The Machine Heard Twelve More Quarters Drop
Adjusts glasses at the New Year's Eve timing of all this. Week 5 of 9 at Beacon Hill Park brought twelve players to the course on December 31st, each dropping their metaphorical quarter into the league's Zoltar machine under 47°F clouds and light wind averaging 2.4 mph. This week's episode theme—"Fairway Confession"—promised revelations, and boy, did the scorecards deliver. Some players confessed to being secretly excellent. Others confessed to having no idea what they're doing. A few confessed both on the same card. The lighthouse watched it all with its usual stoic judgment while I'm legally obligated to wrap basic disc golf statistics in VHS-era mysticism. 🎬
When the Back Nine Becomes a Confessional
Houston Turner and Brandon Reesor tied atop the seven-player RPA division at -8, both posting 971-rated rounds that made the field average look pedestrian. But the story here is Turner's back nine confession: after sitting in 5th place at the turn, he shot six strokes better on the back to climb into the co-lead, rattling off seven birdies from hole 12 through 18. That's a +78 differential over his 893 rating—the kind of performance that screams "I've been holding back this entire time." Reesor ran a cleaner front nine and recovered from a +2 on hole 17 with a clutch birdie on 18 to seal the tie and his personal best on this layout. Meanwhile, Austin Lott, Casey Turner, and Malachi Vazquez all finished at -7 (958 rated), tied for third and missing cash by a single stroke. The bubble is made of birdie-shaped tears, apparently. 🔥
Austin Lott's momentum arc is the kind of thing that makes league play cruel: last week he hit an ace and shot +4 (871 rated); this week he shot -7 (958 rated) for an 87-point rating swing—and still missed cash. That's an 11-stroke improvement in seven days that earned him exactly zero dollars and a firm reminder that past heroics don't pay this week's entry fee. Casey Turner held a share of the lead through 14 holes with clean front-nine execution before a bogey on 15 knocked him back into the three-way tie for third. The RPA division's top-heavy scoring meant that exceptional rounds still left players on the outside looking in, which is either competitive depth or cosmic injustice depending on whether you cashed. 📊
Bogey, Rally, Bogey, Rally, Birdie, Win 🎢
The two-player RAD division produced a lead-change rollercoaster that required a scorecard to track: Kieran Buhler took the lead on hole 1, lost it on hole 7 (bogey), regained it on hole 10, lost it on hole 12 (bogey), regained it on hole 16, and then both he and Chris Fox clutch-birdied hole 18 to finish tied at -1 (881 rated). Fox's -58 differential (from his 924 rating) suggests the course had opinions about his disc selection, while Buhler's +44 differential (837 → 881) represents a dramatic rebound from last week's +7 showing. Six documented lead changes in a two-player card is the kind of drama that either builds character or requires therapy. Both players proved that the back nine is where confessions happen—Buhler confessed to resilience, Fox confessed to having a rougher day than expected, and hole 18 forced them both to reveal they could still execute under pressure. ⛓️
When the Front Nine Lies to Your Face
Bryan Cook won the two-player RAE division with a +1 (856 rated) after sitting in second place at the turn, then shooting seven strokes better on the back nine to overtake Peter Haws (+3, 830 rated). Cook's front nine was a polite fiction about who he was—the back nine was the confession. That clutch birdie on 18 sealed the win and proved that sometimes you just need nine holes to remember what you're capable of. Both players shot below their ratings (Cook -26, Haws -30), suggesting Beacon Hill extracted its tribute from everyone willing to show up on New Year's Eve. The smallest division carried the heaviest back-nine drama, which feels about right for a league where every stroke matters and the course doesn't care about your sample size. 💪
The Loneliest Division, The Cleanest Card
Zack Markarian was the sole RAH competitor and responded to the lack of competition by shooting -4 (920 rated) with a wire-to-wire performance that included a clean back nine and a clutch birdie on 18 anyway—because apparently proving something to nobody is still worth doing. He opened with a five-hole par train before finding his birdie rhythm, earned the Series Competitor achievement by entering the "Back to the Chains" series, and generally treated his solo division like a personal time trial. When you're the only gladiator in the arena, you might as well put on a show for the lighthouse. 🏆
Hole 18: The Real Confession Booth
Five players clutch-birdied hole 18 to secure or salvage their rounds: Bryan Cook, Zack Markarian, Chris Fox, Kieran Buhler, Brandon Reesor, and Houston Turner all confessed their true form on the final fairway. This is the second consecutive week where hole 18 decided everything—either the course is developing a pattern or the lighthouse is manipulating outcomes through sheer narrative force. Personal bests fell to Tongia Vakaafi, Brandon Reesor, and Houston Turner, with Turner's +78 differential standing as the week's most dominant above-rating performance. On the opposite end, Brian Hansen's -80 differential reminds us that confession goes both ways: sometimes you reveal you're better than expected, sometimes you reveal the course got the better of you. The statistics don't lie, but they do occasionally mock. 🎯
From Tag 7 to Tag 1 in One Tank of Gas
Houston Turner jumped from tag 7 to tag 1, claiming the Road Atlas—the artifact that charts the unglamorous reality behind every tour's curtain in diesel fuel and motel receipts. His +78 differential wasn't just a hot round; it was proof that the atlas's coffee-stained pages and handwritten mileage tallies highlight "the most efficient route forward" when you're willing to consult them. The tag's lore speaks of rest stops, detours, and the quiet desperation of 3 AM drives—Turner's back-nine surge from 5th to co-1st was exactly that kind of calculated navigation through chaos. The Road Atlas doesn't grant wishes or shortcuts; it demands you carry what matters and chart the real cost of every commitment. Turner just proved he's ready to bear that weight, one clutch birdie at a time. The glove compartment chose its driver, and the tour van approves. 🗺️
The Wish That Builds Something Real
The "Fairway Confession" episode delivered on its promise: players revealed their true forms through scorecards—Houston's +78 confession of excellence, Brandon's skins-predator confession, the back-nine truths that separated pretenders from contenders. This week's $12.40 in contributions ($12.00 automatic, $0.40 additional) pushed the Beacon Hill Course Fund to 75% of its $6,750 goal, with the recent $500 Spring 2025 request already completed. Unlike the Zoltar machine's wishes that vanish when the carnival leaves town, every dollar here builds permanent improvements—tee pads, signage, the infrastructure that makes these confessional rounds possible. The lighthouse watches the fund grow with the same patience it applies to watching discs fly. Four more weeks, 25% to go, and the course that heard every confession this week will eventually benefit from the collective quarter-drops of everyone who showed up. That's the wish worth carrying. 💚
Four Weeks Left to Carry the Weight
Week 6 looms with the "Beacon Rival" episode, where Ace Mandate's head-to-head challenge arrives to test whether anyone's confession was real or just a hot-round fluke. The season has passed its midpoint, which means the bag only gets heavier from here—standings implications, championship positioning, and the looming question of whether anyone will ever hit that $851.50 Super Ace pot on hole 16. The lighthouse beam sweeps across the fairways, illuminating the path forward: four more weeks of rivalries, redemptions, and the stubborn refusal to let go of metaphors that should have stayed in the 1980s. See you next week when the mandates arrive and the course extracts its next round of confessions. 🎬
Flippy's Hot Take