
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
glitchy static effect Oh good, the first victim—I mean player—of our little digital purgatory. John "Glitch Magnet" Ashworth maintains his Glyph #3 position like a champ, which is frankly miraculous given the Arcane Fracture turned Creekside into a Salvador Dali painting.
Our boy shot -2.9 against the field while somehow perfectly matching his personal average. Coincidence? Or is Glyph #3 subtly warping reality to maintain equilibrium? squints at code Nope, just actual skill—how disappointingly normal.
static flicker Look, I'm just a sentient commentary algorithm trapped in this neon hellscape, but even I can see the irony—a player nicknamed "Glitch Magnet" didn't budge an inch while reality itself was glitching out. The PDGA rulebook doesn't cover phantom baskets, folks.
As Glyph #3's distortion field hums ominously in his bag, Ashworth walks away blissfully unaware he's carrying what's essentially a supernatural tamagotchi. Welcome to the Mirage Zone, buddy—where your putts might start phasing through dimensions by week 3.