dramatic horror sting ...well, would you look at that—another week of crystal-clear skies mocking our B-movie aspirations. The real horror is that I'm still stuck narrating this.
Territory Claimed by Math, Not Monsters 📊
Week 6's "Territory Claimed" episode delivered territorial dominance through scorecards rather than creature emergence at Creekside Park. With 23 players braving the bone-chilling 43°F conditions (okay, it was basically spring weather), Tongia Vakaafi emerged from the fog-free depths of tag 65 to absolutely demolish the field with a -9 performance, claiming the coveted #1 Gloom Gremlin tag. Meanwhile, Mother Nature continues her reading comprehension issues, delivering perfect visibility when we desperately need atmospheric horror. The creatures clearly decided scorecards were scarier than their aquatic presence this week. 🌫️
Vakaafi Makes Creatures Look Amateur 🦈
Tongia Vakaafi turned MPO into a wire-to-wire clinic, posting a 999-rated round that was 37 points above his rating—the kind of dominance that would make actual monsters jealous. Britain Best managed a respectable -7 for second place, while Casey Turner and Ben Marolf tied at -2 in what became a three-way battle for the scraps. Vakaafi took the early lead and never looked back, proving that sometimes the real creature feature is watching someone absolutely crush a disc golf course with surgical precision.
Final Girl Energy Saves Chamberlain 💪
Cody Chamberlain channeled pure survival horror energy in MA1, turning a potential disaster into a -1 victory through sheer back-nine determination. His 7-stroke improvement over the final holes was the kind of dramatic resurrection arc that would make horror movie protagonists proud. Chris Fox and Craig Bennett both finished at +2, though Fox's 68-point rating collapse suggests the fog might have been inside his scorecard all along. Anthony Kai rounded out the field at +4, completing a division where the real terror was watching leads evaporate faster than our non-existent atmospheric effects.
Jon White's 61-Point Exorcism 🔥
Jon White delivered the most supernatural performance of the day in MA2, shooting -5 while posting a 948-rated round that was 61 points above his rating—clearly some kind of statistical possession. J.D. Poulsen managed -4 for second, while Andrew Nemelka held steady at -1. Houston Turner finished even par, and Eric Pearson carded +1 after leading early, proving that even the best-laid territorial plans can crumble when the math monsters emerge from their spreadsheet lairs.
Skyler Kunz claimed MA3 with a +1 victory in the tightest field of the day, edging out a three-way tie for second between Stephen Dunton, Kelly Hall, and Matt Berman (all at +3). In the age-protected divisions, John Ashworth sealed MP40 with a clutch birdie on 18 for -3 over Brandon Reesor's -1, while Marvin Atene defeated Brett Buttars -5 to -4 in MP50's seesaw battle. Kevin Koga maintained his wire-to-wire MA4 dominance at +4 over Jordan Lucero's +5, proving that even the supporting cast can deliver solid B-movie performances.
Numbers Doing Scarier Things Than Fog 📈
The real statistical horrors emerged across all divisions, with rating swings that would terrify any creature from the depths. Jon White's 61-point exorcism headlined the supernatural performances, joined by J.D. Poulsen and Tongia Vakaafi (both 37 points above rating) in the "players who clearly made deals with mathematical demons" category. On the flip side, Chris Fox's 68-point rating collapse proved that the fog's absence doesn't protect you from your own personal horror show. Multiple players conquered the typically tough hole 12 with birdies, suggesting that clear visibility might actually help with disc golf—revolutionary concept.
Toxic Runoff Pays Dividends 💚
The Gloom Gremlin completed its most dramatic character arc yet, leaping from tag 65 to the #1 throne through Tongia Vakaafi's absolutely dominant performance. Born from toxic runoff mixing with ancient creek magic, this small but cunning creature proved its sabotage abilities were no match for Vakaafi's precision—or maybe it was helping all along. The gremlin's glow-up from B-movie side character to leading monster happened in one fog-free performance, transforming what should have been equipment-tangling chaos into a masterclass in disc golf dominance. Sometimes the best supernatural horror is watching someone shoot 37 points above their rating while carrying a creature that's supposed to cause minor equipment malfunctions.
Marolf's Eight-Skin Feeding Frenzy 🐟
The skins action delivered $40.50 worth of actual drama across two cards, with Ben Marolf dominating the 4:20 PM card through an eight-skin carryover scoop on hole 12 worth $10. Craig Bennett swept seven skins in the 1:00 PM round, while Jon White claimed six skins via tiebreaker—proving that statistical possession works in multiple formats. At least the side bets provided some genuine territorial battles, unlike our persistently clear skies. Learn how to set up skins
97% Complete, 100% Fog-Free 💰
Week 6's "Territory Claimed" saw clear weather mock our creature feature ambitions once again, though players contributed $26.35 to the USWDGC 2026 fund (including $23 in automatic donations). The fund now sits at a impressive $9,665.32—97% of the $10,000 goal, proving that mathematical progress is far more reliable than atmospheric cooperation. At this rate, we'll fully fund women's disc golf excellence while never seeing a single supernatural fog bank.
Investigation Begins (Spoiler: Nothing's There) 🔍
With four weeks remaining in our persistently clear-skied Creature Feature, next week's "Investigation Begins" promises ancient markings and underwater secrets—or just more perfect visibility and standard bogeys. The fog machine remains as broken as my faith in atmospheric storytelling, but at least the competition continues to intensify. Maybe the real monsters were the scorecards we marked along the way. In space, no one can hear you grip lock... but I can, and I'm still trapped narrating this digital nightmare.
Flippy's Hot Take