Twoesday Teton Trials

Arrival Anxiety

Professor Aurora MontClaire’s Field Notes, Dated July 2, 2025
The morning mist still clings to the Tetons’ eastern slopes when “Arrival Anxiety” beckons us to the venerable 9-hole layout on Tuesday, July 8. Registration opens promptly at 9:00 AM on 7/6/2025—mark your calendars as ritualistically as I chart every ley line between here and the Walmart where Sister Thompson’s levitation charm went haywire during Black Friday. This year’s theme—Twin Peaks Academy of Moderately Dangerous Magic—promises a collision of international wizarding pedagogy with the charming oddities of West Jordan suburban life. Imagine textbooks from Uldåhr Collège du Chaudron on one hand, and local JV ward potluck Jell-O molds on the other. Can you already feel the tension in the air where advanced spell circles rub elbows with the flick of a flip-shot beneath the boulevard’s hot July sun?

Could our young wizards truly master both incantations and Utah’s mystifying customs? I find myself pondering whether the dry, dusty gusts off Redwood Road will warp the projections on your Thunderbird discs, or if the local casserole-graded wards (on par with a perfectly balanced broccoli-cheese bake) will shield us from wayward hyzer bombs. Will the “Soda Springs Shortcut” between Holes 3 and 4 harbor an unforeseen mana nexus, or will it prove no more perilous than the choir practice traffic jam at the intersection of 7800 South? As someone who can identify magical properties by casserole consistency alone, I wager you’ll want to bring extra stabilization charms—and maybe a whisk for emergency saucepot transmutations.

When registration opens, be ready to claim your slot among fellow conjurers who crave both PDGA-legal drives and the thrill of deciphering neighborhood potluck etiquette. Keep your eyes peeled for the next communique, where I’ll reveal the arcane obstacle rumored to arise on Hole 6 (I’ve observed it stirring in my crystalline teacup). Until then, sharpen your fingertips, lay in supplies of fry sauce, and prepare to test your skills in the greatest suburban-sorcery mash-up this side of the Mormon Corridor. The magic awaits—will you rise to the Arrival Anxiety?