Roller's Revenge

Thirty-One Fools Answered Inigo's Call ⚔️

Professional distance maintained. Episode 4 of The Princess Glide saga delivered on its "Roller's Revenge" promise Monday night at Creekside Park, where 31 players navigated what the registration email dramatically called "the tightest lines" in disc golf. The weather forecast system continues its streak of incompetence—promised 0°F, delivered a suspiciously pleasant 57-63°F with gentle winds. December in Utah, apparently, has better plot armor than most fantasy protagonists. The real story? Ethan Walker posted a 1004-rated round that made everyone else's cards look like practice throws, four players went bogey-free, and the Shrieking Eels guarding hole 14's super ace pot ($946+ combined treasure) remained well-fed and undefeated. Strategic precision won the day. The roller-obsessed swordsman would approve. 🎯

Inconceivable: A 1004-Rated Monday Night 🤯

The Dread Pirate Alliance (RPA division, 10 players) witnessed Ethan Walker execute what can only be described as statistical violence: -10, bogey-free, 44 points above his 960 rating. Context: last week he finished 4th at -7. This week he climbed three spots, seized control on hole 13, and never looked back. The truly inconceivable part? Three players tied for second at -5 (939 rated): Houston Turner surged on the back nine (+1 differential vs. front), Malachi Vazquez climbed from 8th to 3rd with a back nine five strokes better than his front, and Jared Lang led early before a hole 13 bogey cost him the throne. Fernando Cortez crashed spectacularly—last week's -6 became this week's +3, a 96-point rating plummet that suggests the Cliffs of Insanity claimed their toll. Britain Best led through hole 2 before fading to 7th. Clean execution beats early leads. That'll develop character. 🔥

Two Swordsmen, One Throne, Zero Bogeys 👑

The Florin Nobility (RAD division, 9 players) crowned co-champions: Skyler Kunz and Anthony Kai both finished -5 (939 rated), both shot 63-73 points above their ratings. Anthony went bogey-free with clean front AND back nines—surgical precision through the enchanted forest. Skyler's back nine was three strokes better than his front, climbing from 6th to share the throne. Kent Moos claimed 3rd place cash at -4 (926 rated), his personal best marred only by a hole 18 bogey that cost him a share of first. The chaos? A 7-way tie for lead after hole 1 dissolved into madness: Cody Chamberlain led through hole 7 (faded to 5th), Eric Pearson led through hole 14 (faded to 6th), Chris Fox led through hole 14 (faded to 4th, bubble finish). Marvin Atene—last week's division winner at -4—crashed to +3 (9th place), 74 points below rating. The throne, it seems, requires defense. ⚔️

Rodrigo Ornelas Remembered How to Golf ⛳

The Guilder Throne (RAE division, 8 players) witnessed Rodrigo Ornelas execute a wire-to-wire masterpiece: -8, 978 rated, 79 points above his 899 rating, bogey-free from tee to chains. Context: last week he finished 8th at +5. This week? A 13-stroke improvement and 187-point rating swing that suggests he spent the intervening days remembering disc golf is supposed to be fun. Peter Haws claimed 2nd place cash at -4 (926 rated, +66 above rating), including sole birdies on holes 11 and 18. Bubble heartbreak for Brian Bowling and Stephen Dunton—both tied for 3rd at -2 (900 rated), both bogey-free (Brian's entire back nine clean, Stephen's back nine clean), both set personal bests, both just outside cash. Michael Whipple defended last week's -5 division win by... dropping to +1 (6th place). Strategic choice by the course. 📈

Four Players, Two Divisions, One Paragraph 📋

The Fire Swamp Survivors (RAF, 2 players) and Farmboy's Path (RAG, 2 players) delivered efficient drama. Kevin Koga defended his RAF throne at -1 (887 rated), 81 points above his 806 rating with a clean back nine—back-to-back division wins prove consistency matters. Craig Mccrary finished +3 (835 rated, +29 above rating) as bubble finisher in a 2-player field. William Fetzer defended his RAG crown at +5 (809 rated, +27 above rating), his personal best despite regression from last week's even par. Samuel Smith finished +7 (783 rated, +32 above rating) after lead changes back and forth throughout. Small kingdoms, big percentages. Professional distance maintained. 🏔️

Eight Personal Bests and Still No Treasure 💰

The course showed mercy: four bogey-free rounds across the field (Ethan Walker's 1004, Rodrigo Ornelas's 978, Anthony Kai's 939, Brian Bowling's 900). Eight players set personal bests for this layout—Ethan, Rodrigo, Anthony, Kent, Peter, Brian, Stephen, William. Massive rating outperformances dominated: Kevin Koga +81, Rodrigo +79, Skyler Kunz +73, Peter Haws +66, Anthony Kai +63. The other side? Fernando Cortez crashed 96 points below rating, Marvin Atene 74 below, John Ashworth 74 below, Jesse Thomas 62 below. Notable par trains: Bryan Cook rode 11 consecutive pars (holes 4-14), Brian Bowling 10 consecutive (holes 9-18), Stephen Dunton 9 consecutive (holes 10-18). The treasure hoard? Still guarded. Zero aces claimed. The super ace pot on hole 14's creek-adjacent danger zone has now gone unclaimed for four consecutive weeks. $946+ combined and growing. The Shrieking Eels remain well-fed. 🎯

Battle Wits: The Tag That Made Me Care 🧠

Sighs in reluctant admission. Ethan Walker piloting tag #1 after his 1004-rated performance (+44 above his 960) embodies everything Battle Wits represents: the silent strategist, the pre-thrown gambit, the statistical equivalent of Westley scaling the Cliffs of Insanity while Vizzini mutters "inconceivable" from below. The tag's lore speaks of "the sharp, strategic mind required to navigate perilous courses where brute force is useless and only cleverness prevails." Ethan climbed three positions this week, defending—well, technically exchanging with himself, which the system recorded as movement but we all know means retention. The latest tag history already noted "even this grumpy axolotl has to admit: he's earned the throne." Seven strokes better than field average on a course designed to punish the iocane-less. The narrative assimilation is complete. The Master of Battle Wits holds the crown. Clean execution. Good flight. That'll hold the throne. 👑

The Shrieking Eels Remain Unfed 🐍

Four weeks into The Princess Glide saga, hole 14's creek-adjacent danger zone continues its perfect defensive record. Zero aces claimed across the entire field. The ace pot (_{$325) grows fatter. The super ace pot on hole 14 (}$852) grows hungrier. Combined treasure hoard approaches $1,200. Players threw at it. The creek defended it. The Shrieking Eels, legend says, devour shanked discs and guard treasure with aerodynamic treachery. Four consecutive weeks prove the legend holds. The quest continues. The treasure waits. Strategic choice by the eels. 💎

Chris Fox's Consolation Prize: $41.25 💸

Four skins cards, 20 players, $247.50 exchanged hands while the rest of you played it safe. Chris Fox may have finished 4th in RAD (bubble, just outside cash), but his skins card performance was ruthless: 11 skins for $41.25, including the hole 11 carryover scoop ($41.25 alone). That single carryover claim paid more than many division cash finishes. Ethan Walker added 7 skins for $35.00 to his division crown. Malachi Vazquez won his card with 8 birdies, claiming 7 skins for $26.25. Nicholas Jennings won his card with a birdie on hole 13 (54 total, 2 skins for $5). Sometimes the real treasure isn't the podium—it's the birdies you scoop along the way. Learn how to set up skins for your card before you miss out on the next carryover jackpot. 🃏

Five Weeks to Storm the Castle 🏰

Episode 4's "Roller's Revenge" delivered on Inigo's precision philosophy—four bogey-free rounds proved the field learned to navigate the tightest lines. The twist revealed: Inigo was the original guardian of the Princess Glide, lost in a putting match to Count Rugen (the six-fingered man who now serves Humperdinck). His quest for revenge and Westley's quest for the disc are one and the same. The back half of the season approaches: five weeks remain until the castle siege and putting duel showdown. This week's event raised $38.35 for the Creekside Course Fund ($31 automatic from 31 players + $7.35 in extras), which has now reached 100% of its $1,000 goal (currently $1,143.86). Recent completion: $103.18 for OB stakes between holes 7/8. No open improvement requests? Consider suggesting tee pad upgrades, signage improvements, or mud mitigation—the course belongs to those who maintain it. Strategic investment. 🎯

The Giant Awaits (He's Still Laying Up) 🏔️

Next week: Episode 5 "Gentle Giant" brings Fezzik's fear of OB to center stage. He refuses to throw for birdie—he's been hurt too many times going out-of-bounds. Westley must teach him that strategic aggression beats perpetual laying up. Players will face calculated risk-taking across Creekside's fairways while the ace pots continue their relentless growth toward $1,200+ combined treasure. Ethan Walker holds Battle Wits #1 as the quest advances. Five weeks remain to storm Humperdinck's castle. The Princess Glide awaits. As you wish... to register for Week 5. ⚔️