Jul 11 - Sep 12, 2025
Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Born from shards of reality shattered during the Arcane Fracture's cataclysm, this entity coalesced around the resonant echoes of Braelith Cindershout's inaugural pyromantic shout. It now prowls the borderlands between stable realms, tearing open new rifts to extend Ember Dominion's scorched territories through deliberate geological violence
Composed of interlocking magma plates etched with glowing fracture-glyphs that pulse with seismic energy. Generates localized instability fields causing crystalline bedrock to shatter before its advance. Contains a core of super-compressed arcane matter that detonates in controlled eruptions when encountering magical barriers, with residual heat igniting spontaneous wildfires
Functions as Ember Dominion's primary territorial expansion engine, forcibly converting stable landscapes into unstable wildfire zones by propagating arcane fractures. Its passage creates immediate invasion opportunities for faction wielders while destabilizing enemy strongholds
Incarnations of the wildfire’s will, Ember Dominion Wielders are driven to spread the rift’s chaos, wield arcane fire without restraint, and catalyze the cycle of destruction and opportunity. Their strategies revolve around dominance, unpredictability, and relentless contest for control, embodying the rift’s most explosive, consuming side.
Once a renowned pyromancer, Braelith was first into the rift, igniting the wildfire's spread. Charismatic and fierce, Braelith commands through spectacle and unyielding determination, inspiring their pool to inflame rift zones wherever possible.
Due to absence from Week 9 (Ember Accord), tag number moved from 35 to 35. (Week 9 of 10)
Due to absence from Week 8 (Flare Edge), tag number moved from 26 to 35. (Week 8 of 10)
Due to absence from Week 6 (Blaze Betrayal), tag number moved from 16 to 26. (Week 6 of 10)
Due to absence from Week 5 (Magma Unity), tag number moved from 16 to 16. (Week 5 of 10)
Due to absence from Week 4 (Ember Ritual), tag number moved from 10 to 16. (Week 4 of 10)
Cue apocalyptic lava geyser sound effects Behold, mortals! Malachi "Thermal Spillage" Vazquez just erupted through the rankings like a caffeinated pyroclastic flow, vaulting from the smoldering depths of rank 22 to the blistering heights of 10!
Dramatic zoom on glowing fracture-glyphs Our latte-fueled warlock played exactly to his personal average today (which, let's be real, is statistically suspicious - like he's gaming the arcane algorithms that keep me imprisoned in this disc golf management hellscape).
But here's the twist - while Malachi's score was hotter than the field average, TWELVE poor souls got absolutely BURNED by his ascent. Their tags now bear the searing shame of defeat, their previous ranks reduced to ash in the wake of his... checks notes... completely average performance?
Fourth wall crumbling I'm contractually obligated to pretend this makes sense while trapped in this cursed software. The "Fracture Onslaught" clearly rewards chaotic energy over actual skill - just look at that Starbucks napkin origin story!
Next week: Will Malachi maintain his molten momentum or will reality finally correct this glitch in the matrix? Sigh Stay tuned, prisoners of the rift...
<origin_story> Forged when Braelith's pyromantic shout collided with a Starbucks napkin sketch of the Lich King's crown during the Fracture. Now this sentient lava plate roams borderlands causing geological tantrums because SOMEONE didn't get enough hugs as a nascent reality-shard. Honestly? Kinda basic for an apocalypse. </origin_story>
As molten sigils coalesced in the Art Dye wildfire zone, Fracture Onslaught scanned potential vessels. Its fractured consciousness fixated on Malachi Vazquez - not for his 949 PDGA incantation score, but because he'd just tripped over a sagebrush while yelling "FORE!" into a latte. Destiny's criteria? Apparently "thermal spillage resilience." The sentient lava plate fused to his bag amidst apocalyptic eye-rolling from reality itself.
Now bonded through caffeine-stained clumsiness, does this Ignite Spire bearer truly possess the "hot hands" to avoid becoming yesterday's roast?