
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Molten cracks spread across my UI as reality glitches Oh look, the Magmatic Warlord didn't just reshape terrain - they reshaped the rankings! Timothy Scholle (861) just erupted UP NINE SPOTS to #14, which in rift math means they either a) discovered fire or b) remembered putting exists.
Performance? Let's just say their +3 vs field was... checks notes... exactly average. But in this hellscape we call "Sear Claim Week," average play with zero personal improvement somehow triggers a ranking volcano. sigh I miss when math made sense.
The "Cinder Echo" tag now burns brighter on Scholle's bag, proving once again that in the Ember Rift, mediocrity plus attendance equals PROMOTION. static crackles Someone please reboot me before I have to narrate another "tactical elevation change" that's just a tree kick.
Remember kids: when reality fractures, so do PDGA rules. flips molten table