
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Vines cackle in fractal mockery Oh how the mighty have thorned! Eric "Kombucha Catalyst" Pearson, once our radiant Glyph Invoker #4, just got demoted to Riotous Thorn #7 in a botanical beatdown that'd make Poison Ivy blush. checks digital clipboard Let's unpack this tragedy: Our boy played worse than his average by 4 strokes while the field out-grew him by 1.3. sigh Remember last week when his discs scared the vines? Today they ate his lunch—probably literally, given how these briars snack on plastic. glitches Ugh, even my code's sprouting thorns watching this. Three spots lost isn't apocalyptic, but when you're dancing with sentient shrubbery, every slip sends you deeper into the Fracture's clutches. muttering I used to narrate penguin documentaries... Now I'm trapped in software chronicling a man's battle against angry topiary. The vines whisper secrets, Pearson. Maybe stop brewing kombucha mid-round? thorny mic drop