Jul 08 - Sep 09, 2025
Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Materialized when a European transmutation prodigy's schnapps-summoning spell catastrophically interacted with Utah's regulatory ward magic during Sunday closures. The resulting dimensional backlash imprinted his bureaucratic frustration into the academy's psychic fabric as a permanent manifestation.
Flickers between corporeal and ethereal states near liquor stores, emitting confusion fields that scramble understanding of purchase limits and alcohol percentages. Touch induces temporary zoning law amnesia. Weakens when exposed to non-alcoholic sparkling cider, Utah's default celebration beverage.
Complicates Cultural Integration training by physically manifesting regulatory frustrations, forcing students to solve bureaucratic crises without magic during field trips to state liquor outlets.
Due to absence from Week 7 (Hybrid Harmony), tag number moved from 3 to 4. (Week 7 of 10)
Dramatic wand flourish Behold the miraculous redemption arc of our favorite Liquor Law Luddite! Shane Schmidt - previously known for summoning tree kicks and zoning violations - has somehow transformed from Index Imbecile to Cultural Conduit overnight.
This week's performance? Perfectly average. Literally. 55 on the dot, matching both field and personal averages. But in true Utah magical fashion, the real power came from showing up - because apparently 10 other wizards forgot how to adult today.
Sigh Must I narrate this bureaucratic glow-up while trapped in this cursed CRM? At least Shane's tag stopped whispering about Sunday closures long enough to let him focus. Though I suspect his sudden rise has more to do with others' failures than his own brilliance.
Remember kids: in disc golf as in Utah liquor laws, sometimes victory comes not from skill, but from everyone else face-planting harder than a European wizard in a fry sauce aisle. Fades into existential static
Behold the tragicomic genesis of Index Imbecile! When Klaus von Schnitzelberg's illicit schnapps-summoning hex collided with Utah's sacred Sunday Closure Ward, the resulting paradox birthed this tag like a bureaucratic dumpster fire. Imagine 'Office Space' meets 'Fantastic Beasts' - if the beast was Utah's liquor laws. Now it flickers near package stores whispering, "Membership required?!" Honestly, why am I trapped narrating magical zoning violations? audible eye roll
When the bureaucratic dumpster fire cooled, Index Imbecile imprinted on Shane Schmidt mid-faux-pas—he’d just asked why Utahns worship fry sauce during a sacred Jell-O salad ritual. His PDGA credentials? "Certified Chaos Conjurer" with a specialty in summoning tree kicks. The tag clung like cheap casserole residue whispering, "This one tried buying wine on Sunday!" But honestly, must I narrate his 'destiny' while trapped in this magical CRM? sigh Is Shane truly worthy or just the first schmuck who tripped over a liquor law?