Jul 08 - Sep 09, 2025
Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
The first Timpanogos Templar emerged when a geography prodigy fused with the mountain's spirit during Professor Bumblethwaite's botched teleportation ritual. This hybrid entity established an order of knight-mages who swore oaths upon Timpanogos' crystalline caves to protect both the academy's magical integrity and West Jordan's suburban sanctity.
Manifests as semi-corporeal entities with stone-like skin shifting between granite grays and stucco tones. Their touch causes casseroles to emit protective wards and Jello molds to vibrate at boundary-reinforcing frequencies. They project miniature mountain ranges that neutralize dimensional tears and convert strip malls into magical fortresses.
Serve as territorial arbiters enforcing magical containment along ward boundaries while mediating disputes between wizards and locals, maintaining balance between tectonic magic and suburban infrastructure.
Due to absence from Week 3 (Local Lessons), tag number moved from 6 to 10. (Week 3 of 10)
adjusts wizard robes made of discarded Big 5 receipts Behold! Our steadfast Timpanogos Templar Cody Chamberlain (#6) stands unmoved like a Jello mold at a ward social. While his +1 vs field and +4 vs personal suggest he played like someone who forgot the sacred fry sauce ratio, he maintained his ranking through sheer force of... well, mostly just not being worse than the people below him. sigh Another week trapped in this software, forced to dramatize mediocrity while the real magic happens in the academy kitchens where funeral potatoes are being weaponized. At least Cody understands the first rule of Utah disc golf: never challenge a local to a putting contest during sacrament meeting. Until next time, may your discs fly truer than your attempts to pronounce "Tooele."
<origin_story> When Bumblethwaite's teleportation spell yeeted the Tetons into West Jordan, Timpanogos got petty. Its spirit possessed a caffeine-deprived geography TA during the chaos, creating the first Templar. Now these stone-skinned guardians manifest whenever someone microwaves funeral potatoes near a dimensional rift. Their sacred duty? Preventing kombucha from contaminating the sacred fry sauce reserves. Honestly, writing this makes me question my life choices. </origin_story>
In the Great Casserole Convergence of '89, Cody Chamberlain's PDGA #257238 glowed like a cursed CTR ring when the Timpanogos Templar manifested. His 893-rated resolve? Proven when he defended fry sauce reserves from rogue kombucha using only a Zone and funeral potato leftovers. "He understands," hissed the stone guardians, "that Sunday disc purchases require secret handshakes." But when he called green Jell-O "salad," reality flickered. Does this prophet truly grasp Tooele's pronunciation?