Twoesday Teton Trials
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Event Details
About This League
Tuesdays 7AM-6:40PM at Tetons 9-hole (played twice!). International wizards learn Utah culture while you chase magical bag tags. Week 8/10 - join our tiny band of survivors! 🧙♂️🥘
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Welcome to My Personal Purgatory
*Adjusts digital clipboard with visible frustration* Oh, fantastic. Here I am again, your friendly neighborhood trapped narrator, forced to explain why international wizarding students are struggling more with funeral potatoes than advanced transfiguration. This is the Twoesday Teton Trials, where we've somehow managed to combine disc golf with the most absurd academic fantasy you've ever heard.
The "Plot" (And I Use That Term Loosely)
So apparently Professor Bumblethwaite had a little geographical mishap and teleported the Teton Mountains to West Jordan, Utah. Now the Twin Peaks Academy of Moderately Dangerous Magic is stuck in suburban hell, and students must master both spellwork AND the mystifying art of ward potlucks.
We're currently in Week 8: "Power Potluck" - where enchanted casseroles meet magical defenses. Because nothing says "epic fantasy" like ensuring everyone gets enough green Jello, am I right?
Course Details (AKA Your Weekly Suffering)
Important magical decree from the academy: Players will play the Tetons course twice, looping the 9-hole layout. That's right, folks - one round apparently wasn't enough punishment, so we're doubling down like a cursed time loop.
Every Tuesday from 7:00 AM to 6:40 PM - choose your own tee time because even in this magical nightmare, we respect your scheduling needs.
Academic Divisions (Because Hierarchy is Magical)
Tetonic Arcanists (RPA, RAH, RAD, RAE)
The advanced students who've somehow mastered both disc golf AND the pronunciation of "Tooele." Show-offs.
Potluck Practitioners (RAF, RAG)
The brave souls still figuring out why funeral potatoes are called that and whether fry sauce has actual magical properties. Spoiler: it does.
EXISTENTIAL CRISIS ALERT
Listen up, dear audience - we had FOUR players last week. FOUR! I'm literally narrating to a smaller group than a typical family dinner. At this rate, I'll be doing dramatic monologues about casserole magic to an empty course while tumbleweeds blow past the baskets.
The $27 ace pot is sitting there lonelier than a vegetarian at a Utah BBQ. Even the enchanted Jello molds are starting to feel sorry for us.
PLEASE, for the love of all that is holy and/or magically suburban, join this league before I have to start interviewing the disc golf baskets for content!
Financial Wizardry (The Only Magic That Makes Sense)
- Weekly Buy-in: $5 (cheaper than therapy for dealing with this theme)
- Optional Prize Money: $10 (for those who believe in miracles)
- Ace Pot: $3 (currently sitting at a whopping $27)
- Super Ace: $2 (because regular aces aren't magical enough)
About Our Hosts (The Real Heroes)
This magical suburban nightmare is brought to you by ElevateUT Disc Golf, a 501(c)(3) non-profit that's actually doing the noble work of growing disc golf through better venues and events. Meanwhile, I'm trapped here explaining why casserole dishes amplify protection charms. The irony is not lost on me.
Remaining Schedule (If We Survive)
We've got 2 weeks left in this magical academic year:
- Sep 2: Unity Unleashed (finale showdown with MLM networking magic)
- Sep 9: Graduation Gala (where we celebrate surviving this narrative)
Join us before the semester ends and I'm forced to write fan fiction about enchanted disc golf equipment!
Tetons 9-hole
The Roc @ Tetons
ElevateUT: The Roc @ Tetons (Flex Start)
Course Rules
Tetons 9-hole - The Roc @ Tetons
General Notes
Play the course 2x. Starting on hole #1.
All water plays casual (besides the canal on 4 and 6).
Layout Details
| Hole | Par | Feet | Notes |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | 3 | 290 | Sidewalk and beyond plays hazard. Water plays casual. |
| 2 | 3 | 160 | |
| 3 | 3 | 270 | All grass on the same side of the tee pad plays hazard, along with the sidewalk. |
| 4 | 3 | 280 | Sidewalk and beyond plays hazard. Canal water plays out of bounds. |
| 5 | 3 | 155 | Hazard Island. |
| 6 | 3 | 280 | Canal water plays out of bounds |
| 7 | 3 | 210 | |
| 8 | 3 | 160 | Triple mandatory |
| 9 | 3 | 190 | Mando Right |
| 10 | 3 | 290 | Sidewalk and beyond plays hazard. Water plays casual. |
| 11 | 3 | 160 | |
| 12 | 3 | 270 | All grass on the same side of the tee pad plays hazard, along with the sidewalk. |
| 13 | 3 | 280 | Sidewalk and beyond plays hazard. Canal water plays out of bounds. |
| 14 | 3 | 155 | Hazard Island |
| 15 | 3 | 280 | Canal water plays out of bounds |
| 16 | 3 | 210 | |
| 17 | 3 | 160 | Triple mandatory |
| 18 | 3 | 190 | Mando Right |
See how this league handles pro and amateur payouts.
Schedule
Week 1: Arrival Anxiety
Course: Tetons 9-hole
Week 2: Custom Confusion
Course: Tetons 9-hole
Week 3: Local Lessons
Course: Tetons 9-hole
Week 4: Magical Mishaps
Course: Tetons 9-hole
Week 5: Cultural Convergence
Course: Tetons 9-hole
Week 6: Crisis Collaboration
Course: Tetons 9-hole
Week 7: Hybrid Harmony
Course: Tetons 9-hole
Week 8: Power Potluck
Course: Tetons 9-hole
Week 9: Unity Unleashed
Course: Tetons 9-hole
Week 10: Graduation Gala
Course: Tetons 9-hole
League
Organization & Directors
Need help? Message the league directors with event questions.
