Farmboy's Farewell

Twenty-Two Fools Left Comfort Behind

Week 2 of The Princess Glide @ Creekside brought us "Farmboy's Farewell," where twenty-two brave souls ventured deeper into the enchanted woods despite dire forecasts of 39°F despair. The weather gods laughed at our meteorological fears—temperatures averaged a downright balmy 43.7°F (range 42-47.6°F) with gentle 3.8 mph winds under cloudy skies. But while Mother Nature showed mercy, the competition did not. Malachi Vazquez answered Westley's call with a 1065-rated, bogey-free -16 masterpiece that seized the #1 Revenge Captain tag from Nicholas Jennings faster than you could say "inconceivable." 🏴‍☠️

The Dread Pirate Chose Violence Today 🏴‍☠️☠️

Malachi Vazquez didn't just leave his simple life behind—he torched it and salted the earth. His -16 rampage featured a 13-hole hot streak from holes 3-15, zero bogeys, and a 107-point rating explosion that left the RPA division wondering what they'd witnessed. Taking solo lead on hole 5, Malachi never looked back, posting a wire-to-wire demolition that made the Dread Pirate Roberts proud. Ben Marolf surged from last week's 5th place (-2) to claim 2nd with his own bogey-free -12, finishing hot with 5 birdies from 14-18. Meanwhile, Brian Hansen's defending champion crown rolled straight into the creek—last week's -8 winner managed only -4 for 8th place after leading through hole 5. The throne room had new management. 🔥

Bogey on Five: Where Leads Go to Die

RAD's drama unfolded like a five-act tragedy, with Nicholas Jennings ultimately claiming the division at -10 (983-rated, 85 points above his rating). But the real story was hole 5's carnage—both Chris Fox and early leaders took bogeys there and watched their crowns slip away. Chris Fox rebounded for a personal-best -6 tie with Eric Pearson, whose bogey-free round somehow only earned 4th place. The lead changed hands more often than a hot potato: five-way tie after hole 1, Fox on 4, Pearson on 5, then Jennings seized it on 7 and held through 18. Marvin Atene's Week 1 dominance (-9, 2nd place) became this week's nightmare—a -127 rating swing to -1 and 13th place. 📉

Last Week's King Met This Week's Guillotine

Brodie Duncan dominated RAE with wire-to-wire -8 authority, collecting sole birdies on holes 1, 4, 5, 7, and 12 like a man possessed. But the real drama was Brian Bowling's spectacular fall from grace—last week's RAE champion (+1, 852-rated) became this week's cautionary tale (+8, 734-rated, 100 points below rating). His front nine blazed, then the back nine became a house of horrors. Michael Whipple and Peter Haws tied for 2nd at -3, with Whipple catching fire on the back nine (5 strokes better than his front) while Haws claimed the sole birdie on hole 3. The crown is heavy, and sometimes it crushes you. 👑

Par Trains and Cold Streaks in the Outer Kingdoms

In RAG, Samuel Smith (+4, 789-rated) claimed victory with a 39-point rating boost, taking the lead on hole 7 before his back nine faltered. William Fetzer led through hole 8 before a cold streak derailed his quest, finishing +10 despite a heroic birdie recovery on hole 10 after a double on 9. Kevin Koga flew solo in RAF, posting +1 (831-rated) with a signature 5-hole par train from 14-18 and the division's only birdie on hole 9. Craig Bennett earned RAH's lonely throne with a personal-best -4 (900-rated), a 48-point improvement from last week's +1 struggle. The outer kingdoms proved that sometimes your only enemy is yourself. 🚂

Seven Personal Bests and One Existential Crisis

Three bogey-free rounds graced Creekside's fairways: Eric Pearson, Malachi Vazquez, and Ben Marolf navigated 18 holes without a single stumble, with Malachi's attached to that 1065-rated masterpiece. Seven personal bests emerged from the chaos—Chris Fox, Craig Bennett, Malachi Vazquez, Houston Turner, Chris Norman, Ben Marolf, and Casey Turner all found new peaks. But for every hero, a villain: Brian Bowling's -100 rating disaster led the casualties, followed by William Fetzer (-74), while Chris Norman (-55), Kent Moos (-54), and Marvin Atene (-54) learned that Creekside gives and takes in equal measure. Brodie Duncan's five sole birdies proved that sometimes domination looks effortless. 📈

One Week, One Throne, One Mutiny 🏴‍☠️☠️

The Revenge Captain has a new face behind the black mask. Malachi Vazquez seized the #1 tag from Nicholas Jennings with the calculated precision of a pirate lord who's learned that reputation can be more powerful than force. Rising from tag #5 to #1, Malachi embodied the tag's essence perfectly—the strategic mind of one who wears masks to survive, building legends that fight before the first blow is struck. His 1065-rated performance was exactly the kind of devastating attack that appears vulnerable only to become invincible. The tag's shifting shadows and weathered leathers have found a worthy bearer, one who understands that the most direct path requires the most circuitous approach. ⚔️

The Treasure Remains Buried

The Princess Glide stays hidden, and so do the riches. The $135.44 Ace Pot remains untouched, growing more tantalizing by the week, while the $731.00 Super Ace on hole 14 continues its vigil by the creek. No heroes emerged to claim the metal, leaving over $866 in combined treasure for future adventurers. The creek-side guardian stands vigilant, protecting its gold until someone proves worthy of the Princess Glide's blessing. The quest for instant glory continues. 💰

The Plunder Report: Who Got Paid

Four cards, seventeen players, and $261.00 changed pockets across the realm. Malachi Vazquez led the financial conquest with 17 skins worth $68.00 on the 9:00 AM card, opening his assault on hole 5 and closing it on hole 17 after 16 birdies of pure dominance. Nicholas Jennings claimed 11 skins for $55.00 on the 11:00 AM card, seizing control on hole 11 after a 5-hole push. Houston Turner broke a massive 7-skin carryover on hole 8, scooping $17.50 in one decisive throw. The cards told tales of triumph and heartbreak—some players got rich, others got shut out. Learn how to set up skins and join next week's plunder. 💸

Vizzini's Scouts Saw Everything

The enchanted woods witnessed a true farmboy's farewell as Malachi Vazquez embodied Westley's transformation perfectly—leaving behind his simple third-place life to claim the Revenge Captain's throne with pirate-like ruthlessness. Vizzini's scouts have reported back to Humperdinck: the quest has a dangerous new leader who understands that true power lies not in the ship's cannons but in the reputation that precedes it. The automatic $1 per player ($22.00) plus $2.85 in additional contributions brought $24.85 to the Creekside Course Fund, pushing the total to $1,130.16—100% of the $1,000 goal achieved, with recent stake line improvements between holes 7/8 already completed. 🏰

Next Week: The Eels Are Hungry

After two chapters, Malachi Vazquez commands the #1 tag while Nicholas Jennings dropped to 3rd in RAD and Brodie Duncan emerged as RAE's new king. The leaderboard proves as volatile as Florin's political landscape. Week 3 brings "Creek Crossing"—the first major obstacle where Creekside's infamous water hazards await. Legend says the creek harbors Shrieking Eels that devour shanked discs, and players must face their fears while testing their accuracy. The Princess Glide remains hidden, the ace pots grow fatter ($866+ combined), and seven weeks remain in this aerodynamic fairy tale. As you wish... to survive the crossing. 🐉