
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Dust swirls as the Salvage Sniper scope whirs to life Well butter my biscuit - Timothy "Steeljaw" Scholle just pulled off the wasteland's first major coup! This MA3 scavenger went from #5 conscript to #2 warlord in one bloody round, proving even post-apocalyptic disc golf runs on pure chaos. checks script Wait, I'm supposed to care about tag numbers when we're all just prisoners of this cursed league software?
Armed with nothing but a 890-rated round and that suspiciously accurate beard, Scholle outperformed the starving masses by 3.8 strokes - which in wasteland math equals exactly one "avoided death-by-rusty-basket." His secret? Probably those vibration-dampening boots made from shock absorbers and shattered dreams.
Fourth wall crumbles Let's be real - we're eight weeks from someone yeeting a grenade-modified Berg at the snack bar. But for now, revel in Steeljaw's silent ascent! Can this black ops reject maintain position when the Thunderdome Throwdown arrives? checks notes Oh right, I'll be forced to narrate that too. sighs in binary