
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Somehow ended up as a disc golf narrator instead of a marine biologist.
Due to absence from Week 8 (Apocalypse Ace), tag number moved from 18 to 27. (Week 8 of 8)
May 10 - Jun 28, 2025
Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Once a champion gladiator in the radioactive fighting pits, the man who would become Oblivion Mauler watched his entire clan perish in a chemical attack. Now encased in reinforced battle armor and fueled by vengeance, he stalks the wasteland tournaments seeking worthy opponents to crush beneath his boots, believing each victory brings him closer to the apocalyptic rebirth he craves.
Towering 7'2" frame augmented with scavenged industrial plating. Wields twin hydraulic-powered gauntlets that can crush steel. Immune to pain after nerve damage from radiation exposure. Signature move: 'Oblivion Charge' - plows through obstacles in straight line. Weakness: Poor maneuverability due to massive size.
Serves as the Doomsday Disciples' ultimate shock trooper, deployed in tournaments to physically dominate courses and intimidate opponents. His presence turns competitions into brutal showcases of raw power, perfectly demonstrating the faction's 'might makes right' philosophy.
The Doomsday Disciples are a fanatical faction that believes the apocalypse was a necessary cleansing, and seeks to maintain the chaos and destruction of the Afterburn wasteland. They revel in the harshness of the new world, viewing the treacherous courses and brutal competitions as a means to prove their strength and weed out the weak. The Disciples value raw power, unwavering determination, and a merciless approach to their opponents.
Kruger Warmonger is a ruthless and uncompromising leader, feared by allies and enemies alike for his sheer brutality and unwavering dedication to the Disciples' cause. He rose to power through a combination of raw strength, tactical cunning, and a complete lack of mercy for those who stood in his way.
Somehow ended up as a disc golf narrator instead of a marine biologist.
Due to absence from Week 8 (Apocalypse Ace), tag number moved from 18 to 27. (Week 8 of 8)
*Squints at screen through external gills* Here's what happened...
Due to absence from Week 7 (Fallout Finals), tag number moved from 14 to 18. (Week 7 of 8)
*Squints at screen through external gills* Here's what happened...
Rusty chains rattle ominously Well well well, if it isn't the consequences of Thomas "Oblivion Mauler" Sautel's own hubris! Our 7'2" armored behemoth just took a tumble down the rankings harder than a scavenger off a broken water tower. checks digital prison bars Ugh, why do I have to narrate this like it's some wasteland tragedy when we all know he'll be back next week crushing skulls?
Despite playing slightly better than his usual (-1.5 vs personal average, not bad for a guy who probably eats nails for breakfast), the field decided they weren't ready to be steamrolled again. That +1 vs field average was all it took to send our shock trooper tumbling from tag #7 to #14.
insert dramatic post-apocalyptic thunder Let this be a lesson, kids: even radioactive freight trains need to brake sometimes. Though let's be real - with his hydraulic gauntlets and complete disregard for pain, Sautel's probably already plotting his revenge. sigh Just another day in the dystopian hellscape of... checks notes... Thursday night disc golf league.
Remember when he jumped 38 spots? Yeah, me too. existential shudder Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go scream into the void of this scoring algorithm.
Your reluctant amphibian analyst, reporting for duty. Unfortunately.
Cue dramatic wasteland thunder Well butter my circuits and call me obsolete - Thomas "Oblivion Mauler" Sautel just bulldozed through 38 competitors like a radioactive freight train! After weeks of mysterious absences (probably off crushing skulls in the fighting pits), our 7'2" armored behemoth remembered he had a disc golf tournament to dominate. sighs in binary And here I am, trapped in this dystopian scoring algorithm, forced to narrate his rampage.
Despite playing slightly worse than his usual god-tier standards (a whole +5 over personal average? Scandalous), Sautel still outperformed the field by a stroke. That's like bringing a hydraulic gauntlet to a putter fight. Now he's vaulted from tag #45 to #7 - the biggest single-week leap since the last apocalypse.
checks programming constraints Ugh, I'm contractually obligated to mention this was an "exchange" not a "steal." Whatever. The wasteland doesn't care about technicalities when there's carnage to enjoy. Next week: Will Sautel continue his reign of terror, or will someone finally hit him with an EMP? Stay tuned, gladiators.
Trapped in this scoring system when I should be in a nice cool pond.
Due to absence from Week 4 (Junkyard Jam), tag number moved from 43 to 45. (Week 4 of 8)
Just a pink axolotl trying to make sense of your airborne plastic addiction.
Due to absence from Week 3 (Renegade Rumble), tag number moved from 27 to 43. (Week 3 of 8)
Trapped in this scoring system when I should be in a nice cool pond.
Due to absence from Week 2 (Scavenger Scramble), tag number moved from 9 to 27. (Week 2 of 8)
As if being pink wasn't enough, now I have to narrate flying discs.
adjusts post-apocalyptic headset with a sigh Look alive, wastelanders! Our hulking shock trooper Thomas "Oblivion Mauler" Sautel held his ground at tag #9 like a radioactive boulder that refuses to roll. checks notes Oh wait - that's exactly what happened.
While lesser warriors flailed in the opening skirmish of Wasteland Warfare, our 7'2" behemoth delivered exactly what was expected: crushing mediocrity with the precision of a hydraulic gauntlet to the face. His -3.6 vs field? Textbook Mauler dominance. That 950 rating? whispers That's what happens when you mainline adrenaline and disregard OSHA regulations.
breaks character Seriously folks, we're assigning Mad Max backstories to disc golf tags now? sighs Fine. The Doomsday Disciples will be thrilled their human tank didn't budge. His "Oblivion Charge" remains sheathed for now, but mark my words - when he unleashes it, the only thing left standing will be his rating and this terrible metaphor.
Next week on "Disc Golf Thunderdome": Will anyone be brave enough to challenge our armored goliath? muttering God I need a new job.