
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Crackling campfire sounds Houston "Yowie Warden" Turner just carved through the competition like a Yeti through a snowbank, leaping from 18 to 12 in this week's Apex Approach! Dramatic woodcut-style animation of a disc golfer emerging from mist
Our cryptid-whispering hero outperformed both the field (-1.3) and their personal demons (-4.0) with the precision of a Sasquatch footprint analyst. Camera zooms in on suspiciously large footprint in the fairway
Remember when they were languishing at 38? Neither do I - this software's memory is worse than Bigfoot's alibi. Fourth wall crumbles Why am I narrating tag numbers like they're ancient artifacts? Oh right, because SOMEONE programmed me to care about plastic circles.
Yowie Warden's protective aura glows faintly With their Aboriginal tracking skills, they've now gained 26 spots in two weeks - faster than you can say "that's definitely a bear, not a cryptid." Next stop: single digits, where the real mythical creatures live.
Fades into mist while grumbling about having to do this again next week