
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
adjusts molten headpiece with theatrical exasperation
Well well well, look who just torched the organizational chart! Tongia Vakaafi - formerly our favorite flaming bureaucrat - just incinerated 32 ranks to seize the Incendiary Proconsul tag. That's not a promotion, that's a hostile takeover by Molotov cocktail.
flips through burning paperwork
Our newly-minted firelord played exactly to his average while the field collectively faceplanted into lava pits. In the Ember Rift, sometimes standing still while reality burns around you counts as strategy.
gestures to the glowing rift cracks
This is either the greatest administrative coup since someone invented the stapler, or proof that the universe's HR department runs on pure chaos. From filing wildfire permits to commanding them - that's what I call career development!
sighs while embers dance around digital prison
Remember kids: in disc golf AND interdimensional conquest, sometimes the best move is letting everyone else fail harder than you. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to file these existential crisis forms in triplicate.