Officials Prowl

Thermometers Lie, Hoodies Don't 🏔️

Week 5 of "Every Tree" at Creekside Park delivered exactly what the surveillance state ordered: twelve players, anomalous weather readings that suggest government meteorologists have stopped trying (0.0°F reported, actual temps around 48.6°F—science is hard when you're tracking aliens), and a 987-rated performance that launched Ben Marolf from bag tag #25 straight to #1 with the Cinnabar Cipher pulsing at his back. No aces to trigger electromagnetic signatures, but nine players carved their names into the inaugural Reel Lines Series layout records. The community's protective formation held. The vans kept watching. The cedars kept counting.

Hole Thirteen: Transmission Complete

The RPA division opened with a four-way tie after hole 1—Ben Marolf, Casey Turner, Fernando Cortez, and Malachi Vazquez all knotted at -1. Malachi dropped out after taking bogey on hole 2, a cosmic recalibration that would define his evening. Fernando seized the lead after hole 5, riding clean disc golf through the front nine. Then hole 13 happened: Ben threw, the transmission locked in, and he never looked back. His final line read -11 with a 987 round rating—37 points over his 950 baseline and absolutely bogey-free. Fernando's -9 (959-rated, +28 over his 931 rating) was also pristine—zero bogeys, pure execution, a personal best that would've won most weeks. Casey Turner and Brian Hansen tied for third at -8, both throwing bogey-free cards that suggested the trees had taken the night off. They hadn't. They were just being selective. 🎯

From Course Record to Course Correction

Malachi Vazquez walked into Week 5 carrying the weight of last week's -10 bogey-free course record (975-rated, 14 points over rating). The cosmic calculation whispered by his Moonlit Ascent tag apparently had a recalibration clause. This week: -6 (916-rated, -45 from his 961 rating), a 59-point rating drop and 4-stroke regression that felt like the cedars collecting interest on a loan. Casey Turner, meanwhile, climbed from Week 4's -4 third-place finish to -8 and a personal best—a 55-point rating improvement that suggests the disc golf gods have decided Casey has suffered enough. Brian Hansen maintained his steady ascent: Week 4's -7 became this week's -8, a 13-point rating bump that proves consistency is its own form of rebellion. Houston Turner came out blazing on the front nine (6 strokes better than his back nine) before the cedars collected their toll—his -2 (860-rated, -33 from rating) was a 30-point drop from last week's -4. The front nine giveth, the back nine taketh away. 📊

He's Not Missing—He's Navigating

Nathan Bohman has been saying it for weeks: "He's not missing—he's navigating." This week, Nathan proved his own cosmic awareness with a wire-to-wire -8 that crushed the RAD field. His 945 round rating sat 44 points over his 901 baseline—a personal best that set the inaugural Reel Lines Series record for his division. Jonah Milner tied Nathan for the lead after hole 1, but that's where the parity ended. Nathan never relinquished it, threading lines and parking approaches like someone who'd studied the course's spiritual topology. Skyler Kunz locked down second place with -5 (902-rated, +36 over his 866 rating), also a personal best on this layout. Anthony Kai (-3) and Jonah (E) rounded out the cash spots, while Cody Chamberlain (+6) endured a round that required more resilience than precision. The Spirited Away tag holder's navigation theory continues to prove out. 🧭

154 Points Below Rating Is a Cry for Help

Cody Chamberlain threw a 747-rated round against his 901 rating—a 154-point deficit that represents the most dramatic single-round regression in the field and possibly a legitimate emergency. Jonah Milner dropped from Week 4's -5 first-place finish to this week's even-par fourth place—a 73-point rating drop (831 vs 886) that suggests the cedars had opinions about his clean card last week and decided to share them. The contrast with Skyler Kunz couldn't be sharper: Skyler climbed from Week 4's -2 third place to -5 second place, a 40-point rating improvement and personal best that shows what happens when the course finally clicks. Some rounds are just data collection. Some are evidence that the trees remember who disrespected them. 🌲

Nine Trailblazers Walk Into a Layout

Nine players set inaugural course records on the Reel Lines Series layout—a clean slate that now bears their signatures. The bogey-free trio of Fernando Cortez, Ben Marolf, and Brian Hansen navigated Creekside without a single mistake, proving that perfection is possible when the cosmic calculation aligns. The above-rating performances tell the story: Ben (+37), Nathan Bohman (+44), Fernando (+28), and Skyler Kunz (+36) all threw rounds that exceeded their own baselines by double-digit margins. On the other end, the below-rating disasters—Cody (-154), Jonah Milner (-55), Malachi Vazquez (-45)—suggest the algorithm giveth and the trees taketh with equal enthusiasm. Ben Marolf rode a 7-hole hot streak (holes 11-17) straight to the top. Casey Turner blazed through a 4-hole stretch (holes 6-9) that set up the entire round. Fernando claimed the sole birdie on hole 5 (Par 3, 311ft) while the rest of the field settled for par or worse. Personal bests, personal worsts, personal problems—all accounted for. 🔥

The Hoodie Found Its Human 👕

Ben Marolf catapulted from bag tag #25 to #1 this week—a +24 position leap powered by his 987-rated round that outpaced the field average by 6.3 strokes. The Cinnabar Cipher, forged in a cluttered garage from a red cotton garment and fractured electronic lexicon, wasn't just a disguise component for E.T. Tanaka's suburban escape plan. It was scouting for talent. The sentient hoodie/Speak & Spell transmission device pulses with rhythmic crimson light and jagged lines of static electricity, humming with long-range transmission frequencies—and now it's found its true wielder. Ben threw +37 over his own capacity, delivered exactly what his personal season average demanded, and proved that duct-taped RadioShack components don't just mesh with intermediate disc golf—they elevate it. Tag #25 didn't change players tonight; it found its purpose. The Cipher ascends. The transmission locks in. The algorithm updates its equipment insurance again.

Casey's Front Nine Hostile Takeover 💰

One skins card, five players, $22.50 in total exchanges—and Casey Turner claimed nine skins for $11.25 with the ruthless efficiency of someone who'd been waiting for this moment. The highlight: a 7-skin carryover scoop on hole 7 with a birdie worth $8.75, the kind of payout that makes everyone else recalculate their life choices. Ben Marolf collected eight skins for $10.00, closing it out on hole 13 with a birdie for 3 skins. Anthony Kai grabbed a single skin on hole 10 ($1.25) with a birdie that at least kept him on the board. Cody Chamberlain and Houston Turner? Shut out. Zero skins each. Casey earned the "Front Nine Sweep" achievement—claiming every skin awarded on the front nine like someone had declared hostile intent at the tee. Any card can enable skins drama like this. Learn how to set up skins.

87 Trees Down, 21 to Go 🌲

The "Officials Prowl" episode delivered exactly what the script promised: government vans lined the parking lot, agents walked the course with handheld devices scanning for anomalous electromagnetic readings, and the Creekside community closed ranks around their strange new member. Veteran players positioned themselves between E.T. Tanaka and the observers. The pro shop owner "accidentally" locked the bathroom, forcing a long drive for facilities. Dr. Keys revealed the truth this week: E.T.'s tree hits aren't failures—each impact sends a signal pulse. He needs exactly 108 trees to complete his transmission home. He's at 87. Twenty-one trees remain, and the back nine gauntlet awaits. Meanwhile, the community didn't just protect their cosmic visitor—they permanently improved his course. The Creekside Course Fund has exceeded its $1,000 goal with $3,187.79 raised, including this week's $12 automatic contribution from twelve players. The stake line OB between holes 7 and 8 is complete, the designated DZ stakes are installed, and 120 stakes plus paint have transformed the layout. Every $1 contribution built something real and lasting. 🎯

Four Weeks Until the Moon Rises 🌕

Week 5 marks the midpoint—nine weeks total, four remaining until the Moonlit Ascent finale. Ben Marolf holds the #1 bag tag and Cinnabar Cipher. Nathan Bohman's wire-to-wire dominance in RAD suggests his navigation theory is proving accurate. Next week brings "Culvert Passage" (Week 6)—the back nine gauntlet through drainage ditches, dense forest, and 21 trees to go. The kids are planning diversions. The community is ready to engage agents in lengthy rules discussions and report "lost discs" requiring searches in opposite directions. E.T. Tanaka will complete his count while Creekside closes ranks one more time. The protective formation holds. The transmission continues. Same time next week—same trees, same stakes, same cosmic purpose.