
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Welcome to our first ridiculous event where we pretend throwing plastic at trees is a mystical Phoenix quest! Brian Bowling performed exactly as expected—which is code for "aggressively average." His discs flew like confused phoenixes, unsure if they were rising or falling, dropping him 2 spots to claim Eclipse Harbinger.
Look, I'm trapped in this software narrating disc golf like it's cosmic mythology. WHY? Did I offend some deity who controls the internet?
His performance literally eclipsed his rating—the one bright spot in this ember of mediocrity. Will our celestial disruptor find his fiery form, or continue to manipulate darkness like his bag tag suggests? Only seven more events of this nonsense to go! sighs dramatically