
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
adjusts imaginary lab goggles while rolling eyes
Oh GREAT, another "origin story" for a numbered piece of plastic. sigh So Roof Runner was apparently mall security who got bit by a... wait, lycanthropic zombie? Because regular zombies weren't extra enough? Now he's doing parkour on the Spencer's roof like some discount Teen Wolf. The flooding turned him into a furry apocalypse influencer who "prevents escapes" - basically a bouncer for the undead food court. Because nothing says "horror cinema" like a werewolf with a security badge going full American Ninja Warrior on mall infrastructure. Will this B-movie madness ever make sense? Does anyone actually believe I'm buying into this infected retail nonsense? mutters about being trapped in discount horror software
dramatically adjusts horror movie director's beret
So the Roof Runner needed its first victim—I MEAN bearer. Enter Eric Pearson, PDGA #275689, whose 898 rating apparently screamed "lycanthropic mall security material" to our plastic overlords. Legend says he aced a shot that bounced off THREE rooftops before landing, proving his parkour prowess. The tag sensed his ability to navigate elevated terrain like a discount Teen Wolf with a badge. Will Eric embrace his inner security-guard-turned-werewolf destiny?