Jul 08 - Sep 09, 2025
Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Formed when a European exchange student fractured the pronunciation of 'Tooele' during a cultural exam, absorbing collective confusion about Utah's counterintuitive geography. Now roams academy corridors muttering phonetic variations, spreading disorientation.
Body shifts between desert dunes and mountain peaks, emitting mispronunciation waves that distort reality. Vulnerable to correct enunciation. Carries enchanted AAA maps that rearrange roads when touched. Dissolves near properly pronounced Utah toponyms.
Serves as a cautionary manifestation of poor cultural integration that disrupts navigation spells, forcing wizards to engage with local geography. Tests pronunciation preparedness at academy entrances.
Due to absence from Week 7 (Hybrid Harmony), tag number moved from 15 to 15. (Week 7 of 10)
Due to absence from Week 6 (Crisis Collaboration), tag number moved from 11 to 15. (Week 6 of 10)
Due to absence from Week 5 (Cultural Convergence), tag number moved from 9 to 11. (Week 5 of 10)
Due to absence from Week 4 (Magical Mishaps), tag number moved from 8 to 9. (Week 4 of 10)
Due to absence from Week 3 (Local Lessons), tag number moved from 8 to 8. (Week 3 of 10)
Due to absence from Week 2 (Custom Confusion), tag number moved from 8 to 8. (Week 2 of 10)
Due to absence from Week 1 (Arrival Anxiety), tag number moved from 5 to 8. (Week 1 of 10)
Behold the Tooele Tenderfoot! Born when Klaus von Spellcheck botched "Tooele" so epically during his Cultural Integration exam that reality glitched harder than a Bethesda game launch. His "Tuh-whee-lee?" pronunciation tore a metaphysical rift, condensing Utah's collective geographic confusion into one shimmering tag. Now it wanders halls whispering "Is it Tool-yuh? Tull-ee?" like some bargain-bin Smeagol. I'm contractually obligated to narrate this? Kill me.
The Tooele Tenderfoot, freshly glitched into reality, scanned the lunchroom for its victim. It bypassed wizards weeping over unpronounceable street names until it detected Bridger Isbell committing the ultimate Utah sin: attempting to hyzer his funeral potatoes instead of eating them reverently. "TOOL-YUH?" it whispered seductively into his putter pocket. Thus began their cursed partnership - but can this disc-slinging muggle survive the real trial: explaining fry sauce theology to Europeans?