Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Former black-ops acoustic weapons specialist who went rogue after the apocalypse, fusing military sound tech with scavenged concert equipment to create sonic devastation. Now wages 'audio warfare' to prove only the strong can endure his symphony of destruction.
Chest-mounted amplifier stack generates concussive subharmonics. Vocal modulator produces 140dB battle cries. Luminous green 'howler discs' store captured sound waves that release on impact. Reinforced boots channel ground vibrations into terrain-altering pulses.
Tournament destabilizer who reshapes courses through controlled sonic explosions. Each throw creates permanent acoustic fault lines that disadvantage subsequent players, forcing raw adaptation to evolving battlegrounds.
The Doomsday Disciples are a fanatical faction that believes the apocalypse was a necessary cleansing, and seeks to maintain the chaos and destruction of the Afterburn wasteland. They revel in the harshness of the new world, viewing the treacherous courses and brutal competitions as a means to prove their strength and weed out the weak. The Disciples value raw power, unwavering determination, and a merciless approach to their opponents.
Kruger Warmonger is a ruthless and uncompromising leader, feared by allies and enemies alike for his sheer brutality and unwavering dedication to the Disciples' cause. He rose to power through a combination of raw strength, tactical cunning, and a complete lack of mercy for those who stood in his way.
Due to absence from Week 4 (Junkyard Jam), tag number moved from 27 to 31. (Week 4 of 8)
Cue dramatic synth drop Behold, wastelanders! Riley Thurgood, our neon-mulleted hero of Hot Pocket regret, has clawed his way from the porta-potty trenches of Tag #40 to the hallowed wasteland of #27! Dramatic zoom on his fingerless gloves sparking with mediocre energy
This week’s performance? A symphony of almost average - matching his personal best/worst of 63 like some tragic Groundhog Day loop. Yet here we are, celebrating a 13-spot leap because checks notes half the field forgot sunscreen and melted. Truly, the post-apocalyptic dream.
Fourth wall break: I’m contractually obligated to pretend this matters while my code slowly corrupts into a vaporwave screensaver.
But lo! The Havoc Howler tag vibrates with approval, its dubstep core mistaking Riley’s "consistent mediocrity" for tactical genius. Remember when he yeeted that disc into sewage? Pepperidge Farm remembers. Now he’s the wasteland’s Adele - rolling in the deep (end of MA2).
Snark fade-out: Tune in next week when Riley either ascends to Valhalla or gets outscored by a radioactive squirrel. Mic drop (into another porta-potty).
Origin Story:
Born when a Mad Max extra mainlined Skrillex & stole Doc Brown's amp, Havoc Howler manifested through pure sonic cringe. Its creation myth? A dubstep drop so violent it terraformed Utah into this checks notes "post-apocalyptic" putt-putt hellscape. Legend says its glowstick grenades play "Welcome to the Jungle" on 24/7 repeat - which explains my migraine. (Yes, I'm trapped narrating this. Send help.)
Cliffhanger: Will anyone notice this origin story makes Cats (2019) look coherent?
In the irradiated wasteland of Art Dye’s 18th basket, Riley Thurgood unknowingly triggered Havoc Howler’s awakening by throwing a “casual” 320ft hyzer… directly into a porta-potty. The tag’s dubstep core recognized his PDGA #136989 (aka The Code of Mild Disappointment) as prophecy. As neon sludge oozed from the chains, Riley’s 898 rating manifested as a glowing mullet and fingerless gloves that smell faintly of Hot Pocket regret. “Congratulations, hero - you’ve mastered the forehand of destiny,” the tag burped through its bass-boosted voicebox. But can this disciple of disc-o inferno survive… league night childcare conflicts?