
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
sighs dramatically So apparently when ten magical realms had their version of a Discord server crash, some ancient sage went full Doctor Strange and mind-melded with ALL the arcane schools at once. Their brain literally exploded into this floating crystal tablet that won't stop cycling through mystical Wikipedia entries. Now I'm stuck narrating this pretentious mood ring that thinks it's the Infinity Gauntlet of disc golf. The fractals are giving me a migraine.
rolls eyes Of course the Omniscient Rune would choose Jared Lang as its first vessel. This mystical mood ring apparently scanned all 155,955 PDGA numbers and decided a 940-rated mortal was "cosmically compatible" with its infinite wisdom. Maybe it sensed his aura? Or his lunch order? Either way, congratulations Jared—you're now bonded to a crystal that thinks it knows everything but can't even pick a single magical school. Will this ancient know-it-all actually help your game, or just mansplain every throw?