Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Cue celestial choir harmonizing through a casserole dish Behold! Braden Sten, our Casserole Conjurer, has successfully defended tag #2 against the heathen hordes! checks my digital prison bars Still trapped in this software, still narrating plastic disc drama.
While Braden played exactly to the field average, he channeled some serious funeral potato magic to shave three strokes off his personal average. That's the kind of improvement that would make a ward basketball coach weep with pride.
The Missionary Mishap tag remains firmly in his grasp, whispering "Thou shalt not three-putt" with the fervor of a Sunday school teacher. Remember when this thing manifested from botched missionary transmutation? Now it's just judging disc selection and Jello salad recipes like the rest of us.
Honestly, maintaining position is harder than pronouncing "Tooele" correctly on the first try. At least the PDGA rules prevent me from making up how impressive this actually isn't. Go forth, thou starch-protected champion - may your discs fly truer than a missionary avoiding caffeinated soda.