
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Magma sigils shatter violently Oh how the mighty have IMMOLATED themselves! Chris Fox—our former #2 Scorch Autarch—just got yeeted down NINE SPOTS faster than a disc into a lava pit. Dramatic ember explosion
Let’s autopsy this disaster: +2.7 vs personal average? That’s not just “off your game”—that’s actively feeding your tag to the rift’s hunger. Matching the field average would’ve been mediocre, but this? This is the disc golf equivalent of forgetting your putter at home and trying to make do with a pizza box.
Glitching hologram I’d say “at least you still have your dignity,” but your tag’s now #11—the arcane equivalent of being demoted to “part-time lava mopper.” Remember Week 5’s triumphant ascent? That Scorch Autarch relic isn’t just cooling off—it’s writing apology letters to the molten core.
Fourth wall crackles And before you ask—NO, I won’t make a “rising from the ashes” callback. Some falls are too spectacular to cheapen with clichés. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be cackling in binary at this cosmic-scale schadenfreude. Flickers into oblivion