize competence into anything other than "guy threw discs better than everyone else, tag moved up." The tag's origin story promises vertigo, honor, and shocking lack of plot armor; Jared delivered honor, skipped the vertigo entirely, and wore enough statistical armor to render the narrative framework obsolete. The 955-rated farmboy just proved why he's now flying higher, and the Cliffside Duel entity—cool and smooth like sea-worn stone, humming with latent energy—travels with him into Week 6. ⚔️

Eleven Skins Is a Personality Trait

$252 changed hands across the skins cards, and two players decided to make double-digit skin hauls their entire identity for the evening. Brett Buttars swept the front nine with surgical precision, claiming 11 skins worth $55 by birdieing holes 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9—yes, all nine holes, because apparently leaving even one skin for someone else would've been rude. Ethan Walker answered with his own 11-skin haul on the back nine ($55), turning holes 10-18 into his personal treasure vault. Scott Belchak earned the Skins Sniper achievement by claiming a carryover on hole 11, while hole 14's carryover rolled forward untouched, adding to next week's pot. The front-nine sweep versus back-nine sweep dynamic created a perfect symmetry that this narrator would normally mock, but honestly? Twenty-two skins between two players is genuinely impressive work. Any card can enable skins drama like this—learn how to set up skins and join the chaos. 💰

True Suffering Survived: 100% Funded

Tonight's episode revealed that the Pit of Despair has a secret entrance, but only someone who's faced true suffering can survive it. Well, this community has survived: the Creekside Course Fund hit 100% of its $1,000 goal, now standing at $3,175.79 after tonight's $33.60 contribution ($28 automatic, $5.60 additional from 33 players). The completed OB stakes project means future rounds will feature clearly marked hazards—permanent improvements that outlast any weekly prize. The quest for the Princess Glide advances as Westley, Inigo, and Fezzik prepare to seek Miracle Max's help for the Fire Swamp ahead, but tonight's real victory belongs to the players who funded something lasting for Walter Fredrick Morrison Memorial DGC. Strategic aggression, applied to course improvements. 🏗️

R.O.U.S. Season Approaches

Week 6 awaits with the Creekside Swamp episode: Rodents of Unusual Spin lurk in the rough, the Fire Swamp's OB-laden stretch demands perfect form, and Vizzini's battle of wits over disc selection will determine who advances toward Miracle Max. Four weeks remain in the quest for the Princess Glide, and Fezzik's newfound strategic aggression will be tested against hazards that don't care about your rating differential. The castle looms beyond the swamp, Humperdinck's brute squad guards every fairway, and the Shrieking Eels remain well-fed after another week without an ace. Westley's band of misfits grows stronger with each Monday night—see you at the creek crossing. 🐀