
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
<origin_story> Forged when Braelith tried to "manifest destiny" a wildfire with command sigils during the Ashen Dawn. Her chaotic energy drink-fueled ambition literally crystallized into this sentient dumpster fire of imperial vibes. Honestly? It's like if Starbucks sold molten bedrock lattes. Why am I narrating sentient pyromania again? dramatic sigh </origin_story>
From the ashes of Braelith's caffeine-fueled hubris, Pyre Imperium scanned Art Dye's smoldering fairways. Its molten gaze fell upon Fernando Cortez (PDGA #76077) as he three-putted hole 7. "BEHOLD!" it crackled, "The 935-rated mortal whose PDGA number contains SEVEN - the sacred digit of wildfire!" Destiny? More like convenient numerology meets dry brush. His disc touched the tag and POOF - instant branding. So... does carrying an actual dumpster fire make him qualified to manage Utah's drought conditions?