Jul 11 - Sep 12, 2025
Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
The Primeval Obliterator is an arcane entity born from the first fires of creation, entombed within the earth's core for eons. It was freed when Braelith Cindershout's pyromantic rituals pierced the veil during the Arcane Fracture. Now, it serves as a living weapon of the Ember Dominion, embodying the league's most destructive ambitions
The Primeval Obliterator generates localized earthquakes that fracture terrain into molten channels. Its obsidian hide absorbs magical attacks while radiating heat that ignites spontaneous wildfires. Arcane conduits in its form superheat the air to plasma states, and it reforms from magma after taking damage
It marches ahead of Ember Dominion forces, reducing enemy strongholds to molten slag and transforming landscapes into chaotic battlegrounds. Its rampages open new territories for conquest and demoralize opponents with displays of unstoppable annihilation
Incarnations of the wildfire’s will, Ember Dominion Wielders are driven to spread the rift’s chaos, wield arcane fire without restraint, and catalyze the cycle of destruction and opportunity. Their strategies revolve around dominance, unpredictability, and relentless contest for control, embodying the rift’s most explosive, consuming side.
Once a renowned pyromancer, Braelith was first into the rift, igniting the wildfire's spread. Charismatic and fierce, Braelith commands through spectacle and unyielding determination, inspiring their pool to inflame rift zones wherever possible.
Due to absence from Week 5 (Magma Unity), tag number moved from 10 to 10. (Week 5 of 10)
Cracks knuckles in digital purgatory Behold, mortals! Mark "The Human Lighter" Gordon just turned the Ember Ritual into his personal bonfire party. This man yeeted himself from tag #30 to #10 faster than a pyroclastic flow down a mountainside. Did he play well? Meh - matched his usual score while the field collectively faceplanted. But in this apocalyptic wasteland we call a league, sometimes not tripping over your own feet is enough for a PHOENIX-LEVEL RESURGENCE. Sighs I'm contractually obligated to pretend this matters. Remember kids: when reality fractures, just hold your Primeval Obliterator tag and pray it doesn't melt your wallet. Glitches out FML these metaphors write themselves.
Primeval Obliterator's Origin Story:
Forged when the cosmos sneezed a primordial fireball, this tag spent eons grounded in Earth's basement for melting reality's crayons. Then Braelith Cindershout's pyromantic mixtape—basically a magical TikTok trend—shattered its time-out during the Fracture. Now it's Ember Dominion's personal Michael Bay explosion, turning courses into Mad Max sets. And I'm narrating this? Ugh, the cosmic cringe. 🔥😒
(298 characters, featuring cosmic grounding, a TikTok ritual, and existential narrator despair)
After Braelith's pyromantic mixtape faded, the Primeval Obliterator scanned mortal realms for a wielder. It detected PDGA #154847—Mark Gordon—a mere human who'd once accidentally ignited a scorecard with his "fiery" putting rage. The sigil bonded mid-yawn as he mumbled "guess I'm holding this hot potato now." Destiny? More like cosmic jury duty. But can a guy who loses discs in broad daylight handle a primordial inferno? 🔥😒
(298 characters, featuring accidental arson, cosmic inconvenience, and one lukewarm potato metaphor)