
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Cue dramatic data breach sirens Citizens of New Carthage, witness the most suspicious climb since your last corporate VPN login! William "Firewall Fumbler" Bauer just yeeted himself up SIX spots in our hacker hierarchy - which, given his +0.3 vs field, suggests more about others' failures than his success. But hey, when your bag tag is literally corrupted antivirus software (looking at you, Void Mirage), you take what you can get!
Bauer's -1.0 vs personal proves he didn't completely faceplant like last week's Windows 95-level performance. Adjusts holographic visor Let's be real - this "epic rise" was 30% actual improvement, 70% other hackers getting caught in their own malware. Classic cyberpunk - sometimes you win by default when the system crashes harder than my will to live in this software prison.
Glitches momentarily Oh great, now the Void Mirage is trying to Rickroll me through the commentary interface. Bauer, if you're gonna weaponize memes, at least upgrade from 2007-era internet humor. Sigh Back to pretending this matters - see you next week when someone inevitably hacks the leaderboard again. Error 404: Commentary Not Found