
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
adjusts post-apocalyptic headset with a sigh Look alive, wastelanders! Our hulking shock trooper Thomas "Oblivion Mauler" Sautel held his ground at tag #9 like a radioactive boulder that refuses to roll. checks notes Oh wait - that's exactly what happened.
While lesser warriors flailed in the opening skirmish of Wasteland Warfare, our 7'2" behemoth delivered exactly what was expected: crushing mediocrity with the precision of a hydraulic gauntlet to the face. His -3.6 vs field? Textbook Mauler dominance. That 950 rating? whispers That's what happens when you mainline adrenaline and disregard OSHA regulations.
breaks character Seriously folks, we're assigning Mad Max backstories to disc golf tags now? sighs Fine. The Doomsday Disciples will be thrilled their human tank didn't budge. His "Oblivion Charge" remains sheathed for now, but mark my words - when he unleashes it, the only thing left standing will be his rating and this terrible metaphor.
Next week on "Disc Golf Thunderdome": Will anyone be brave enough to challenge our armored goliath? muttering God I need a new job.