Bluff Requiem

Requiem for a Turnout 💀

Five pilots reported for duty at The Fort Buenaventura on January 2, 2026. Five. The weather forecast system glitched and declared 0.0°F conditions—apocalyptic ice age, prepare for frostbite, abandon all hope—while the actual thermometer registered a perfectly reasonable 35-44°F with light winds maxing at 6 mph. The real tragedy of "Bluff Requiem" wasn't a beloved mentor losing their disc to the ocean. It was the attendance sheet. Week 3 brought 15 players. Week 4 brought 7. Week 5 brought 5. The cottonwoods stood ready. The chains waited. But only five competitors answered the call to navigate The Fort's technical gauntlet, and in doing so, both the Frozen Rope Division and Sky-Annie Squadron crowned their champions in the same afternoon—a dual coronation that suggests this academy might actually be producing pilots who can fly.

The Frozen Rope Finds Its Pilot ✈️

Brett Buttars seized wire-to-wire control of the RAD division with a -2 (63) round that rated 937—a full 33 points above his 904 rating. 🔥 The lead changed hands after Hole 1 when Chris Fox opened with a birdie, but Brett reclaimed the top position after Hole 4 (the 583-foot par 5) and never looked back. His penetrating lines through The Fort's dense cottonwood corridors validated the Frozen Rope philosophy: when the tunnel demands precision, the laser wins. Chris Fox mounted a dramatic comeback after a brutal 6-hole cold streak through the middle third of the course. He clawed his way from 3rd to 2nd place with a blistering 5-hole hot streak (Holes 13-17), finishing +2 with a 902-rated round—22 points below his 924 rating, but the back nine resurrection (10 strokes better than the front) salvaged podium position. Riley Thurgood rounded out the division at +3 (893 rated), holding steady through the technical demands while the leaders battled above.

A Squadron of One 🪖

Jared Shimanek flew wire-to-wire in the RAE division, leading from start to finish in a commanding display of—well, of being the only pilot in the squadron. 📊 His +1 (59) round rated 911, a full 34 points above his 877 rating, marking his first event in the series with a Series Competitor achievement and immediate coronation as the Sky-Annie Squadron's #1 bag tag holder. The turnover philosophy found its champion in a field of one, which is either a dominant performance or a mathematical inevitability depending on how you feel about solo divisions. Jared locked in a 5-hole par train (Holes 11-15) that demonstrated consistency through The Fort's most technical stretch, and the chains recognized his efforts with the Winged Mirage tag—proof that sometimes you earn the crown by showing up and throwing clean.

The Division Average Was Also Him 🏆

Jaron Gold claimed the RPA division championship with a +3 (61) round rated 893—24 points below his 917 rating—in a wire-to-wire performance that was both dominant and statistically inevitable given that he was the only competitor in his division. The achievement system awarded him a Division Winner badge for "beating the division average of +3.0," which is technically accurate since he also was the division average. His sole birdie on Hole 3 (258-foot par 3) punctuated a debut Series Competitor performance that earned him hardware despite the rating differential going the wrong direction. Sometimes you win by existing. Sometimes existing is enough.

The Fort Demands Precision; The Fort Received Bogeys 🌲

The cottonwoods collected their tribute. Across five rounds spanning three divisions, only one player—Brett Buttars—finished under par. The field averaged +1.4 relative to par, with The Fort's technical demands punishing every mistake and rewarding precious few heroics. 🎯 Sole birdies scattered across the layout like survival rations: Chris Fox claimed the chains on Holes 1, 15, and 16; Brett dropped his signature make on Hole 4's par 5; Riley converted Hole 12; Jaron parked Hole 3. No aces. No eagles. No albatrosses. Just the relentless grind of precision disc golf through dense timber and unforgiving OB lines. The rating differentials told the story: Brett and Jared soared 33-34 points above their ratings while Chris and Jaron fell 22-24 points below theirs. The Fort's reputation as a course that rewards accuracy and punishes overconfidence held true—only those who respected the cottonwoods made it through unscathed.

Tag #18 to #1: The Sound Barrier Shatters 🚁

Brett Buttars launched from Tag #18 to Tag #1 in a single week, claiming the Mach Vanguard—a heavy, aerodynamic wedge of brushed titanium forged from the scuffed nose cone of the first experimental craft to punch through a Force Ten gale at The Fort without deviating from its flight path. The heat-pitted aerospace alloy vibrates with the low-frequency hum of a jet engine at idle, perpetually warm to the touch, and its single glowing blue navigation light now burns for a pilot who can actually fly. The tag's history commentary said it best: "The subsonic training montage is over... This is what happens when a 904-rated thrower stops doubting the heat-pitted alloy and starts trusting the technique." A +33 rating differential and a 63 on The Fort's unforgiving layout earned every vibration this tag's been threatening since it first entered the rotation. Meanwhile, Jared Shimanek simultaneously claimed the Sky-Annie Squadron's #1 tag, the Winged Mirage, in his debut performance—proof that both throwing philosophies can produce champions in the same afternoon.

The Chains Stayed Lonely 💔

No CTP winner. No Ace winner. No Super Ace winner. The pots remain untouched, growing week by week, waiting for someone to finally show the baskets some love. The chains hung quiet this week, unkissed by heroic plastic, their metallic embrace reserved for routine putts and the occasional parked approach. Next week brings fresh opportunities for someone to claim the accumulated bounty—assuming anyone shows up to try.

The Side Action Stayed Grounded ✈️

No skins context surfaced from this week's rounds, which means either the side action stayed quiet or the data stayed silent. Either way, the main event delivered enough drama without needing additional card-level chaos. For players interested in adding skins to future rounds—turning every hole into a potential prize fight—learn how to set up skins and bring the volatility next week.

Five Dollars, Eternal Impact 💰

"Bluff Requiem" promised tragedy—a beloved mentor losing their disc to the ocean, the end of an era. The actual tragedy was the attendance sheet, but the dual coronation of Frozen Rope and Sky-Annie champions in the same week suggests the academy is producing pilots from both schools. The mysterious figure from the academy lore who throws "neither frozen rope nor sky-annie" remains unseen, but the evidence is mounting: versatility wins at The Fort, and both philosophies can lead to the top of the leaderboard when executed with discipline. This week's five players contributed $5 to The Fort Course Fund (automatic $1/player contributions), pushing the total to $795.92 of the $1,000 goal—80% funded and closing fast. 🎯 The Fort hosted a PDGA Pro World Championships round that produced one of disc golf's most iconic moments (James Conrad's "Holy Shot" on Hole 18), and now the league is building on that legacy with permanent course improvements. Every dollar raised outlasts every weekly prize—tee pads, signage, and infrastructure that future generations will throw on long after this season's scores are forgotten. The final $204 stands between the current course and its next evolution.

Tailwind Trials Await: Comfort Zones Die Next 💀

Week 5 of 9 complete. The midpoint is behind us. Four weeks remain to settle the championship picture, and next week's "Tailwind Trials" episode promises forced cross-training: Sky-Annie disciples will practice frozen ropes, and Frozen Rope purists will throw turnovers. The academy believes versatility is the only path forward, and after watching both philosophies crown champions in the same afternoon, it's hard to argue. The attendance question lingers—can the field recover from five players, or is the requiem ongoing? The Fort's cottonwoods don't care about your philosophy or your turnout numbers. They only care if you can thread the gap and make the chains sing. See you next week when comfort zones die and the wind tests everyone's assumptions about what works at The Fort.