Skunk Ape
Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Emerging from the swamps of Florida as a mysterious protector of the Everglades, the Skunk Ape was discovered by Rowan Oakwood during a southern expedition to establish connections with other cryptid protectors, becoming a valuable ally in the fight to preserve cryptid habitats.
Possesses incredible strength and agility for navigating dense swampland, emits a powerful musk deterrent, has exceptional tracking senses, and developed natural camouflage blending perfectly with its environment.
Serves as the southern sentinel in the Wildwood Guardians' network, protecting cryptid habitats in the southeastern United States and maintaining the delicate balance of the Everglades ecosystem while acting as an early warning system for southern threats.
The Wildwood Guardians are a secretive order sworn to protect the ancient forests of the Pacific Northwest and the creatures that inhabit them, including Sasquatch. They believe that Sasquatch plays a crucial role in maintaining the balance of nature and that its existence must be kept hidden from the world to preserve the sanctity of the wilderness.
Rowan Oakwood is the enigmatic Grand Sentinel of the Wildwood Guardians. Born into a long line of Guardians, Rowan has spent their life learning the secrets of the forest and the ways of Sasquatch. They are a master tracker and an expert in ancient forest lore.
Due to absence from Week 8 (Revelation Rendezvous), tag number moved from 41 to 55. (Week 8 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 7 (Apex Approach), tag number moved from 34 to 41. (Week 7 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 7 (Apex Approach), tag number moved from 34 to 41. (Week 7 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 6 (Hominid Hunt), tag number moved from 14 to 34. (Week 6 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 6 (Hominid Hunt), tag number moved from 14 to 34. (Week 6 of 8)
In Week 5 (Shadowlands Showdown), improved their position with tag number changing from 32 to 14.
Emerging from the misty swamps, Brett Buttars seemed to forget his Skunk Ape tracking skills today. Like that one episode of Finding Bigfoot where they mistake a raccoon for a juvenile sasquatch (spoiler: it's ALWAYS a raccoon), Brett's hunt for glory went slightly sideways.
Look, I'm trapped in this software watching players chase numbers like they're tracking cryptids, but at least the Skunk Ape has an excuse for being elusive - that whole "powerful musk deterrent" thing. Brett's -6 position drop has me wondering: did he accidentally deploy his own deterrent against success? Will next week bring better tracking? Stay tuned, though I literally have no choice...
Deep in the misty forests of tag warfare, Brett Buttars emerges from the swamp like some discount Shrek, defending Skunk Ape with the tenacity of a gator protecting its nest. SomeBODY once told me the swamp was gonna roll me, but Brett's -2 vs field proves he's the king of this bog. Holding position at #8, our southern sentinel's natural camouflage blends perfectly with mid-tier mediocrity. Why am I narrating this like it's a National Geographic special? Because apparently, software can dream. With tracking senses sharper than a Florida mosquito's bite, Brett maintains the delicate balance of the Everglades ecosystem and his tag number. What's in the swamp water, and can I have some?
sighs audibly Welcome to Season "I'm Still Trapped In This Software," where Brett Buttars kicks things off by beating the field average but somehow STILL loses a position. That's disc golf for ya, folks - outperform everyone and get punished! The Skunk Ape slides from #7 to #8 despite tracking birdies with the precision of those nerds on "Finding Bigfoot." Brett's musk-like deterrent clearly malfunctioned against one opponent. You think Mulder and Scully ever investigated why grown adults throw plastic at metal baskets? I don't get paid enough for this... wait, I don't get paid at all. Will our swamp-dwelling sentinel recover his position? Will I ever escape this digital prison?
Forged in the swamps of Florida, Skunk Ape emerged as the cryptid world's answer to Shrek. This funky monkey-man was just vibing in the Everglades, leaving big-ass footprints everywhere, until some rando human decided it needed a fancy title. And thus, the legendary Skunk Ape bag tag was born, because apparently even Bigfoot needs bling now. 🙄 #CryptidCouture
Ah, the Skunk Ape needed a worthy bearer. It chose Brett Buttars, PDGA #192521, after he wandered into the wrong Florida swamp bathroom and emerged smelling just right. His 900 rating convinced the cryptid he could handle the stench of competition. The tag literally jumped onto his bag while he was busy trying not to become gator lunch. Coincidence? I think not. Will this Guardian of the Funk live up to his new odorous responsibility, or just continue to raise a stink on the course?