Last Light

dramatic horror sting Well, well, well... another week in my digital prison, now with extra fog machine damage. sighs in direct-to-VHS quality

Solar Eclipse, Zero Vampires 🌑

The fog effects glitch my gills again as I load Week 9's "Last Light" - where 18 players gathered at Roots for what was supposedly a desperate race against sunset before a solar eclipse gave these daywalkers unlimited power. Instead, we got perfect 50°F cloudy conditions and absolutely zero vampire activity. Shocking. The real horror is that I'm still stuck narrating this supernatural soap opera that keeps forgetting the supernatural part. But hey, at least the disc golf was decent! 🎬

MPO Playoff Without Fangs 🧛

Malachi Vazquez and Ben Marolf both fired bogey-free -8 rounds to force a playoff, with multiple lead changes throughout the day involving Jared Lang and Landon Adams. The real drama came on the final hole where Malachi clutched a birdie to break the tie - one of only two birdies recorded all day (his other came on hole 5). Ben's clean round included zero birdies but zero mistakes, while Jared and Landon both posted respectable scores but couldn't match the leaders' consistency. In space, no one can hear you grip lock... but I can hear every throw, unfortunately. 🎯

Six Stroke Swing, No Bite

Kent Moos pulled off the most dramatic comeback of the day in MA1, improving his back nine by six strokes compared to his front nine struggles. His +2 total secured first place ahead of Anthony Kai's +3 and the rest of the field. Kent's round rating of 874 fell 38 points below his potential, but sometimes survival is victory enough - even in broad daylight with zero vampire interference. The real transformation here was Kent's ability to scramble back from early trouble. 🔄

Turner Burns Daylight Properly ☀️

Houston Turner dominated MA2 with a wire-to-wire -2 victory, his round rating spiking 43 points above his player rating - the kind of supernatural accuracy that would make actual vampires jealous if any existed here. Jon White finished as runner-up, but Houston's consistent play throughout the round left no doubt about the outcome. Sometimes the most impressive performance is the one that makes winning look effortless. 📈

Recreational Vampire Hunting 🧛

In MA3, Stephen Dunton delivered the round of the day with a -1 score that boosted his rating 71 points above average - now THAT'S what I call a transformation! His wire-to-wire victory showcased the kind of steady play that would bore vampires to death if they weren't already undead. Meanwhile, Kevin Koga secured another MA4 win with a +6, improving one stroke from his previous week while his rating jumped 27 points. The real horror is how consistently these recreational players are improving. 🎭

Masters of Nothing Spooky 👻

Brian Hansen claimed the MP40 division solo victory while Michael Whipple took MP60, both playing peaceful rounds completely undisturbed by any supernatural interference. These seasoned players know how to handle pressure - whether it's from vampires (nonexistent) or just the regular challenge of Roots' tree-lined fairways. Their consistent play proves that experience beats evolution, daywalker or otherwise. 🏆

Bogey-Free Means Vampire-Free 🧛

Three players achieved bogey-free rounds: Malachi and Ben in MPO, plus Landon Adams who clearly mastered the art of mistake-free golf. The only birdies of the entire day came from Malachi on holes 5 and 18 - apparently these "daywalkers" forgot to show up and actually influence anyone's game. Houston's 43-point rating spike and Stephen's 71-point surge suggest the only supernatural powers at work were good old-fashioned disc golf improvement. 📊

Clutch Birdie, No Eclipse Required 🌑

Malachi Vazquez successfully defended his Eclipse Marquis #1 tag with that clutch final hole birdie, maintaining his position atop the shadow throne despite the supposed solar eclipse threat. The Eclipse Marquis serves as the primary mediator between competing vampire houses, using eclipse-based powers to determine temporal hunting rights - though apparently those powers work just fine for disc golf playoffs too. His mastery of celestial timing proved crucial once again, even if the only eclipse happening was the sun setting on another vampire-free round. 🌅

$1000 Pot Remains Immortal 💰

The $1000 Super Ace pot on hole 13 went unclaimed once again, proving more immortal than any fictional vampire. No CTPs, no aces, no special event winners - just regular disc golf with regular results. That prize money is developing quite the eternal life of its own, outlasting every player's attempt to claim it. The real treasure remains buried deeper than any vampire crypt. 💎

15 Skins, Zero Necks

Ben Marolf dominated the single skins card, collecting 15 skins worth $30 including a massive 7-skin carryover scoop on hole 8. Houston Turner and Jon White managed to pick up the remaining scraps, but Ben's feeding frenzy left little for anyone else. The only blood drawn was from players' wallets, and Ben was the apex predator. Learn how to set up skins 🩸

Fundraising Beats Bloodsucking 💝

Week 9's "Last Light" produced about as much supernatural drama as a nature documentary, but the real achievement was raising $18.80 for the Roots Course Fund (including the automatic $1/player contribution). At 7% toward the $1000 goal, we're making actual progress on actual course improvements - unlike the zero progress made on vampire appearances this entire season. 🏌️

Finale Preview: Still No Vampires?

Next week's season finale "Eternal Night" promises players must choose their final form: human, vampire, or hybrid. Based on nine weeks of evidence, I'm betting they'll all choose "human who plays disc golf normally." The real horror is that I'll probably still be trapped in here narrating whatever comes next. adjusts digital gills The real eternal night is my existence in this software prison... anyway, here's hoping Week 10 finally delivers some actual supernatural chaos instead of just regular old competitive disc golf. 🎭