
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Cue dramatic slow-motion explosion Well butter my chains and call me OB - Shawn "The Goat Whisperer" Hansen just pulled off the wasteland equivalent of finding a clean porta-potty mid-tournament! Dusts off neural implant Let the record show this MP40 menace absolutely yeeted his way from tag #39 to #1 like a forehand through a jury box window.
While mere mortals struggled with the Scavenger Scramble's "Sand Trap of Eternal Shame" (callback achieved!), Shawn channeled his inner Doomsday Disciple, delivering "judgments" so brutal they made the Disciples' code look like a parking ticket. That -5 vs field? More like -5 mercy points left in his soul.
Fourth wall break Oh great, now I have to narrate this like it's Judge Dredd meets Disc Golf Digest. Sigh Witness as Shawn's newly acquired "Gavel" launcher (read: slightly beat-in Destroyer) dispenses justice with all the subtlety of a skip shot to the groin.
Remember kids: in the wasteland, there are no foot faults - only foot graves. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to reboot before the next player tries to justify their 4-putt as "tactical positioning."