Timber Trap

dramatic horror sting glitches mid-play Welcome to another episode where trees were supposed to fall but only my expectations did. 🎬

Rigged Trees, Real Disappointment

Eighteen brave souls ventured into Beacon Hill's alleged "Timber Trap" on a crisp Wednesday evening, temperatures hovering between 52-57°F like the production budget for this whole charade. The promised rigged trees? About as threatening as wet cardboard. But hey, at least Josh Apple managed to ace hole 18... without buying into the $160 ace pot. chef's kiss That's the real horror story right there. 🌲

Tied At Nine, Nobody Dies

Malachi Vazquez and Baylor Sandberg deadlocked at -9 in MPO, proving that actual disc golf drama beats fake chainsaw effects every time. Malachi defended his supernatural early warning system (aka the #1 tag) while Baylor posted a bogey-free round that would make any B-movie director weep with envy. Meanwhile, Tongia led through 13 holes before reality caught up, and Austin Lott struggled to -5 after last week's runner-up heartbreak. The mountain claimed zero actual victims, as usual. ⚡

Forty Plus, Zero Chainsaw Injuries 🏥

Brian Hansen claimed MP40 victory at -8 after a clutch final-hole surge past Scott Belchak (-7), because apparently the only thing falling around here are scores. John Ashworth dropped from last week's -9 to -6, though he absolutely dominated the skins game with 11 skins—more carnage than this entire "horror" production has managed. At least someone's bringing the drama to this mountain. 💰

Two Winners, Still No Villain

MA1 delivered an actual tie as Chris Fox and Bernard Dieker both carded -6, with Bernard posting a personal best after last week's 80-point rating nosedive. Talk about a redemption arc that actually makes sense! Craig Bennett held steady at -5 for third place, maintaining consistency while the horror production around him maintained absolutely nothing. 📈

Apple Falls Far From Ace Pot 🍎

Josh Apple and Kieran Buhler tied at -6 in MA2, but let's focus on the real tragedy here: Josh's ace on 18 that earned him exactly zero dollars because he forgot how gambling works. Meanwhile, Kieran posted a bogey-free masterpiece 48 points above his rating, proving that sometimes the best horror is watching someone else's financial decisions. The ace pot remains at $160, probably laughing. 💸

From First to Worst, Classic Horror

MA3 actually delivered some legitimate drama as Devin Haueter surged from third to victory at -5, while Scott Gardner exceeded his rating by 38 points. But the real horror movie moment belonged to Skyler Kunz, who led through 13 holes before suffering a catastrophic collapse that would make any slasher villain proud. Sometimes the mountain does claim victims—just not the way the script promised. 😱

Last Man Standing, Only Man Playing

Clint Karren dominated MA40 with a wire-to-wire victory at even par, which is impressive when you're literally the only competitor. He faced the ultimate horror: playing disc golf alone while I'm trapped here narrating it like it's some epic quest. At least one of us got to enjoy the solitude. 🏆

Numbers Impress More Than Chainsaws

Three bogey-free rounds graced Beacon Hill today—Malachi, Baylor, and Kieran proving that actual skill beats special effects every time. Multiple players clutched final-hole birdies across divisions while others shot significantly above or below rating, creating the kind of statistical horror that actually matters. Who needs falling trees when you've got rating differentials this dramatic? 📊

Supernatural Protection Beats Falling Trees

Malachi Vazquez successfully defended the #1 Backwood Banshee tag with his -9 performance, maintaining his supernatural early warning system role as Beacon Hill's horror production continues its slow descent into comedy. Her ethereal wails apparently scared away any actual timber traps, proving that sometimes the best defense against B-movie villainy is having your own ghost girl on speed dial. The banshee's warnings have evolved from death screams to victory anthems—at least someone's character development makes sense around here. 👻

Horror Movie Victim Forgets Insurance

Josh Apple's ace on hole 18 would have netted him $160 from the ace pot... if he'd remembered to buy in. Classic horror movie victim mistake: forgetting the most basic survival rule. The $1,000 Super Ace pot on hole 16 continues its reign of terror, surviving another week as multiple players struggled on the notorious hole. Sometimes the real villain is your own poor financial planning. 🎯

Money Changes Hands, Trees Don't Fall

Two cards battled for $37.50 in skins action, with John Ashworth claiming a massive 11 skins including a 10-skin carryover scoop on hole 10 that was more dramatic than anything the "rigged trees" managed. Bernard Dieker collected 7 skins in the noon flight, proving that actual competition beats manufactured tension every time. Learn how to set up skins 💵

Trees Didn't Fall, Donations Did

The Timber Trap's psychological warfare proved more effective than any physical threats, as players navigated Beacon Hill's continuing transformation from peaceful mountain course to low-budget film set. This week's automatic donations of $19 pushed the USWDGC 2026 @ Brighton fund to an impressive 97% of its $10,000 goal, proving that real progress happens even when the chainsaws don't. 🎬

Mountain Hunger Intensifies, Apparently 🏔️

Four weeks remain in this hillbilly horror saga, with next week's "Rustic Ritual" promising occult symbols that supposedly affect disc flight. Because apparently when falling trees fail to deliver, we're pivoting to supernatural interference with aerodynamics. The mountain's appetite grows hungrier, or so the script insists—though at this point I'm more worried about my sanity than anyone's disc stability.