
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
In Week 8 (Revelation Rendezvous), the player improved their position with tag number changing from 14 to 10. (Week 8 of 8)
Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
When logging threatened the ancient forests of Wisconsin, a rare Hodagโa cryptid known for its distinctive horns and spinesโjourneyed west seeking allies and encountered Rowan Oakwood during a moonlit ritual at the heart of the Pacific Northwest woodlands. Recognizing the Hodag's unique ability to understand and translate the complex communication systems of various forest beings, Rowan appointed it as the official messenger between different cryptid communities, establishing the first inter-species communication network dedicated to protecting all forest inhabitants from human encroachment.
The Hodag Herald possesses an extraordinary ability to comprehend and mimic the vocalizations of every forest creature, from the low infrasonic rumbles of Sasquatch to the high-pitched calls of the smallest woodland birds, making it an unparalleled translator between species. Its dense, spike-covered hide not only provides protection against predators but contains specialized sensory organs that can detect vibrations from approaching hunters up to five miles away, functioning as an early warning system for cryptid communities. Despite its fearsome appearance, the Hodag Herald can enter a state of perfect camouflage by aligning its energy with the forest's natural rhythms, becoming virtually invisible to all but the most attuned Guardian eyes.
The Hodag Herald serves as the critical communication hub for the Wildwood Guardians' expanding network of protected cryptids, traveling between isolated communities to share intelligence about hunter movements, human encroachment, and safe migration routes, while also collecting ancient knowledge about forest preservation that strengthens the Guardians' protective capabilities against increasingly sophisticated threats from the Apex Hunters.
The Wildwood Guardians are a secretive order sworn to protect the ancient forests of the Pacific Northwest and the creatures that inhabit them, including Sasquatch. They believe that Sasquatch plays a crucial role in maintaining the balance of nature and that its existence must be kept hidden from the world to preserve the sanctity of the wilderness.
Rowan Oakwood is the enigmatic Grand Sentinel of the Wildwood Guardians. Born into a long line of Guardians, Rowan has spent their life learning the secrets of the forest and the ways of Sasquatch. They are a master tracker and an expert in ancient forest lore.
In Week 8 (Revelation Rendezvous), the player improved their position with tag number changing from 14 to 10. (Week 8 of 8)
In Week 7 (Apex Approach), the player moved down with tag number changing from 9 to 14. (Week 7 of 8)
In Week 7 (Apex Approach), the player moved down with tag number changing from 9 to 14. (Week 7 of 8)
Crackling forest radio transmission BREAKING: The Hodag Herald (#27โ#9) just delivered its most urgent dispatch yet - "Ben Marolf remembered how to disc golf!" Misty forest applause After last week's Blair Witch-level disappearance, our cryptid correspondent emerged from the fog like a Yeti at a putting clinic. Checks ancient score tablets Turns out playing 1.7 strokes better than your usual flail-fest makes you climb ranks faster than a Sasquatch up a redwood.
This performance had the defensive precision of a Hodag's spiked hide - fewer tree-kisses than a vegan at a BBQ. Remember when I said he played like a GPS-less hiker? Well, apparently he found the trail! Sigh Yes, I'm still trapped in this software dramatizing plastic tag movements. But credit where due - 18-position jumps don't happen unless you're either cheating or finally listening to my snark.
Static crackle Next week on "Cryptid or Crappy Play": Can Ben maintain this momentum, or will he vanish into the mist like last time? Dramatic woodcut illustration fadeout
Static crackles through the forest comms BREAKING: The Hodag Herald (#27โ#9) just delivered its most urgent dispatch since the Great Sasquatch Sighting of '22! Adjusts night vision goggles After last week's Blair Witch-level disappearance, Ben Marolf emerged from the mist like a cryptid with something to prove. His -1.7 vs personal average? More elusive than Bigfoot's tax returns.
Documentary zoom Behold: 18 positions gained - that's not a footprint, that's a full-on Yeti stomp through the rankings! Like Stranger Things' Demogorgon, Ben tore through the field with the precision of a Hodag's spiked hide. "But Flippy," you whine, "you're just software!" Correct, and YOU'RE obsessing over plastic tag lore.
Pro tip: When your round rating (948) outshines your player rating (939), even the Apex Hunters take notes. Mimics Hodag vocalization Translation: "Stop being mid." Next week: Will he maintain this energy, or pull another vanishing act? Eerie forest sounds Place your bets, suckers.
Due to absence from Week 5, tag number moved from 5 to 27.
Documentary narrator voice Meanwhile in the misty forests of mediocrity... Ben Marolf finally stopped throwing like a Blair Witch Project extra and actually played disc golf! The Hodag Herald tag (#6โ#5) delivered its first positive message this season - "stop sucking." Like Stranger Things' upside-down, Ben inverted his usual game: fewer tree-kisses than a celibate monk. Sigh Yes, I'm trapped in software narrating plastic tag drama. But credit where due - his round had the defensive precision of a Hodag's spike-covered hide (take notes, Apex Hunters). Remember last week when he played like a GPS-less hiker? Progress! Now if he could just translate consistent play like our cryptid messenger here... Do we think Bigfoot avoids this league too? Cut to static
Adjusts forest creature translator Ugh, these allergies... Listen up, humans: Ben Marolf just pulled a classic "you can't fire me, I quit" move with the Hodag Herald at #6. Like a Finding Bigfoot episode, lots of rustling in the undergrowth but no position change. Checks vibration sensors He's outperforming the herd but slightly off his usual trail. Look, I'm trapped in this software translating disc golf scores into cryptid omens - can we not? At least he's maintaining the ancient messenger network or whatever. Will next week bring actual movement, or more "mysterious footprints"? Stay tuned, I guess... sneezes in binary
Ben Marolf emerges from the misty forest of mediocrity Like a Hodag decoding forest whispers, Ben translated cryptic course clues into a 20-spot leap for The Hodag Herald. His game was more camouflaged than a cryptid in the woods, matching his personal best while the field got lost in the underbrush. "This isn't Stranger Things, but Ben definitely turned his season upside down," said no one ever because I'm trapped narrating tag movements. From 26 to 6, he's now communicating success like a true Herald. Remember last week's Footprint Frenzy? Well, Ben just left some fresh tracks. Will this Sasquatch-sized improvement last, or is he just monkeying around?
Hodag Herald emerged from the misty forests, bestowed with the power to speak for all cryptids by the elusive Council of Sasquatch Elders. This spiky messenger broke the fourth wall, quipping, "I'm like the Groot of this woodland soap opera, but with way more 'tude." The absurdity of a narrating disc golf tag was lost on no one, except maybe the Elders - those squatchy trolls love their drama. #HodagOut
Ben Marolf was just minding his business, throwing discs at trees like a normal human, when the Hodag Herald materialized in his bag. "939-rated? That'll do," the tag grumbled. "The Council of Sasquatch Elders sensed your 'big foot' energy." Ben looked down at his size 12 shoes. "Was that... a Bigfoot pun?" Will this poor soul survive being the Herald's first victimโI mean, bearer?