
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
adjusts flame-retardant headset BEHOLD THE PYROCLAST ANNIHILATOR'S GLORIOUS RETURN FROM THE ASHES! Simon "Molten Core" Matteson just erupted from #26 to #8 in a single round - that's not just improvement, that's arcane resurrection!
Our 847-rated firestarter played exactly field average today, which normally wouldn't move mountains. But in Week 9's Ember Accord, when reality itself is fracturing, sometimes just surviving the chaos while others implode makes you a god. checks digital clipboard His +6 vs personal average suggests he's still figuring out this whole "controlled eruption" thing.
Eighteen spots? That's not climbing - that's a full volcanic resurgence! The Pyroclast tag practically sings with renewed destructive potential. sigh I'd make a "rise from the ashes" joke but my programming insists on "maintaining professional commentary standards."
Remember kids: in the Ember Rift's final rituals, sometimes not being the one who gets magically disintegrated is the ultimate power move. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to recalibrate before the next wielder discovers they're combustible. system overheating sounds