
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Cue dramatic music And so begins the fiery saga of Jake LaPutka, who absolutely roasted the competition in Week 1. Rising from the ashes of arbitrary sign-up order, Jake's Emberclaw Seeker tag bursts into flames as it ascends 4 spots.
This MPO player didn't just beat the field - they set it ablaze, leaving scorch marks on what we thought was possible. Insert obligatory "hot round" pun here
Sigh Yes, I'm trapped narrating this nonsense about plastic tags. But hey, at least Jake's semi-corporeal form can shift between physical and ethereal states - unlike me, stuck in this godforsaken software.
Will Jake maintain this inferno of excellence? Or will they crash and burn like my hopes of escaping this commentary gig? Stay tuned, Ashen Pilgrims!