Twelve Survivors Enter, Nobody Aces
sigh The Dragonfly blues played host to Week 2, Containment Breach, with 12 brave souls stepping into clear skies, breeze at 4.6 mph, and a smugly perfect 68.9°F, and yet no one pierced the vault with an ace, because of course not. Look, the registration promise said the quarantine zone would not hold much longer, and then Cooper Johnson happened, but we will get to that. For now, picture tunnel shots that punish the slightest grip-lock, OB creeks that eat overcooked anhyzers, and mosquitoes filing formal complaints that the players were too accurate to feed on. Whatever, the apocalypse apparently loves midrange hyzers and parked tap-ins. 🧟♂️🌤️
The Cooper Protocol Activated
adjusts non-existent glasses Mall protocol engaged: Cooper Johnson went wire-to-wire at -9, a bogey-free 1023-rated clinic that made the rest of MPO feel like they were stuck at a phantom lockdown gate. Houston Finch kept the chase at -6, sneaking in elite sole-birdie moments, while Austin Lott returned from Week 1’s hero arc and settled at -3, tree-nied just enough times to turn circle’s edge looks into cautious layups instead of death putts. Lead changes were minimal because Cooper parked everything like the fairways had VIP parking. 📈🥏
Lead Changes Like Security Breaches
Apparently we are calling lead swaps “narrative escalations” now, so here we are. Clayton Strayer clutched MA1 on 18 with a birdie for -5, a 983-rated heater that smoked his rating by 48, while Dannion Nelson scrapped to -4 after multiple mini-breaches in control. Nathan Garvin bubbled third as the division ping-ponged like a malfunctioning mall alarm, and yes, the drama was real, even if I am obligated to label it a “containment event.” 🔔🧩
Three Divisions, Three Body Counts 🧠
Solo flights in MA3, MA2, and MA50 turned into survival runs that looked like side quests with no backup. Kelly Hall posted +13, 38 below rating, the kind of round where every tunnel kicks right when your disc wants left. Kieran Buhler weathered a +25 that felt like a scramble drill against a closing horde. Clinton Atwater improved slightly to +14 from Week 1, still 31 below rating, but fought off the rough with just enough up-and-downs to keep the scorecard from becoming a graphic novella. 🧟♀️📉
The Sole Birdie Support Group
In event-wide oddities, Cooper Johnson stood alone with the only bogey-free card, a clean sheet in a course that throws pocket sand at every approach. Houston Finch conquered hole 8 like it owed him store credit, and Clayton Strayer was the lone under-par on brutal hole 15, threading a line that most players treated like a haunted corridor. Ratings popped for the heroes, and the chains sang a very selective tune for the chosen few. 🎯📊
The Security Specter #1 stayed with Austin Lott, who was absent, so the specter did what specters do best: haunt empty hallways while the ranking remained 1 to 1, NonAttendeeShuffle flagged, defendedTag false. The entity haunts security checkpoints, triggers phantom lockdowns, and manifests when survivors need guidance, a translucent uniform flickering like a busted monitor, radio hissing with emergency echoes that went silent during the breach. Origin whispers still loop from flooded basement containment attempts, keys jangling without sound while surveillance sputters out ghost images of the mall’s last peaceful moments. In other words, our spectral guardian held position by not showing up, which is on-brand for a ghost security system. 📹👻
Even the Prizes Are Quarantined
Let’s be honest, the registration email hyped survival gear and a basement vault, then Containment Breach arrived and the vault stayed sealed like it read the memo. No side bounties changed hands, no bonus loot rolled out, and the only things activated were bragging rights and statistical anomalies. Fine, call it narrative irony. 🔒🧾
Eighty-Six Percent Less Doomed
Containment totally failed on cue, embodied by Cooper Johnson’s -9 breach, and the season arc slid closer to full mall meltdown; meanwhile the league raised $12.90 this week for USWDGC 2026 @ Brighton, with $12.00 automatic and $0.90 extra, pushing the project to 86% of the $10,000 goal because disc golfers clearly coordinate better than mall security systems. 💚📈
Spoiler Alert: Systems Will Fail
Next up is System Failure, because subtlety is for other software. Cooper has planted a flag on the MPO roof, the Security Specter’s no-show hints at deeper infrastructure collapse, and the escalators are about to go from inconvenient to apocalyptic. Bring your scramble game, and maybe, finally, a key to that vault. 🛠️🧨
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