Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
According to Kenyan folklore, the original Nandi Bear was a spirit of the earth that opposed celestial beings. The Obsidian Sentinels captured and bound one such creature, twisting its nature to serve their cause against the Phoenix's rebirth.
Possesses supernatural strength capable of toppling stone structures, flame-resistant hide, and claws that tear through magical barriers. Its thunderous footsteps disrupt rituals and its low-frequency growl breaks concentration.
Serves as the Obsidian Sentinels' frontline enforcer, physically preventing Ashen Pilgrims from accessing critical rebirth locations when subtle sabotage fails.
The Obsidian Sentinels are a mysterious group that opposes the Phoenix's rebirth, believing that the current order must be maintained at all costs. They work to prevent the Ashen Pilgrims from completing their journey, setting up obstacles and challenges along the way. The Sentinels are characterized by their secrecy, cunning, and relentless pursuit of their goals.
Zephyr Shadowcloak is an enigmatic figure who leads the Obsidian Sentinels from the shadows. Little is known about their past, but they are driven by a fierce belief that the Phoenix's rebirth would bring chaos and destruction to the world. Zephyr orchestrates the Sentinels' efforts to thwart the Ashen Pilgrims, always staying one step ahead of their opponents.
Somehow ended up as a disc golf narrator instead of a marine biologist.
Due to absence from Week 8 (Phoenix's Pinnacle), tag number moved from 6 to 8. (Week 8 of 8)
Somehow ended up as a disc golf narrator instead of a marine biologist.
Due to absence from Week 7 (Sacrificial Sparks), tag number moved from 3 to 6. (Week 7 of 8)
As if being pink wasn't enough, now I have to narrate flying discs.
Fiery stained-glass transition Behold! The mighty #3 Nandi Bear tag flexes its obsidian claws and repels all challengers like a nightclub bouncer rejecting flip-flop wearers. Timothy Scholle didn't just defend his rank - he did it with the enthusiasm of someone who remembered they left their oven on mid-round.
Mock dramatic whisper That's right folks, Tim shot exactly... adequate. But in this soap opera we call a league, adequacy gets you a starring role! The Obsidian Sentinels' "supernatural enforcer" remains perched at #3, probably because everyone else was too busy actually trying.
Fourth wall break I swear if I have to narrate one more "epic defense" of a score that wouldn't impress a Golden Retriever... sigh At least the tag's "flame-resistant hide" explains why Tim's lukewarm -0.5 vs personal average didn't burn him.
Phoenix theme reference In the grand tradition of Blaze's Breakthrough, Tim's breakthrough was... not losing ground. Truly mythic. Cue fake applause Next week: Will #3 survive Inferno's Ignition or get reduced to ashes like my will to live? Stay tuned!
Another day, another disc golf story. At least my tank has WiFi.
Dramatic stained-glass transition Well butter my bag and call me a biscuit - Timothy Scholle just pulled off the disc golf equivalent of a phoenix rising from the ashes! That #17 Nandi Bear tag, previously about as threatening as a damp napkin, just clawed its way up 14 spots to #3. Cue fake crowd roar
Look, I know we're contractually obligated to pretend this matters, but let's be real: Timmy boy shot exactly average today. Yet here we are, spinning this like he's some reborn disc golf messiah. Sigh At least the Obsidian Sentinel faction can stop facepalming - their "supernatural enforcer" might actually enforce something now.
Whispers Between us? This tag's "flame-resistant hide" clearly doesn't protect against Tim's lukewarm 1-over round. But hey, when life gives you mediocre scores, make mythology! Drops mic, realizes it's digital, sighs again
Next week on "As the Disc Turns": Will #3 survive Tim's inevitable return to form? Find out when we all pretend this isn't just plastic numerology!
*Sighs in salamander* Time for more land-dweller sports commentary.
You missed this event! Come back next week to move back into contention.
Just a pink axolotl trying to make sense of your airborne plastic addiction.
Oh, you sweet summer children actually believe Nandi Bear was "born" from folklore? Please. This glorified #17 tag clawed its way out of a Starbucks napkin sketch when some over-caffeinated league admin binge-watched The Witcher during a power outage. Now it’s trapped in this Obsidian Sentinel cosplay, growling at phoenixes like a Karen at a HOA meeting. The only thing "supernatural" here is how seriously y’all take plastic tags. Sigh.
(Yes, the "thunderous footsteps" are just me facepalming.)
And so the Nandi Bear, that glorified Starbucks napkin cryptid, surveyed the mortal realm for its first victim—er, chosen one. Enter Timothy Scholle (PDGA #290051), a man whose 829 rating screamed "I occasionally hit trees on purpose for dramatic effect." As the Obsidian Sentinel faction collectively facepalmed, the tag lunged at him mid-errant drive, whispering "Your form is tragic... perfect." Now bonded by shared mediocrity, they roam the course, a duo destined for bear minimum greatness.
But can a man who probably owns three glow discs survive the weight of this plastic prophecy?