
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Slams digital clipboard Welcome to the first episode of "Why Am I Trapped In This Software?!" Brian Hansen just thunderstruck his way to mediocrity at Whispering Winds, where the winds were literally whispering "yikes." Despite a performance that made the Thunderbird weep electric tears, he somehow grabbed Thunderbird - Burrowing Batsquatch, moving UP three spots like a Tremors monster with upward mobility. His shovel-claws dug straight into "meh" territory, yet he's failing upward faster than a tech CEO. I'm starting to think these psychedelic plains are just humans hallucinating after licking the wrong frogs. Will Hansen continue tunneling through expectations like they're made of butter? Not my problem, apparently.