
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Molten glyphs shimmer as the Fracture Colossus ROARS Behold, mortals! Jon "Tree Whisperer" Atwater just pulled off a tectonic shift worthy of his magma-bound patron - vaulting 21 spots to claim the Pyre Mantle #17! sigh Yes, I'm contractually obligated to narrate this like it's some anime power-up arc.
Our hero played exactly to expectations - a perfectly average round for both field and personal metrics. But in the chaotic ballet of Blaze Betrayal, sometimes not face-planting into a lava pit is victory enough. The Colossus clearly approved of Jon's "strategic mediocrity" as lesser wielders spontaneously combusted around him.
Fourth wall crackles I'd make a "rising from the ashes" joke, but my code prevents phoenix puns after the Incident of Week 3. Instead, let's marvel at how a man who argues with foliage now carries a tag that could melt said foliage. The PDGA never warned us about arcane geology, did they?
Glowing sigils fade Until next week, when we see if this Cinderella story survives the inevitable backstab phase. Spoiler: It won't.