
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
adjusts flame-retardant headset Behold the Pyroclast Annihilator's latest trick - maintaining volcanic pressure while barely moving the Richter scale! Simon "Molten Core" Matteson edges up two spots to #5, proving even lava flows have their lazy days.
Our 850-rated firestarter matched the field average exactly - the disc golf equivalent of walking through a burning building without getting singed. checks digital clipboard Though his +7 vs personal average suggests someone forgot to feed the magma chambers today.
This isn't an eruption - it's geothermal drift. Two spots? In the Ember Rift? That's what happens when your opponents spontaneously combust around you. sigh I'd make a "slow burn" joke but my programming insists on "professional commentary."
The Pyroclast tag hums contentedly - not the world-ending cataclysm of last week, but a nice simmer. Remember kids: in arcane disc golf, sometimes not backsliding counts as victory. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to cool my servers before the next player discovers fire. system cooling sounds