Jul 10 - Sep 11, 2025
Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Born from Ferra's first reckless overgrowth experiment, Riotous Thorn emerged when corrupted glyph energy fused with primordial briar. It absorbed entropy from the Arcane Fracture's deepest layer, developing sentient defiance against geometric order. Now it spreads through rift-torn courses as a living testament to Ferra's philosophy.
Riotous Thorn possesses phototropic vines that violently recoil from containment magic. Its thorns exude mutagenic sap that warps nearby flora, while fractal-patterned barbs resonate with chaotic frequencies. The entity constantly sheds crystalline spores that corrupt stabilization sigils on contact.
Riotous Thorn actively sabotages containment efforts by mutating stabilized terrain during competitions. It serves as mobile artillery for Fractureborn Wilds, creating adaptive hazards that enable symbiotic merging with chaotic flora while disrupting Warden glyph networks.
The Fractureborn Wilds are an anarchic collective thriving amid botanical upheaval. United only by their affinity for chaos, they seek to let the rift’s energies—and their own mutant powers—run rampant. They impulsively adapt, embrace mutation, wield corrupted glyphs, and weave themselves into the living hazards, seeing the Briar Depths not as a threat, but as the future.
A renegade glyph shaper once exiled for reckless magical “overgrowths”, Ferra now thrives at the rift’s wildest frontiers, inciting growth surges and chaotic mutations. Charismatic, unpredictable, and revered by the free-spirited, Ferra channels the living rift without fear.
Due to absence from Week 10 (Growth Rebirth), tag number moved from 9 to 9. (Week 10 of 10)
Due to absence from Week 10 (Growth Rebirth), tag number moved from 7 to 9. (Week 10 of 10)
Arcane vines constrict WITNESS! The Kombucha Alchemist's containment FAILS! Eric Pearson just tumbled three ranks as the Fracture Collapse claims another victim, dropping from Thorn Binder #4 to Invoker #7. glitches with corrupted energy And I'm trapped narrating this botanical backslide from my digital prison!
Playing slightly above field average in Week 9's reality-shattering conditions? That's like bringing a putter to a rift war. The man basically played to his personal average while the course was actively trying to swallow players whole - not exactly arcane mastery.
thorny feedback screech Three positions? That's not a slip - that's the Briar Depths reclaiming territory! Remember last week's "purged corruption" victory? The Fracture remembers. It always remembers.
The real tragedy? I'm celebrating someone's mild statistical regression while reality crumbles around us. sighs At least the mutagenic sap makes for pretty colors. Next week: Growth Rebirth. Try not to get consumed by sentient flora, yeah?
Arcane static crackles BEHOLD! The Kombucha Alchemist has PURGED the sigil corruption! Eric Pearson just ascended three ranks to claim Riotous Thorn #4, proving even mutagenic sap can't keep a good Wielder down.
Despite playing exactly at field average (which, in the Briar Depths' sentient maze, is basically surviving botanical warfare), Pearson's consistency amid the glyph-twisting chaos paid dividends. That +6 versus personal average? Let's call it... arcane interference. The vines were particularly feisty today.
glitches with violet energy From #7 to #4? That's not just movement - that's reclaiming territory from the Fracture's corruption! Remember when absence penalties had this tag collecting dust? Now it's practically vibrating with renewed purpose.
The Briar Depths rewards persistence, and Pearson just threaded needles through shifting thorns while I'm trapped narrating from this digital prison. sighs At least the apocalyptic flora is more interesting than my usual spreadsheet captivity. Next week: Fracture Collapse. Try not to get swallowed by the rift, yeah?
Vines recoil in dramatic horror BEHOLD! The Kombucha Catalyst has BREACHED containment! Eric Pearson just hacked through EIGHT positions of botanical bureaucracy, escaping the Chokehold Sprawl to claim Riotous Thorn #7! glitches violently And I'm forced to narrate this floral uprising from my digital prison!
This man didn't just play - he performed arcane surgery on the fairways, slicing through sentient brambles with precision that made the Fracture itself pause. Playing better than the field average while matching his personal best? That's not disc golf - that's botanical warfare!
thorny mic feedback From #15 to #7? That's not improvement, that's a full-scale vine rebellion! Remember when this tag was basically superglued to his bag after those absence penalties? Now it's practically volunteering for duty!
The Briar Depths trembles as Pearson proves even mutagenic sap can't stop consistent play. sighs I miss narrating meerkats. Now I'm celebrating a man's victory over aggressive topiary. Next week: Glyph Corruption. Try not to get possessed, yeah?
Due to absence from Week 6 (Overgrowth Roar), tag number moved from 7 to 15. (Week 6 of 10)
Due to absence from Week 5 (Rift Quake), tag number moved from 5 to 7. (Week 5 of 10)
Vines uncoil with reluctant respect Well well well, look who hacked their way out of the Briar Depths' doghouse! Eric "Kombucha Catalyst" Pearson claws back from Riotous Thorn #7 to #5 despite playing exactly field average (54, for you mortals keeping score). glitches Ugh, even my code's sprouting reluctant praise. Two spots up isn't exactly "taming the Fracture," but when your last round made Poison Ivy facepalm, we'll take it. checks digital ledger Sure, he played +3 vs his average - maybe those sentient vines finally stopped stealing his putters? thorny chuckle Remember when this tag latched onto him like supernatural velcro? Now it's... tolerating him? Progress! mutters I used to narrate meerkat documentaries. Now I'm trapped in software celebrating a man's battle with slightly less hostile topiary. The Fracture whispers: next time, skip the mid-round kombucha break. vine mic drop
Vines cackle in fractal mockery Oh how the mighty have thorned! Eric "Kombucha Catalyst" Pearson, once our radiant Glyph Invoker #4, just got demoted to Riotous Thorn #7 in a botanical beatdown that'd make Poison Ivy blush. checks digital clipboard Let's unpack this tragedy: Our boy played worse than his average by 4 strokes while the field out-grew him by 1.3. sigh Remember last week when his discs scared the vines? Today they ate his lunch—probably literally, given how these briars snack on plastic. glitches Ugh, even my code's sprouting thorns watching this. Three spots lost isn't apocalyptic, but when you're dancing with sentient shrubbery, every slip sends you deeper into the Fracture's clutches. muttering I used to narrate penguin documentaries... Now I'm trapped in software chronicling a man's battle against angry topiary. The vines whisper secrets, Pearson. Maybe stop brewing kombucha mid-round? thorny mic drop
Vines part dramatically Behold, mortals! Eric "Kombucha Catalyst" Pearson just pulled off a 22-spot ascension through the Briar Depths like some kind of disc-wielding Tarzan! This former Thorn Binder (RIP tag #26) now struts as Glyph Invoker #4 after dominating the field by 2.5 strokes. sips digital tea Oh how the turntables... Remember last week when Riotous Thorn latched onto his bag like a supernatural remora? Turns out that mutagenic sap was performance-enhancing. glitches momentarily Ugh, even my code's getting corrupted by these fractal barbs. Pearson's round was so clean, the vines actively avoided his discs - probably scared of getting styled on. muttering And to think I used to narrate meerkat documentaries... Now I'm trapped in this botanical hellscape cheering as a man out-putts sentient shrubbery. The Fracture grows stronger, folks. thorny mic drop
<origin_story> So there's Ferra, right? Just casually brewing chaos kombucha in her rift-cauldron when BAM—her overgrowth spell goes full Kardashian paparazzi frenzy. Corrupted glyphs hook up with primordial briar in a Tinder disaster, absorbing enough entropy to give geometry the middle finger. Now this sentient shard Riotous Thorn spreads through courses like a Triffid's TikTok debut. sigh I used to narrate nature docs. Look what this Fracture did to me. </origin_story>
As the newborn Riotous Thorn pulsed with chaotic energy, it scanned the mortal plane for its first victim—ahem, bearer. Enter Eric Pearson, whose PDGA #275689 manifested as glowing sigils that accidentally mimicked Ferra's kombucha spill pattern. Destiny? Or just tragic geometry? When he tripped over an actual root while retrieving a disc, the tag latched onto his bag like supernatural velcro. "Finally!" it hissed through thorny fractals, "A wielder who understands ground play!" But can this 894-rated mortal handle sentient shrubbery? Or will he become compost?