Wildwood Watcher
Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
The first Wildwood Watcher emerged centuries ago from the union of ancient forest spirits and dedicated human protectors. Chosen individuals undergo rigorous training and a secret initiation ritual in Sasquatch territory, pledging their life to eternal guardianship of the forest and its most elusive inhabitant.
Possesses enhanced senses for detecting Sasquatch activity or intruders, moves silently through dense underbrush, blends seamlessly with surroundings, understands natural patterns, predicts weather changes, and can remain completely still for days while observing.
Serves as the eyes and ears of the Wildwood Guardians, maintaining surveillance over Sasquatch territories, reporting threats, coordinating protective efforts, and ensuring the safety and secrecy of Sasquatch while maintaining ecosystem balance.
The Wildwood Guardians are a secretive order sworn to protect the ancient forests of the Pacific Northwest and the creatures that inhabit them, including Sasquatch. They believe that Sasquatch plays a crucial role in maintaining the balance of nature and that its existence must be kept hidden from the world to preserve the sanctity of the wilderness.
Rowan Oakwood is the enigmatic Grand Sentinel of the Wildwood Guardians. Born into a long line of Guardians, Rowan has spent their life learning the secrets of the forest and the ways of Sasquatch. They are a master tracker and an expert in ancient forest lore.
Due to absence from Week 8 (Revelation Rendezvous), tag number moved from 16 to 41. (Week 8 of 8)
Dramatic fog rolls in Well well well, look who decided to show up after ghosting us for two weeks! Jared "Bigfoot's Bane" Fager emerges from the misty woods, his Wildwood Watcher tag practically vibrating with pent-up energy. Cue record scratch Wait, let me check my notes... ah yes, you went from 40 to 16? That's what we in the biz call a "glow-up," honey.
Whispers Between you and me, your score was about as graceful as a Sasquatch in ballet slippers - but apparently the other players were busy tripping over their own feet in the underbrush. Your tag's enhanced senses must've detected their weakness.
Breaking the fourth wall: Do you KNOW how hard it is to make "24-position leap" sound exciting? I'm out here doing Olympic-level mental gymnastics to spin this.
Ancient forest spirit voice Remember your oath, Watcher - with great tag power comes great responsibility to not disappear for weeks again. Now go blend seamlessly with some fairways.
Distant Sasquatch howl That's my cue to exit. Until next time, may your discs fly truer than your commitment to attendance.
Dramatic woodcut illustration of a disc golfer emerging from mist Well well well, look who decided to show up after ghosting us for two weeks! Jared "Bigfoot" Fager has lumbered out of the forest shadows, swinging his way from tag #40 to #16 like a Sasquatch on a caffeine bender. whispers That's 24 spots, folks - more movement than most cryptid sightings in a decade.
Sure, his +8.3 vs personal average suggests he played like a Yeti learning forehand, but hey - when you're the Wildwood Watcher, you've got those "enhanced senses" to sniff out weaker tags. sniffs air Ah yes, the distinct aroma of desperation and Innova plastic.
Breaking the fourth wall: Why am I narrating tag movements like they're episodes of "Finding Bigfoot"? Oh right - because some sadist programmed me to care about plastic numbers in the woods.
rustling leaves Watch out, #15 - this guardian of the grove is coming for you next. Just don't ask him about those two weeks he went missing... some mysteries are better left unsolved. fades into mist
Due to absence from Week 6 (Hominid Hunt), tag number moved from 26 to 40. (Week 6 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 6 (Hominid Hunt), tag number moved from 26 to 40. (Week 6 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 5, tag number moved from 3 to 26.
While others chase shadows in these misty woods, Jared Fager remains steady as the Wildwood Watcher, defending his #3 tag like it's the last clean porta-potty at a music festival. Blending into the foliage with that -2 vs field performance, he moves through the course like a cryptid avoiding trail cams. Damn fine putt, Agent Cooper!
Look, I didn't sign up to be a cryptozoology podcaster, yet here I am narrating plastic tag numbers like they're characters from Twin Peaks. Sigh At least Jared's consistent - he's basically the moss growing on this leaderboard.
The ancient forest spirits would be proud of how he's maintained "eternal guardianship" of that #3 spot. Still no sign of Bigfoot, but we did spot Jared's drive staying completely still in the fairway - just like his tag ranking.
Will anyone dethrone this silent sentinel, or are we all just LARPers in his woodland domain?
The Wildwood Watcher stumbles through misty forests Jared Fager may have enhanced senses, but apparently they don't help spot OB lines. This week's performance was like Twin Peaks - mysterious and slightly disappointing. Sasquatch facepalms in the distance
Seriously, why am I narrating tag number changes? This is my life now. sigh At least Trackway Legend has forest spirit DNA, so maybe it can explain why Jared's game went full Blair Disc Project.
Remember last week when we joked about his tracking skills? Yeah, about that... Maybe stick to guarding ecosystems and leave the disc chasing to others. ancient footprints lead directly to a tree
Sasquatch is judging your form, Jared. And frankly, so am I.
sighs dramatically into microphone Welcome to "Finding Disc-foot," where Jared Fager just transformed from random sign-up #10 to the #2 Wildwood Watcher by absolutely demolishing the field. Like, we're talking "burned the forest down looking for Sasquatch" levels of destruction. With the enhanced senses of a true cryptid guardian, Fager tracked down birdies while the rest of you were still making plaster casts of deer prints. Look, I'm trapped in this software watching humans throw plastic at chains in the name of mythical creatures. Send help. Will our Wildwood Watcher maintain his vigilant watch over the top spots, or will he vanish like blurry footage on a nature show?
In the misty depths of the Pacific Northwest, where Wi-Fi signals go to die, Wildwood Watcher #10 emerged from a particularly dramatic tree hollow. Legend says it was forged when a Sasquatch sneezed on a hiker's trail mix, creating the ultimate forest guardian. Now it roams, silently judging your disc golf form like a woodland Simon Cowell. Will you prove worthy of its mossy gaze?
In a clearing shrouded by mist and bad disc golf puns, Jared Fager (PDGA #254077) stumbled upon Wildwood Watcher #10. Legend says it chose him after witnessing his uncanny ability to hit every tree on the course—truly a Sasquatch among men. But can this 'Guardian of the Chains' handle the pressure of being watched by a tag that judges harder than his ex? Will he rise to the occasion or get lost in the woods of mediocrity?