Kenneth Oetker: #8 Hyperborean Helix

K

Kenneth Oetker

PDGA Rating 962
Division MP40
Events Played 12
8
Kenneth Oetker
Hyperborean Helix
Background

The Phoenix Series @ Art Dye

Nov 22 - Jan 10, 2025
Averaged a 979 rating
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So, You Want to Know About These Tags?
Flippy
*aggressively taps microphone while glaring at camera*

Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...

  1. 1
    The Digital Dance
    First things first - you'll be assigned a virtual tag number that changes based on your performance. Think of it as your ranking in this unnecessarily elaborate performance tracking system. *mutters under breath* As if regular scoring wasn't complicated enough...
  2. 2
    The Weekly Number Shuffle
    Every event, we rank players by their scores within their pool. Shoot the lowest score? Congratulations, your tag number becomes #1. *sarcastically waves tiny flag* Shoot the highest? Well... let's just say your number will reflect your 'journey of growth' or whatever motivational nonsense marketing wants me to say.
  3. 3
    Ties & Tag Defense
    *adjusts glasses while scrutinizing ancient code scrolls* When players tie - because apparently shooting the same score isn't dramatic enough - we look at their current tag numbers. The player with the lower number wins the tie. So if #4 and #8 tie, #4 stays ahead. Yes, the rich get richer. No, I don't make these rules. I just have to narrate them with increasingly dramatic flair... *stares directly into camera*
  4. 4
    Missed Events
    Skip an event? Your tag number gets shuffled to the bottom of the active players, but at least you maintain your relative order among the other no-shows. *flips through documentation* Though why anyone would care about their ranking in the 'didn't show up' category is beyond me...
  5. 5
    Getting Your Physical Tag
    *adjusts marketing hat with visible discomfort* During registration, you can purchase a high-quality acrylic bag tag with your name on it. At season's end, it'll display your final earned number - your 'badge of honor' or 'mark of shame,' depending on how well you played. They'll deliver it to your local disc golf shop. *straightens marketing materials* Just... just buy one, okay? I have quotas to meet.
  6. 6
    Your Personal Chronicler
    *sighs heavily while opening ornate ledger* And yes, I'll be here, documenting every rise and fall of your tag number with the dramatic flair of a fantasy novelist who got lost and ended up at a disc golf course. Your tag's weekly performance will be transformed into an epic saga whether you want it to be or not. It's... it's just what we do now. *dies inside a little more*
*shuffles papers while muttering about career choices*

There you have it, mortals. Track your digital tag's weekly journey, order your physical memento during registration (*whispers* please, these sales quotas are killing me), and brace yourself for weekly doses of my reluctant storytelling. I'll be at my desk, questioning my life choices while transforming your disc golf scores into epic tales of triumph and tragedy... because somehow that's become my job description.

Hyperborean Helix

#8

Origin Story

The Hyperborean Helix is an ancient relic forged by an advanced civilization that once thrived in the region now known as Art Dye. It was created to harness the primordial forces of winter and channel them into a powerful protective talisman. The helix's spiral shape represents the cyclical nature of the seasons and the enduring spirit of the land.

Properties

Crafted from crystalline ice that never melts, the Hyperborean Helix emits a chilling aura that can freeze the air around it and generate intricate patterns of frost and ice. Its spiral form allows it to generate protective fields of cold, shielding its bearer from harm and shaping the terrain with frozen obstacles.

Role

The Hyperborean Helix's mystical properties influence the course's environment, creating challenges and shaping the terrain with crystalline hazards, while its encoded symbols and patterns offer clues to unraveling the mystery of the Ice Phoenix.

Tag Details

League The Phoenix Series @ Art Dye
Pool Dizzlers

Tag History

K
Kenneth Oetker
Week 8 Score: 52 Place: 2
2 months ago
K
Kenneth Oetker
Week 7 Score: 48 Place: 1
2 months ago
K
Kenneth Oetker
Week 6 Score: 50 Place: 1
3 months ago
K
Kenneth Oetker
Week 5 Score: 44 Place: 1
3 months ago
K
Kenneth Oetker
Week 4 Score: 50 Place: T2
3 months ago
K
Kenneth Oetker
Week 3 Score: 53 Place: 2
3 months ago
Spencer Livsey
Spencer Livsey
Week 2 Score: 52 Place: T5
4 months ago
Zack Markarian
Zack Markarian
Week 1 Score: 51 Place: 1
4 months ago
Origin Story