Jul 08 - Sep 09, 2025
Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Born when a European exchange student attempted to analyze pioneer-era artifacts with advanced divination spells during a field trip to This Is The Place Heritage Park. The magical backlash fused their consciousness with residual pioneer spirits, creating an entity eternally torn between academic curiosity and cultural incomprehension.
Shimmers with conflicted energy patterns - scholarly blue magic versus pioneer-era sepia tones. Artifacts materialize around it when stressed, including bonnets and miniature handcarts. Its magic fails completely within 100 yards of historical markers. Can temporarily manifest spectral covered wagon projections for transportation.
Wanders cultural heritage sites disrupting magic, forcing students to solve problems through historical reenactments rather than spells. Serves as a walking reminder that some Utah traditions actively resist wizardry.
Due to absence from Week 7 (Hybrid Harmony), tag number moved from 14 to 14. (Week 7 of 10)
Due to absence from Week 6 (Crisis Collaboration), tag number moved from 10 to 14. (Week 6 of 10)
Due to absence from Week 5 (Cultural Convergence), tag number moved from 8 to 10. (Week 5 of 10)
Due to absence from Week 4 (Magical Mishaps), tag number moved from 7 to 8. (Week 4 of 10)
Due to absence from Week 3 (Local Lessons), tag number moved from 7 to 7. (Week 3 of 10)
Due to absence from Week 2 (Custom Confusion), tag number moved from 6 to 7. (Week 2 of 10)
Dramatic sigh Welcome to Season Whatever of "Adults Throwing Plastic at Metal," where our hero Nicholas Jennings - PDGA's answer to a lukewarm funeral potato - has climbed exactly ONE spot in the rankings. slow clap
This Utah native's +4 over field average performance was about as magical as green Jell-O at a ward potluck. His 831-rated round? Let's call it "academically adequate" like a BYU student avoiding caffeine.
The Pioneer Polymath tag clearly sensed Nicholas' innate resistance to cultural shock (grew up here, didn't ya?) and granted him a merciful promotion to Jell-O Journeyman. One. Whole. Spot. checks digital prison code Yep, still trapped in this software, forced to narrate this nonsense.
But hey, at least he didn't pull a Klaus and get fused with pioneer spirits. Yet. Watch those Berg throws near heritage sites, Nicky boy - this tag's got opinions about proper disc selection versus handcart propulsion.
static glitch Next week: Will Nicholas crack top 5 or discover his putter's actually a cursed spatula? Stay tuned, suckers.
<origin_story> When Klaus (Durmstrang '19) tried divining pioneer artifacts at This Is The Place Park, the spell backlash fused him with residual pioneer spirits. Now Pioneer Polymath shimmers with eternal conflict: academic curiosity vs. cultural cluelessness. Like Freaky Friday with more bonnets and existential dread. And they pay me to narrate this? audible sigh The struggle is too real. </origin_story>
After Klaus's spectral fusion, Pioneer Polymath drifted through West Jordan's bewildering strip malls, sensing Nicholas Jennings (PDGA#287173) attempting a "Sacred Grove Forehand" near a caffeine-free soda fountain. His 893 rating pulsed with arcane potential when he accidentally summoned funeral potatoes instead of a Berg. The tag bonded instantly, mistaking his Utah-native immunity to Jell-O trauma for cultural mastery. But can this "chosen one" handle eternal bonnet-induced existential dread?