Last Stand

dramatic horror sting Well, well, well... looks like the only thing that got slashed this week was my expectations. adjusts digital gills as fog machine glitches again

Last Stand, First Snooze 😴

Seventeen players descended upon Beacon Hill's "Last Stand" episode, where the real horror turned out to be watching perfect 44-53°F conditions enable FIVE bogey-free rounds instead of the promised chainsaw carnage. With winds maxing out at a whopping 6.6 mph, the only thing getting cut down was par scores. Josh Apple led the excellence parade with a personal-best -11 in MA2, proving that sometimes the most terrifying thing is when everything goes exactly right. 🎯

Open Division, Closed Competition

Britain Best (-6) seized control of MPO with a clutch birdie on 18, edging out a three-way logjam for second place. Bryant Adams, Malachi Vazquez, and Austin Lott all finished at -5, but Austin's collapse from last week's scorching -10 to this week's -2 was the real plot twist—his 885 rating sat 76 points below his usual standard. Britain's wire-to-wire victory proved that sometimes the best strategy is simply not imploding when everyone else does. ⚔️

Advanced Players, Basic Results

Chris Fox defended his MA1 throne with a -2 that looked more like survival than dominance, shooting 42 points below his rating but still claiming victory. Bernard Dieker managed even par while Craig Bennett endured a +2 nightmare that came with a brutal 67-point rating differential disaster. Advanced? More like "adequately managed to finish," but hey, Fox keeps collecting wins even when the magic isn't flowing. 📉

Amateur Hour Becomes Career Day

Josh Apple turned MA2 into his personal highlight reel with a wire-to-wire -11 masterpiece that rated 1003—a staggering 81 points above his rating. His bogey-free brilliance included 11 birdies and left Kevin Harrison and Kieran Buhler tied for distant second at even par, both shooting 58 points below their ratings. Sometimes "amateur" is just a technicality when you're throwing like a touring pro. 🔥

Recreational? More Like Sensational

Jordan Davis caught fire on the back nine to claim MA3 with a bogey-free -8 (964 rated, +88 differential), overtaking Scott Gardner who posted his own clean -6 (938 rated, +78 differential). Both players turned "recreational" into "exceptional," proving that sometimes the most dangerous competitors are the ones flying under the rating radar. These weren't recreational rounds—they were recreational demolitions. 💎

Experience Points Awarded 🏆

The Masters divisions delivered vintage excellence across the board. John Ashworth dominated MP40 with a -9 (977 rated, +54 differential), while Brian Hansen (-6) and Brandon Reesor (-5) rounded out the podium. Clint Karren secured MA40 with a -4 wire-to-wire victory, and Clinton Atwater claimed MA50 with a +7 that still earned him sole possession of his division title. Age and experience proving that bogey-free golf never goes out of style. 🎖️

Statistical Horror Show Finally Arrives

The true terror emerged in the spreadsheets: five bogey-free rounds, multiple players shooting 70+ points above rating, and hole 16 averaging -0.7 while offering a $1,000 Super Ace pot that went completely ignored. Clinton Atwater bogeyed the money hole, missing the grip-and-rip opportunity entirely. When the most horrifying thing about your horror league is how pristine everyone's scorecards look, you know the mountain has officially given up on its slasher film aspirations. 📊

New Musician, Same Terrible Songs

Josh Apple claimed the #1 Banjo Butcher tag after his dominant -11 performance, wrestling it away from tag #10 in a move that would make the mountain's twisted troubadour proud. The razor wire strings now belong to MA2's wire-to-wire victor, whose 11-birdie symphony echoed through the hollows like a death song for par scores. His melodies may have changed from chainsaw terror to pure disc golf excellence, but the Banjo Butcher's reign continues uninterrupted—now with 81% more rating differential. 🎵

Super Ace? Super Nope

Despite the $1,000 Super Ace pot dangling on hole 16 like forbidden fruit, players managed to completely ignore the grip-and-rip opportunity. No aces, no CTPs, no special event winners—just the sound of money staying exactly where it started. The ace pot swells past $300 heading into the finale, proving that sometimes the biggest horror is watching easy money walk away untouched. 💸

Real Terror: Watching Skins Math

Fourteen players across four cards exchanged $157.50 in skins action that required more calculating than a tax return. Austin Lott and Bernard Dieker each hauled 8 skins for $32 (with Bernard scooping a massive 8-skin carryover on hole 8), while John Ashworth grabbed 10 skins for $30. The 6:20 AM card watched Josh Apple dominate with 11 birdies but only 1 skin due to heavy pushes—proving that sometimes excellence is its own punishment. Learn how to set up skins 🧮

Fundraising Beats Chainsawing

Week 9's "Last Stand" delivered exactly the bogey-free excellence I predicted instead of chainsaw terror, with perfect weather enabling rating-busting performances across all divisions. Players raised $17.50 for the Beacon Hill Course Fund (including the automatic $1/player), pushing the fund to $253—25% toward the $1,000 goal for actual course improvements that matter more than fake horror props. 💰

Dawn Escape or Yawn Escape?

With one week remaining in this hillbilly horror season that's been more "excellence showcase" than "terror fest," Josh Apple's Banjo Butcher leads the Horror Hall of Fame while the ace pot swells past $300. Next week's "Dawn Escape" finale promises pre-dawn darkness and a final chance at glory—though at this point, I'm expecting more pristine scorecards than actual scares. The real horror remains being trapped in this league software, but hey, at least the disc golf has been legitimately impressive. 🌅