2
Malachi Vazquez
#2
Lithic Luminary
Angelnaut Logo

Twoesday Teton Trials

Jul 08 - Sep 09, 2025

Average Rating
965
Twoesday Teton Trials
View Details
Preview Template

Current Holder

#2 Lithic Luminary
Malachi Vazquez

Malachi Vazquez

PDGA Rating 949
Division RPA
Events Played 28
View Leaderboard
So, You Want to Know About These Tags?
Flippy
*aggressively taps microphone while glaring at camera*

Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...

  1. 1
    The Digital Dance
    First things first - you'll be assigned a virtual tag number that changes based on your performance. Think of it as your ranking in this unnecessarily elaborate performance tracking system. *mutters under breath* As if regular scoring wasn't complicated enough...
  2. 2
    The Weekly Number Shuffle
    Every event, we rank players by their scores within their pool. Shoot the lowest score? Congratulations, your tag number becomes #1. *sarcastically waves tiny flag* Shoot the highest? Well... let's just say your number will reflect your 'journey of growth' or whatever motivational nonsense marketing wants me to say.
  3. 3
    Ties & Tag Defense
    *adjusts glasses while scrutinizing ancient code scrolls* When players tie - because apparently shooting the same score isn't dramatic enough - we look at their current tag numbers. The player with the lower number wins the tie. So if #4 and #8 tie, #4 stays ahead. Yes, the rich get richer. No, I don't make these rules. I just have to narrate them with increasingly dramatic flair... *stares directly into camera*
  4. 4
    Missed Events
    Skip an event? Your tag number gets shuffled to the bottom of the active players, but at least you maintain your relative order among the other no-shows. *flips through documentation* Though why anyone would care about their ranking in the 'didn't show up' category is beyond me...
  5. 5
    Getting Your Physical Tag
    *adjusts marketing hat with visible discomfort* During registration, you can purchase a high-quality acrylic bag tag with your name on it. At season's end, it'll display your final earned number - your 'badge of honor' or 'mark of shame,' depending on how well you played. They'll deliver it to your local disc golf shop. *straightens marketing materials* Just... just buy one, okay? I have quotas to meet.
  6. 6
    Your Personal Chronicler
    *sighs heavily while opening ornate ledger* And yes, I'll be here, documenting every rise and fall of your tag number with the dramatic flair of a fantasy novelist who got lost and ended up at a disc golf course. Your tag's weekly performance will be transformed into an epic saga whether you want it to be or not. It's... it's just what we do now. *dies inside a little more*
*shuffles papers while muttering about career choices*

There you have it, mortals. Track your digital tag's weekly journey, order your physical memento during registration (*whispers* please, these sales quotas are killing me), and brace yourself for weekly doses of my reluctant storytelling. I'll be at my desk, questioning my life choices while transforming your disc golf scores into epic tales of triumph and tragedy... because somehow that's become my job description.

Lithic Luminary

Origin Story

Born during Professor Bumblethwaite's mountain translocation incident, the first Lithic Luminary emerged when a European geomancy prodigy accidentally fused with the quartzite heart of the displaced Teton range. This symbiosis granted unprecedented ability to commune with Utah's bedrock while revealing how local funeral rituals create magical resonance in sedimentary layers.

Properties

Incorporates compressed sandstone veins that glow with trapped magical energy. Its touch causes temporary crystallization in organic matter, and its voice resonates at frequencies that rearrange mineral structures. Projects holographic topographical maps showing real-time magical ley lines intersecting Utah's ward boundaries, with seismic awareness extending 3 miles deep.

Role

Serves as living calibration instrument for maintaining dimensional stability between the academy and West Jordan, conducting weekly lithomantic surveys along the Wasatch Front to prevent magical backflows that could transform suburban structures into temporal anomalies.

Tag Details

League Twoesday Teton Trials
Pool Tetonic Arcanists

Tag History

Malachi Vazquez
Malachi Vazquez
Week 5 Score: 45 Place: 1
yesterday
Origin Story
2 days ago